Home Again
by lawschoolisboring
Summary: Imprinting issues, Edward's return, and Sue and Charlie's wedding. Bella's older, things have changed, so why shouldn't that mean that we can have a happier ending? I just want to see Bella and Jake together--that's not too much to ask, is it?
1. Chapter 1

Home.

I gazed out of the plane window as we banked a steep left over the dark Seattle skyline. My skin felt dry and parched from the four hour flight and I was exhausted from a combination of late nights working at the office and raw nerves in anticipation of this long-awaited homecoming. I gripped the armrests as we hit some turbulence in the moody Washington night sky. Funny, a while ago I wouldn't have imagined calling Forks my home. But a few vampires, werewolves and life-threatening disasters later, here I was.

Charlie was waiting for me at the baggage claim with a huge smile and flowers. I almost laughed with embarrassment when I saw him standing there looking as awkward as a teenage boy waiting for his date, but I couldn't bring myself past the fondness that welled up in my chest. Even when he was being sweet, Charlie did it with true disgruntled old-man flair. After six years he looked a little weary. His eyes were framed by fine lines that spoke of hard work and stress, and his salt and pepper hair was more salt than pepper, but when he hugged me, it was the same strong but tentative Charlie that I remembered who had first picked me up from Sea-Tac when I came to live here almost six years ago.

"It's great to have you home, Bells," he said gruffly, grabbing my suitcase before I could take it in hand.

I sighed, feeling a weight slip from my chest knowing that I was back where I belonged. But a new tremor ran through my stomach as the reminder of what I'd left behind came to the forefront of my thoughts. "It's great to be home again, Dad."

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**Just an introduction-nothing more! Keep on keeping on...**


	2. Chapter 2

Saw Some Damage.

The town was the same, although I'm sure maybe the population count had raised in the past few years. Our graduating class hadn't moved very far from the area and Forks had always been on the rise since my high school days. Sure we'd prided ourselves on small-town charm, but the number of shops that I recalled being constructed and the improvements to the single mall and park had come to full realization. My small town wasn't so small anymore. At first glance, all was familiar, but there were bright, gleaming, new things as well. I asked Charlie about this as we pulled into the driveway and he mumbled something prickly about "upsetters and new money" ruining the area. Charlie hated change more than I hated surprises—proof that I was his daughter.

"I left everything the way it was," he told me as he carried my suitcase up the steps of the front door. If anything had truly remained the same, it was Charlie's house. I was relatively grateful for that in some ways. The same floorboards creaked, the same smell of laundry and Remington oil mixed in with dishwashing soap filled the kitchen and hallway. I glanced over at the picture cabinet and I still found the photos I'd arranged in there the summer before I left—one with me from graduation, one of my father and I when I was four, and one—I frowned.

"Hey Dad," I said, pausing as we passed the living room.

"Huh?" my dad grunted, already halfway up the stairs with my suitcase.

I pursed my lips, trying to hide the tremors that had suddenly taken hold of my hands. I wasn't ready to see this yet. I was only here to take care of Charlie and make arrangements for him to sell the house and move in to a new place closer to the reservation so that he could be with Sue. This was the last thing that I wanted to deal with, the last thing I had time for. My legs stiffly pulled my body closer to the cabinet so that I could see all five faces clearer. There was Charlie, grinning like the Mariners had won the pennant with a formal white shirt and black tie on. I smiled my crooked smile, the lopsided but purely happy grin that I remembered feeling through and through at that exact moment. My mom was in the picture with Phil too—we were all there. It was the day after I'd graduated and decided that I was going to University of Washington the next year. And there, towering above us all, holding me around the waist, with a huge grin plastered across his face but pain flickering in his eyes, was Jacob. My throat constricted at his forced happiness.

That was the beginning of the end. Of all the fights, the bickering, the mistrust. Right there, in that one moment when we both knew that I was on my way off to something else while he was still here in Forks, seeing out the remainder of high school, the seed of unhappiness grew. I loved Jacob almost more than I thought possible once—he left—and though things were never the same, every long look, every kiss, every hug felt as powerful and resonant. But that only meant that leaving him behind was just as heart-wrenching.

_ We were alone, in my bedroom two nights before I was driving out to Seattle for my first week of Orientation. Jacob leaped in through my window, same as always, and crawled into bed with me. His heat ran along my half-naked body, warming me like a furnace from head to toe. Good. The summer air was warmer than usual but it was still chilly. I snuggled into him and squeezed my arms around his barrel chest as hard as I could._

_ "Bells," he breathed into my hair. I heard the strain in his voice. Jacob was not happy. _

_ I lifted my face from his chest and kissed him hard. "Jake" I whispered into his lips. "Don't let me leave."_

_ Jacob pulled me away to look into my eyes. He smiled gently. It should have been reassuring. I looked from his mouth to his tightened eyes—it wasn't._

_ "I know sweetheart, but this is important for you. You'll be fine. I'm always just a few hours away."_

_ "No…no—" I tunneled back into his arms, miserable and angry that after all we'd been through—murderous vampires, wolf laws, near death experiences each—what would finally separate us was my choice to pursue a higher education. _

_ "Bells, come on. Stop it. College will be great and you know it. You could have ended up thousands of miles away where I'd have to run for _days _just to see you. You think Seattle's far? You need to figure out a better way to travel cause to me it's just a hop, skip, and a sprint away."_

_ I laughed weakly into his chest, feeling the ritual tears spring to my eyes. I cried almost every night that we were together now—which was often. We were trying to soak up what little time we had left so that when I went to school, we might have our fill to last until we saw each other again. I hoped that this would make my departure easier. It only made it worse. _

_ "Honey, everything will be okay," Jake murmured to me, his joking nature suspended for the moment. "I'll always be with you." _

I heard Charlie's footsteps as he came back down the steps. "I like that one. You shouldn't have thrown it out."

"Yeah…" I tried to swallow but the lump in my throat wouldn't let me. "Well…I guess you have it back."

"He's alright, you know. Kid's been doing good stuff with his life."

I knew where this conversation was going and wanted no part in it. Jacob had chosen his life and I'd made my own decisions as well. And that was that.

I pulled on bright smile and tried to give Charlie a shrug. From the way that he continued to stare at me with his hands on his hips and his eyebrows raised slightly in question, I knew that he didn't buy my charade.

"Good for him," I said, trying to put some indifference into my tone so he would at least think I wasn't trying to completely lie. An uncaring Bella was better than a falsely cheerful Bella—Charlie could spot that one out in a heartbeat. "Want me to cook something up?"

He bit at the change of subject. "Course—although I really didn't expect you to cook right after your flight—"

I waved him off and shuffled over to the kitchen drawers. He usually kept my keys in there whenever I came home—which was not often, twice in the past two years. "No, this would actually make me feel a lot better. Besides, I miss cooking for two."

I was very much alone in San Francisco, although I lived with two other girls; I rarely made the effort to pull together a meal for everyone the way I used to at home. My dinners usually consisted of leftovers from my weekend cooking sprees and whatever extras I took home from work. I didn't care to sit down as eat with others—that was something that I'd reserved especially for Forks.

"Well you're not going to drive the truck," Charlie told me, stepping out to the living room.

I jerked my head up from my search and stared after him. My hair fell into my eyes as I did so—I'd cut it before I left. A friend had finally won me over and convinced me to sit in a salon chair with her. I didn't mind the layers that helped to keep my curls but I couldn't decide how I felt about the long bangs. They got in my eyes and bothered my cheeks.

"Why not?"

Charlie came back with what looked like a set of rental keys. I could see the car company's logo hanging on a metal ring from the side.

"It…saw some damage after you left for California." He looked a little embarrassed as he admitted this, as if something terribly wrong and offensive had happened. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What are you talking about?"

Charlie coughed and seemed to look everywhere but my face. "Nothing, it was just an accident."

"_What_ was an accident?"

I stared at him as he shifted uncomfortably beneath my gaze. What happened to my truck? I knew that it wasn't anything special in terms of make or design, but it was _mine_ and my first possession upon arriving in Forks. That truck had _memories_ attached to it. Some good, some bad obviously, but it was the common denominator over my years in this town. I would maul whoever was responsible for hurting _my _truck—even Charlie.

He twisted away and cleared his throat, effectively ending the interrogation. "Nothing. I'll explain it later—how much do you need for the groceries?"

"I don't need anything," I said quickly, still eyeing him with suspicion. I was annoyed that he continued to elude my questioning—Charlie was generally very straightforward.

I stamped my foot. "_What happened to my truck?"_

Charlie just waved a hand at me and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

"I'll tell you about it when you're back from the store. Now get—I need to call Sue and let her know you got here safely."

I shook my head and grabbed an old raincoat from the coat rack (you never knew in this town) and stepped outside to the driveway. I looked over at the two parked vehicles in my dad's driveway. Charlie's cruiser looked a little like Charlie—no real changes, just slightly weary and due in for a new paint job. My truck sat beside the cruiser and was covered up under a bright blue tarpaulin that I had assumed upon first inspection, was there just to shield it from the elements. Now however, it looked all too convenient for someone trying to hide severe auto damage. I looked down at the bricks laying around the plastic material that anchored it to driveway. There were puddles of mulch ridden rainwater collected in the excess material. Water beetles hid amidst the mess. I wrinkled my nose, not looking forward to dealing with an unwieldy tarp riddled with bugs and pond scum, so I continued down the driveway to the street where a lone Ford Escape--my rental car--sat waiting for me.


	3. Chapter 3

Swan/Clearwater.

I went a little crazy at the market, I realized later as I was unloading bag after bag of groceries. My arms shook and my back ached from the initial load up at the store and now I was trying to heft seven full paper bags into the house from the street curb. There were four more still sitting in the car. It was already 7 o'clock and the sun had gone down, so I had to make my way to the front door carefully. With all the bags of food precariously balanced in my two shaking hands and my history for falling, I wasn't going in with the best odds, but I was determined to feed Charlie and get him so sleepy from food coma that he'd tell me what the hell was going on under that tarpaulin. When I reached the front steps, I timidly took the first stair, feeling the stone beneath my feet and mentally calculating how high and far out I would need to reach the next when I suddenly heard a loud whooping noise just five feet behind me.

"WOOO_OOOOO_—BELLA_ SWAN_!"

"Jesus--!" I stumbled and lost my grip on the paper bags. The eggs, milk, pasta, beef sirloin, onions, cereal and multitude of other foods slid through my arms. I screwed my eyes shut, knowing that the jar of pasta sauce and eggs wouldn't survive the landing, but dreading the pain that would shoot up my legs from dozens of various sized cans of corn, beans, chilies, and tomatoes--all raining down on my feet.

Laughter broke through my initial fright and I opened my eyes. I also realized belatedly, that I didn't feel a thing coming from my toes. I saw the bags lift out of my way, retracted by a pair of long brown, sinewy arms. I looked up and saw a familiar but older looking face than that which rose up from my memory. A grin bloomed across my face.

"Seth!" I yelped. All fright forgotten, I leapt forward to hug him while he held the grocery bags out by each arm. He laughed at me and hugged me back with just his cheek.

"Hey Bella! It's great to see you home! Um—hold on and let me put these down for a sec…."

"Oops—" I stepped away from him and promptly lost my footing. I had forgotten that I was standing on the first step and my foot met six inches of air where I expected solid ground. I stumbled backwards with a gasp, feeling the ground rush up to me.

Iron bars caught me at my armpits before I hit the damp cement. Seth doubled over with unabashed laughter. I wanted to kick him in the guts for scaring me twice, let alone cracking up like I'd just told the world's best joke. That was me—walking, breathing, living comedy show just waiting to happen.

I scowled at him. My heart ricocheted against the walls of my chest and I dropped my head back to look up to my hero. Correction—heroine. My eyes met chestnut irises fringed by long lashes that I'd often wished for. Leah.

"It's nice to see you again Bella," she said flatly, sounding as if she would have preferred to let me crack my skull on the pavement than hold me up. I felt a familiar shrinking sensation of my personal value; Leah could wither a sunflower in the middle of June with barely a glance. "I guess some things never change huh?"

I regained my footing and stepped away from her, mumbling my thanks. Seth continued to convulse with hysterical laughter. I made a mental note to feed him laxatives later.

"Hey Leah. It's uh...good to see you too."

Her smile barely touched her eyes as she walked past me and her brother into the house. "Seth knock it off," she growled over her shoulder.

Seth let the last of his full-bodied laughter fade to a mischievous but well-intentioned chuckle before he could speak easily again. In the meantime, I crossed my arms and shifted my weight to one leg, waiting for him to stop being a jerk.

"Ahh…_hahaha_…._wow_." Seth rubbed his hands over his face and grinned hugely at me. "Things really don't change do they?"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut _up_ Seth."

"Just kidding, Bells!" he chimed, clapping me on the arm, nearly dislocating my shoulder.

I couldn't help but smile back.

Our dinner that night was lighthearted and filled with stories from our time apart. Seth and Sue spoke the most, with gruff interjections by Leah when her brother spoke and Charlie's equally gruff but affectionate additions to Sue's stories. I kept my time on the floor to a minimum. I was in San Francisco, working as an associate editor at a publishing house for trade and children's literature—my life was peacefully routine: I went to the office five days a week, six if there was something extremely pressing, and lived with two other girls, one who designed and another that worked in a gallery. None of us were particularly well off, but I thought that I usually had the better end of the stick financially since I freelanced every now and then, submitting my short editorials to the local paper and even putting out a few things in some of the regional literary journals. My life was very uncomplicated in the best way possible, and I hated it.

All the more reason _not_ to elaborate and _not_ to bring up the other reason I was back in Forks. As much as I wanted to push it away, as much as I wished that I could deny it, I knew without question after seeing Seth and Leah, with their feral corded muscle and inhuman grace, that Charlie wasn't the only family that I wanted to see.

"So you having fun out there then, huh kid?" Charlie raised his brows at me in question, seeming unconvinced even though I'd told them the story about how I'd gained an entirely new closet from the designer and completed another novel with one of our signed authors. He poked at his mashed potatoes and stirred them around before scooping them up with some peas. Damn. When did Charlie become so perceptive? I saw Sue give him a meaningful look and I realized then where he acquired his skill—Seth and Leah's mother must have taught him how to listen to what wasn't being said. Mothers were always so much better at that than fathers, I thought begrudgingly.

I put on a bright but nonchalant smile and shrugged. "Yeah Dad, things are great."

His gaze flicked over me but he bobbed his head and looked away. "Ok Bells—glad that's how you feel."

My stomach churned. Of course that was how I _should_ feel, but why couldn't I ever get to that point? Why did I feel as if my life were back in order even if I was in the one place where everything went so wrong in the first place?

Seth cleared his throat and put his napkin down on the table. "Ma, may I be excused for a second? I forgot my cell phone in the car and I was expecting Dana to call."

Sue cocked an eyebrow at him and so did Leah. The Clearwater women looked like siblings just then, and Seth blushed under his deep tan at their scrutiny. Charlie and I were watching as well, which didn't help his case.

"Alright Seth," Sue drawled. "But if you're getting up past the fridge would you mind bringing out a new pad of butter? This tray's done."

Seth looked as if he were about to complain but bit back whatever he was about to say and lunged for the refrigerator door. I'd never seen anyone plate a new block of butter so fast in my life. And before I knew it Seth was leaping out of the kitchen and out the front hall.

Charlie leaned over in his seat to watch the six foot five inch tall eighteen year old sprint into the darkness.

"That boy of yours sure's got some legs on him," Charlie mumbled. "You'd think he was running on all fours or something."

I almost choked on my glass of water and Leah gave me a sharp look. Sue seemed to flinch—had she not told Charlie yet? I thought my soon to be step mother would have mentioned her childrens' alternative lifestyle to her fiancée. I guess there were still things to be saved until after marriage.

"Seth's doing really well in football this season," Sue smiled and recovered gracefully. "His 50 yard dash is the best time of the entire team."

"You let him play _football_?" I blurted out without thinking. Leah set her fork down with a bang and I jumped in my seat. Charlie frowned at her reaction, but Sue calmly turned to me with a benevolent smile.

"Oh Bella, I really didn't support it much either—I think football is a little too rough for kids. But Seth's got a mind of his own—and the coaches kept telling him to try out after they saw his sprint times in gym, so he did—without my permission, of course." She sighed but the smile didn't leave her face. "But I can't complain--it's working out pretty well for him. He's being scouted by a few big schools in California and the University of Washington."

I wanted to protest but thought about Seth's future. How many of the other Quileute boys could boast the same kind of promise? Had they even graduated from high school or gone on to college for that matter? I stared down at my plate and stirred the food around some, frustrated and a little embarrassed that I didn't know the answers to any of those questions. After I left Forks I cut off all contact with the tribe. I had to for my own survival. I couldn't take the pain of seeing another tall, russet skinned man, so like the boy I'd loved too much after my heart had been pieced back together. All except for Seth—he'd immediately reached out to me and persisted even when I tried to keep him at bay. The only reason I permitted our limited contact, usually a phone call or email, was because he never spoke of my time with Jacob, and he always had news about Charlie and Sue. Two things that I was eternally grateful for.

Just then, the front door burst open and Seth stepped through looking disheveled. His forehead puckered in concern and his t-shirt was on backwards. I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering why he'd phased.

Charlie seemed to have noticed as well. "Put your head on backwards before you left, kid?"

"Huh?" he looked down at himself dazedly. Leah snorted and tried to hide a smile. "Oh, yeah I guess I walked out of the house like this. Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?"

Charlie cocked his head. "Hunh—I would have 'cept I didn't notice until just now. Could've sworn—"

"You barely notice when you're wearing two different socks," Sue interrupted gently, teasing him but also steering him away from finishing his sentence. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Why didn't Sue simply tell Charlie about the werewolves? He was already so close with the tribe elders—Quil Sr., Sam, Billy--

I blinked away the image of a tall, heavily muscled boy staring at me with dark mischievous eyes.

"Are you finished Bella?" Sue asked me, cutting into my thoughts.

"Oh—yes, thank you. No wait, let me help—" I stuttered, forgetting she was the guest in Charlie's house.

"Don't be silly," she scolded, shooing me back to my seat. "I can't believe you put this delicious meal together on your first night in! I thought we would all go out but Charlie called to tell me you were set on cooking. I promise tomorrow night I'll have something ready for us."

I nodded blankly and smiled because I knew that I should smile in response to her generosity. I realized that even though this was my house, Charlie's house, _I_ was the guest, not the Clearwaters. Sue might not have a bed here—or maybe she did, something that I didn't want to imagine really—but she was certainly much more comfortable than I.

When the leftovers had been put away and the dishes were done, Sue, Leah and Seth headed back to their car. Charlie squeezed Sue's hand before she stepped into the passenger seat with Leah at the wheel and Seth grumpily in the back, and we both waved them off as they drove off into the night.

Charlie shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed deeply, sounding like a man with little worries and much to look forward to. I was happy for him. He'd finally found someone after Renee to share his life with and I was glad that it was Sue. We walked back into the house in a companionable silence, listening to the crickets trilling in the forest over the occasional chirrup of small forest animals. I paused to listen for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by nature as opposed to the stark buildings and streets of San Francisco.

"Hey Dad," I said just before I stepped into the house.

"Yeah Bells?"

"I think I'm going to sit for a while to get some air. You don't mind do you?"

He gestured to the steps. "Knock yourself out. But that dinner you made was too good—I think I'm going to have to sleep it off." As if on cue he yawned widely and I laughed at him, pleased that he'd enjoyed what I threw together.

"Ok Dad, night. Thanks for picking me up today."

"Come here kid," he said, waving me over. I went over to hug him, feeling my throat tighten with affection. He patted my back in a gruff and awkward Charlie-esque manner.

"Glad you're home, Bells. We missed you while you were away."

"I missed you too, Dad."

He released me and gave a terse nod. "Get some rest tonight. You can sleep in as long as you want tomorrow but come Saturday and Sunday we're gonna be in the full swing of things. Hope you're ready for all of this wedding nonsense."

I threw him a smile. "Course I am, Dad. Are you?"

"Don't talk to me about it and I'll be fine," he grunted. I thought that I could see him blush but he'd already turned to the stairs. "Don't go far from the house, Bells."

"I won't," I said, already stepping back out into the chilled night air. I left the door open behind me so that the light from the house would stretch out to the garden. I didn't like thinking about the poorly lit expanse of trees extending out beyond the road but I liked the smell of the fresh pine needles and the sound of the forest breathing and stirring with life. I listened again, hoping to catch the song of the crickets once more.

Nothing. I frowned, wondering if Charlie and I were too disruptive and had chased them away. But the more I listened, the more that I realized that it wasn't just our yard that had gone silent. A chill crept through my spine and I looked around nervously, wondering why my fluttering heartbeat was the only audible sound. After a few more seconds of tense uninterrupted stillness, I quickly got to my feet and backed into the house as fast as I could. I didn't even stumble on the threshold to my great surprise, but as soon as I'd made it into my house I shut the front door.

The silence bothered me in a way that chilled me to the bone. It was the whole reason why I'd moved to the city. After I left Forks where my nights had always been filled with marble ice and blazing warmth, silence was the last thing that I wanted. I found myself taking the stairs two at a time to my bedroom. I kicked my shoes off and crawled into bed with my light on. I swathed myself in my purple sheets and ducked beneath my covers as much as I could, hoping that sleep would find me quickly. I didn't want to let my imagination wander any more that night. I had a dangerous capacity for dreaming my worst fears into reality.

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**Promise it'll pick up with more Jake stuff soon since that's what we all love to see :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**So much of this will be just catching up for now--reacquainting with certain characters. We'll get to the meat, chill.**

**I obviously don't own the characters but I certainly wish things would play out the way I see it in my head...**

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Older.

The next morning I awoke to sunlight warming my bedroom and baking me like a turkey in an oven beneath my comforter. It was late May, and though the town was normally obscured by cloud cover, the heavens decided to part and glorious bright light stung my eyes as I wearily blinked them open. I looked at my watch and saw that it was a quarter past eight am. I groaned, wishing for more sleep. For work I was normally awake by six thirty and out the door at seven, but it was _my _vacation and I wanted to soak up every unscheduled minute of my time here.

The house phone suddenly rang and I swore, admitting defeat. I climbed out of bed wondering why I was still fully clothed until I remembered that the night before I'd been too afraid to undress before leaping under the covers. I felt a little embarrassed. I wasn't a child. I knew how to control irrational fear. But I also knew that my irrational fears once lived in Forks.

I ran down the stairs, careful not to trip as I did so and snatched the phone off the hook before the machine had a chance to pick it up.

"Hello?" I croaked into the receiver. I sounded like I'd swallowed a Brillo pad. The airplane must have really taken a toll on my throat and sinuses.

"_Bella_?"

"Yes, this is she. May I ask who's calling?"

There was a pause. I frowned and tried to catch a response on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Er, sorry. Just a little surprised is all. We didn't believe that you were really back in town."

We? I felt annoyance prickle at the back of my skull. "I'm sorry but who _is_ this?"

There was a chuckle. "I guess it's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah. It has. Are you looking for Charlie?" I sighed impatiently, my temper flaring. I wasn't in the mood for guessing games.

"Bella, it's Embry."

I sucked in a sharp breath. I shut my eyes tight and waited for the catch in my throat to pass--_Embry Call_. Hearing his voice had nearly the same effect on me as saying Jake's name aloud--it was all one nebulous memory from a past that I wished to put far behind me.

"H-Hey Embry, how are you?"

"I'm great Bella, and yourself?"

I rapped my balled up fist against my forehead and squeezed my eyes tighter. I couldn't let myself get roped into a conversation with another member of the pack—just Seth and Leah. I'd made my boundaries clear to myself before coming back. I didn't know how I was going to get through the wedding but Charlie knew my limits and had promised that it was a small ceremony before a court proctor—no bells and whistles since it was a second marriage for both him and Sue—and just family there to witness. I hoped that that meant that he and Billy were just friends.

"Um....Good. I'm good. So…what's up?"

I heard him snort on the other end. "What—no small talk?"

"Nope, not really," I replied lightly, trying not to offend him but hoping that he'd get the point.

"Suit yourself. I'm just looking for the Chief. Need to ask him about a case he wanted me to follow up on."

My eyes flew open. Was Charlie using the Quileutes for police work now? "But I thought Charlie didn't know about the wolves?" I blurted again without thinking.

"What? No Bella—Chief Swan doesn't—look, is he there? Could you just pass me to him please?" Embry choked out.

I frowned, wondering why my dad was asking Embry of all people for favors. It didn't make any sense. "No, I'm sorry he isn't in today. I think he took the morning off to run some errands with Sue."

"Alright I'll catch him on his cell. Thanks—"

"_Officer Call--!_" I heard someone shout in the background.

My jaw went slack.

"Embry…you're a _cop_?"

He laughed again. "Who'd a thought, huh? It works. We're better equipped than most guys out there."

I staggered, wondering at the almost unfair advantage he must have over everyone else at the station, not to mention criminals trying to avoid the law. A wry grin broke over my face and I had to laugh with him.

"Yeah probably rock that K-9 unit, huh?" I teased, feeling a little more like my old self again. I forgot how much I liked the wolf pack.

"_Pfft_—like I haven't heard that before," he drawled into the phone. He cleared his throat and took on a more businesslike manner. _Officer _Call must have been under some scrutiny in his office.

"Look I'd love to catch up—honest—but I've got some important news for your dad. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah sure, Embry." I crossed my fingers childishly, knowing it meant nothing but doing it anyway. I never wanted to see them, not on this trip. It was still too soon.

"Bye Bella—I'm real glad you came back."

"Thanks Embry--"

I didn't know if he heard me because shortly after the phone clicked and the dial tone droned on. I sighed and wearily set the phone back into the cradle.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the comments--love it!**

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On Friday I accompanied Sue and Leah to the salon. Sure, it was her second wedding, but Sue deserved to feel as beautiful and pampered as if it were her first. I sat in the car with the two Quileute women and smiled at all the appropriate times and spoke when spoken too. I wasn't always so tightly clammed up—in fact, San Francisco had done me a favor in social graces. But Leah had my nerves balanced on the edge of a knife.

If I thought that she disliked my presence the night that I first arrived, now, she absolutely _loathed _it.

I nodded politely and mm-hmmed to something that Sue said, forcing myself to stare out the window at the quaint storefronts moving past. I didn't want to turn forward. If I did, I would see Leah glaring at me from the rearview mirror. I made the mistake of making eye contact with her when she arrived at our house and the murderous look she'd given me stopped me in my tracks. I wanted no trouble from Leah Clearwater. I found it tragically unfortunate that I would soon be step-sisters with this snarling, gnashing, ill-tempered human. I might actually do better with a live wolf.

Why couldn't Seth just have another brother, I thought to myself miserably. At least Sue seemed unfazed by her foul mood.

We pulled into the small parking lot of a strip mall and walked into a surprisingly large spa.

"Welcome," said the woman at the front desk with mild trepidation, taking in Leah's livid expression and my cowed demeanor. I stood as far away as possible from Leah's trembling form. "Er...How can I help you?"

Sue greeted her with a gentle smile that seemed to dispel some of her anxiety. "We have an appointment for the day…"

I zoned her out and stared straight ahead at the fixtures against the wall where dozens of ghastly beauty products were on display. My last trip to the salon had not been terrible. I left unscathed, with just a haircut. But this was something entirely different. I wasn't with my roommates, and I wasn't here for a quick trim. I was here with Sue and Leah, and these people wanted to _pamper me_. They were going to _touch me_. I wrinkled my nose at the idea of hands roving over my face and body, pushing here, kneading there—I shuddered.

"What's _your_ deal?" Leah finally hissed at me covertly. I flinched at the acid in her voice. I think that I preferred her murderous glare to the sneer in her voice.

"I'm not a spa person," I admitted dryly.

Leah rolled her eyes. "Well excuse _me_ princess. It's a gift. Try to appreciate it."

My eyebrows puckered. A gift? I thought that this was Sue's treat to herself? I would have gladly backed out with some lame excuse but she told me that she already had the tickets for the all-day treatment reserved for the three of us. I guess that made sense if it was a present from someone in the bridal party. But who would have thought to include me? I only decided to come to Forks two weeks ago after Renee called—Charlie mentioned to her that I asked not to be included for obvious reasons. I certainly got an earful _that _night.

I chanced a look at Leah's face and decided not to attempt any further conversation. She looked like she was about to phase at any moment.

Sue turned around then with a warm smile. "Okay girls, ready? We're back this way—" she indicated, stepping past us towards a bright hallway where pleasant smells wafted out on the air. Leah snuck a glare at me. Out of pure reflex to my breaking patience and annoyance with her ridiculous mood, I finally glared back.

"This is so nice," Sue murmured almost to herself as we made our way through the maze. "Can you believe how sweet it was of Jacob to do this for us? He's always so thoughtful. He has such a wonderful heart."

My eyes flew wide open and I almost tripped over my own feet. Leah shot me a withering look, as if daring me to fall.

I felt like I'd just been sucker punched in the gut.

"J-Jacob--"

Sue fixed me with a kind yet meaningful look and nodded. She continued to walk down the hallway as a masseuse greeted us and indicated our rooms at the end of the conduit. Sue split off with a cheerful wave, leaving me alone with Leah. Wonderful.

Of course, she seized the opportunity to share with me a piece of her rabid mind.

Leah launched herself at me, stepping right up into my face and backing me against the wall before the masseuse could return to show us our rooms. I held my breath and fought to tear my eyes away from the fierce burning blackness of her own.

"Listen up," she snarled. "Seth might be happy to see you but _trust me_, he's alone in that sentiment. You've got a lot of nerve showing up in town again, Bella and you have a _lot _to answer to. You better be _damned careful_ about what you say and do. And don't think for a second that just because you're Charlie's daughter that that makes one iota of difference to me."

I felt my body trembling with caged fury and I imagined that this was how the pack felt just before they lost control. Leah gave me a quick, disgusted look and then lunged backwards without warning. I stared her down with tight eyes; in my mind I wondered how many times I could smash my fist into her permanent sneer before she ripped through her human body and phased to kill me.

Just then another masseuse emerged from an adjacent hall.

"Okay," she said in a singsong voice. "Who's next--"

The smile on the white-clad woman's face disappeared instantly when she saw my expression.

"Er...I'm--I'm sorry to keep you both waiting," she hastened to apologize. Leah's lip quirked up in a smirk. "Um...ma'am your room is this way."

"Ma'am?"

Leah's smirk turned into a nasty grin. "Look's like you're up, _Swan_."

I threw her a last ice-cold glare and followed the unnerved woman into a separate room. Leah's eyes burned charred holes into the back of my skull until I was safely in the room with the door securely shut.

The masseuse let out a long breath and shook her head. "Good grief--but that looked serious! Are you girls okay?"

I stepped behind the changing screen and yanked my shirt over my head angrily. I rolled my eyes and snorted. "You have no idea--and no we're probably not okay. I don't think things were ever okay."

She clucked her tongue at me from beyond the divider. "That's some cat fight you two've got boiling up."

"...I wouldn't necessarily go with 'cat.'"

* * *

**(Haha, in what world is Leah ever not a bitch?)**


	6. Chapter 6

Big Day.

The day of the wedding was bright and only slightly overcast. No one expected much more out of Forks so no one complained, and the ceremony was at the town hall before the judge and notary. Weather was not important. Our small party consisted of Charlie, Sue, Leah, Seth, myself and the judge. I understood their reasoning for a low-key wedding—hell I would want one like that too—but I thought that they deserved so much more than just this.

I came down the stairs in a dress that my roommate had given me the week before. It was a soft grey color made of chiffon and some other material that I'd forgotten the name of. She made it as a personal project but when I notified her that I was leaving for Forks for a wedding, she handed it over to me without hesitation.

"No red wine, coffee, or cigarettes," Teresa warned me with a dark look. "Wear it with that necklace we found at Chinatown, hair must be up, and _heels_. For the love of God, _wear your heels._ And if you don't take pictures I will kill you."

I smiled at my instructions before she handed over the dress. I was never one for clothes, but I had to admit that I felt wonderful in whatever she gave me. I went over to Charlie who was fussing with his tie in the hallway mirror. I couldn't help the smile that bloomed across my face when I saw him dressed in his best black suit, finally wearing matching black socks, and his salt-and-pepper hair combed neatly into place.

"Here Dad," I called to him, turning him by the shoulders. I knocked his hands away gently and tugged his bow-tie straight. "Where did you get this thing? I'm surprised you knew how to tie it in the first place."

Charlie grumbled something indistinguishable to the ceiling as I settled the bow into place. I brushed his shirt down, smoothed out his jacket and stepped back to see my work. Charlie reddened under my scrutiny.

I cocked my head and put on a mock-serious expression. "You'll do."

Charlie glared until I burst out laughing, clutching my sides while I doubled over in full-bodied howls. I couldn't help it. I knew that look better than he did, but it was nice to see my surefire dad get a little red in the face every now and then.

"I'm _joking_ Dad!"

I chased after him as he ducked around me and into the kitchen. I knew where he was headed and I was determined to stop him. Just before he could reach his hand in I bumped the refrigerator door shut with my hip.

"Hey!" Charlie jumped back.

"And you're not going to your own wedding with beer in your gut. Save that for later please."

He eyed me irately. "I had one before I married your mother."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, look how well _that_ turned out."

"Touché," he grinned at me. I playfully swatted him on the shoulder and he went back to the mirror to do more tugging and fixing. "Bells, you uh….what are you doing after the ceremony?"

"Hmm?" I had wandered into the living room where I couldn't hear him as well.

"Afterward," Charlie repeated. "What are you doing when the ceremony is over?"

I thought about it for a minute. Normally after a wedding there would be a reception with family and friends. But Charlie assured me that today would just be a small gathering at the court house, nothing more. I hadn't considered any deviations in this original plan. I was too wrapped up in the wedding itself—the anticipation of Charlie linking to another woman that wasn't Renee for the rest of his life--to think that something else had arisen. I frowned at him and came over.

"I didn't have any plans. Why? What's up?"

Charlie kept his eyes on the mirror. "Well…Sue's having the reception on the beach. You know. In La Push."

I saw the unspoken words in his hesitation. _The reservation_. Where the entire pack would convey for the marriage of one of their own. I swallowed a lump in my throat and ticked off plausible excuses in my brain one after another. I had work to do? I needed to meet with some old friends? I didn't feel well enough to be outside? Damn.

"I know I didn't mention it to you earlier but some of the families there surprised us and, well, they _asked_ us if they could put the dinner together for us."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Oh…well that sounds great Charlie. I had no idea—should I bring something? I didn't think to ask…"

Charlie turned and gave me a gruff half smile. "Bells. I'm not asking you to go. I'd understand."

I cut him off with a quick shake of my head. This was their day and I would stomach seeing the pack if it meant that Charlie could have his family with him.

"No Dad. I want to be there."

Charlie seemed to chew this over as he turned back to the mirror. He gave his tie one last jerk and then came over to put his arm over my shoulder. I smiled down at my flats—Theresa would not approve.

"You do what you can, honey. I don't want you to hurt for me—got it? That's a father's orders."

I nudged him with my elbow and gave him an exasperated look. "I'm not some breakable piece of glass. I can sack up for the day."

He arched an eye brow at me. "Where'd you learn to talk like that?"

I laughed and slipped out from his arm. We drove to the city hall in the rental car (no cruiser for Charlie that day) and met Seth and Leah at the front door. They both looked very handsome, Seth in his suit with a crisp white shirt and tie, Leah in a long ochre dress that clung to her feminine frame. I hugged Seth and gave Leah a cold nod. I hadn't forgotten her words from the day before, and held Charlie's hand as we entered the building; at the front of the rectangular space stood the judge and notary.

"Ready?" Leah asked as she followed us in. We nodded together and Leah all but held back a silent snarl for me. Charlie raised his brows at her.

"I'll get my mother," she said with forced lightness.

I patted Charlie's arm reassuringly.

"I'm sorry you have to inherit her," I muttered to him.

Charlie sighed and gave me a sidelong look. "I don't know. Seems like she'll be able to scare away anyone or anything that tries to come near. It could be a blessing in disguise."

I snorted and tried not to laugh too hard. Charlie had no idea how right he was about Leah being able to defend herself—but a blessing? I wasn't too sure about Leah's thoughts on that. I doubted that she would agree.

Seth clapped Charlie on the shoulder and I gave him a smile in acknowledgment.

"Hey old man—time to get hitched," he interrupted. He flashed a grin at me and I had to blink away the memories that threatened to surface. "Almost sibs!"

I laughed and punched him in the arm. Ow. "Come on, Seth. I already think of you as a little brother. Leah on the other hand…."

Seth rolled his eyes as we walked to the front of the hall. "Yeah I know. She's a pain. And you have _no idea_ how much of a—"

"Seth," Charlie cleared his throat meaningfully.

"I kind of get the picture," I supplied dryly.

Once Charlie and I were set up before the judge and clerk, Leah and Sue walked in. Sue looked beautiful—her short graying hair was curled and pulled back with pins, her olive satin dress demure but perfect for her age. The pair of women made a proud and formidable pair, Leah fiercely protective of her mother while Sue's sharp eyes gleamed bright and intelligent. I sighed. Charlie sure did have a lot cut out for him.

It was a very brief ceremony, one that involved short vows—Charlie never being a man of many words, and Sue understanding the humble rules of second chances. When it was over, the newly-wed couple excused themselves to sign documents and have a private moment. Seth, Leah and I walked out to the cars.

As soon as we stepped onto the street Seth tackled me into his arms. He whooped and lifted me in the air, spinning me around and crowing.

"Seth! Seth you stupid ogre _put me down!_"

He laughed but set me down anyway, keeping his arm over my shoulder for good measure. I smoothed down the delicate dress from Theresa and hoped nothing had broken off. It looked like it was covered in a million soft moth wings with such intricate detail that I probably overlooked most of the grandeur with my untrained eye—however Theresa would know if even a single stitch popped.

"Aren't you happy? We're family now!" he grinned at me. I had to laugh back at him, feeling raw exuberance bubble up impulsively like it always did when Seth was happy. Leah was already at the driver's side of their Jeep Cherokee, texting away on her cell phone, a black expression over her features.

"Hey Bella you're comin' to the beach with us, right?" Seth asked, imploring me with his dark liquid eyes.

"Yeah, I told Charlie I'd be there. I'm sorry I didn't think to offer any help or—"

"Nah Em and Rach handled everything. You know Rachael right? She's—"

I nodded quickly and tightened my grip on his arm. "Yeah I remember her."

"Yeah…well she's…living here now. Um. Anyway, don't worry about it, they've taken care of the planning and food. Bells, I'm absolutely _starving _and I know Em's going to make a huge feast…!"

I just smiled while Seth listed off all of his favorite meals including the tribal food that would be present. While he talked I found my gaze drifting to Leah who stared at us from the jeep. She was glaring at me. As usual. Her eyes were narrowed, her lips tight. I stared back, wondering what I did to piss her off this much. Maybe I would get a chance to talk to her at this party…corner her where she couldn't maul me in her wolf or human form. And if Emily was there, that meant that Sam would be there, too. Leah wouldn't do anything that Sam didn't allow.

Much to my discomfort we drove to La Push together in the Clearwater's Jeep. Sue and Charlie called to let us know that there were a few more things to take care of but they would be leaving shortly. Sue ushered us on ahead of them, asking Seth and Leah to help Emily and Rachael set up the reception. We drove down to the beach and I was surprised at the heartache that it caused. Everything was just as I remembered it.

The same houses dotted the landscape along the mountainside above the bluffs. The entrance to First Beach was marked with bright yellow and orange wildflowers and as we wound down the side of the mountain, I noticed that they served as markers all the way to the beachfront. We got out of the car and I drank in the sight of the blocked off area for the wedding reception. It was as if someone had taken a photo from a magazine or wedding brochure and mapped it out in real life. There was a rustic, free-standing carved awning draped with a white canvas canopy and lined with bouquets of similar bright wildflowers. Elegant high-backed wooden chairs with unique patterned seat cushions swept down either side of the long dining area, and a smaller table placed at what appeared to be the front was highlighted by elaborate floral and tribal arrangements. And just off to the side, downwind of the tent, was a giant fire pit where several tall shirtless men stood watching pans roast in the coals. I gasped.

La Push might look the same but the amount of wolves must have doubled.

"Seth—_Seth!_" I hissed, grabbing his shirtsleeve. He ditched his jacket and shoes in the car and now walked freely in just his slacks and dress shirt. He was in the middle of loosening his tie when he finally noticed my frantic calls.

"Yes—yes—I read you, Bells. What?"

I gaped at the scene ahead. I couldn't tell from this distance who was who and I was afraid to move forward without knowing what I was walking into. "Seth, did more of you guys phase?"

"Oh." I could hear the flat disappointment in his voice at the small admittance. "Yeah…that."

I grabbed his arm but he didn't stop walking to the group. "What do you mean, 'yeah that'. What happened?"

Seth gave me a pleading look and dragged me with him towards the beach. Leah was already far ahead, calling out to the men closest to her. "Look Bella—can we save that for later? I promise I'll explain things to you as soon as I can."

"Seth—"

"And…whatever happens today. _Please_ just…try to take everything in stride." He gave me a quick smile. "I know you didn't want to hear anything about the pack, so I didn't tell you. A _lot_ has changed."

I gave a low whistle. "Yeah, I can see that."

We approached the group and three boys ran over to us. I held my breath as I could make out their faces. Two were familiar, the third, was not.

"Bella!" Quil shouted to me. He ran over and swept me into a massive hug. Embry followed shortly after, taking his turn to swing me into the air. I laughed and had to steady myself once they put me down.

"Don't you guys know any other way to say 'hi'? I think I'll be going back to San Fran with cracked ribs and vertigo."

The unfamiliar man tilted his head and held my gaze. "I don't know...I rather like this fashion of greeting"

Seth's face tightened. "Hey Bella, this is Merrit—from the Makah tribe," he said, waving to the tall, equally large and well-muscled man with dark hair and light colored eyes. "He's visiting from my mom's side of the family--a distant side."

I didn't fail to notice the emphasis Seth put his amendment, but i was too busy studying the stranger's face, wondering why I found it so familiar. When I looked back at Quil I realized that they had the same cheekbones, the same chin—even the same stance.

"Wait…are you guys…?"

"Yeah," Quil shrugged. "Brother from another mother. Merritt's my first cousin—but from the dark side."

Merrit smiled warmly and let his eyes fall on me. I felt a blush fizz beneath my cheeks. "Well if I knew what kind of outsiders you let in here I'd come over more often."

Quil elbowed him hard in the ribs. His cousin flinched but continued to smile in a distracting way. I was grateful when Seth hooked his arm through mine and pulled me away from the Ateara cousins and a shaking Embry.

"That was not good," Seth grumbled under his breath. He looked troubled, and a line formed between his long brows.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say the Makah aren't on the best terms with us right now. Things are fine today—it's a celebration. But once we're done here, it'll go back to the way they were."

"Which is?"

He flashed me a tight smile. "Later."

I rolled my eyes at him and huffed a sigh of annoyance. I didn't like being kept in the dark, especially when I was in the dark with a pack full of wolves mulling around me.


	7. Chapter 7

Cold Feet.

When I made my way to the tent I immediately found the familiar faces of the pack women. I greeted Emily with warmth and cooed over her 3 year old daughter Michelle. I reintroduced myself to Rachel who gracefully ignored my complicated past with her younger brother and offered her my help in setting the plates. I found a pregnant Kim who was already placing napkins and forks to each setting, and I waved to her. She smiled at me from above the floral arrangements, her cheeks ruddy and her belly full, looking happier than I could imagine possible. We chatted easily about the past couple of years. I hadn't seen either of them in about five years and they were eager to hear what I was doing in California. Rachel just moved back to the reservation. Kim and Jared married shortly after high school.

We were in the middle of lining up the wine glasses when I noticed a rather large truck pull into the lot above the beach.

"Oh, that'll be Dad," Rachael said, looking up from setting down exquisitely carved wooden serving plates. "I'll be right back girls, just sit tight."

I looked up from my adjustments and studied each setting, realizing that not only were the serving dishes carved, but so was everything else that was not glass and silverware. The wood color varied for each plate size, dark teak for the small bowls, cherry red for serving platters, and almost bone-white for the dinner plates, mimicking the brightness and shellacking until it gleamed like fine china. I picked up one of the napkins and inspected the beautifully inlaid wood and burnished copper ring surrounding the cloth. At first I just admired the quality of it, thinking that it was something I would pick up at a boutique in the more affluent district of the city. But as I got closer I found that there was a name inscribed in the copper—I picked up another napkin ring. Another name.

"Kim!" I called, rushing over to her side holding both napkins. She gave me a funny look, appearing more concerned about my ruining her presentation than my distress.

"Yes Bella?"

"Were these personalized?" I held up the napkins for her inspection.

She jerked her head away instantly and I brought my hands back to a more suitable level, a little embarrassed at my overzealousness. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Ugh—that smell. Sorry I'm so sensitive now that I'm…you know. Copper makes me nauseous."

"Sorry," I hastened to mumble.

She beamed at me and I realized what people meant by a maternal glow.

"S'okay. Yeah—they were all handmade with inscriptions. The dishes too."

I shook my head and looked around at the fifty odd place settings. This must have cost Charlie and Sue a fortune! No wonder they wanted a low-key wedding—they were splurging on the gifts and food. It was strange. Charlie was never tight-fisted with money, but I couldn't imagine him choosing to spoil his guests with dinnerware. And then I remembered that Charlie hadn't planned the wedding reception at all...

I looked over to the direction that Rachael had run in and felt my heart sputter.

Billy wheeled from the passenger side of the truck with his daughter, her hand on his shoulder, smiling brightly at him while he let out a booming laugh. I sucked in a breath, hoping that I could stomach what came next. From behind the cab of the truck I could see an odd shaped lump floating above the roof. It moved around to the side, and finally into view. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

Jacob walked to the passenger side of the car with a giant rolled up rug balanced against his shoulder. He held it there easily as he walked with his sister and father, nodding to them, smiling when they did. He and Billy were dressed in surprisingly formal clothing for the event, both men wearing slacks and collared shirts. I couldn't take my eyes off of the trio as they made their way from the parking lot to the ramp located a few yards away. I bit my lip when Jacob bent over and unfurled the rug, laying it down at the end of the planks and rolling it to the dining area. Billy waited patiently at the end with Rachael, talking softly and watching as Jake worked. Once he finished he tucked the corners of the broad carpet down with some sand and then jogged back to his family. I watched as Billy grasped his son's hand in thanks and then began to wheel forward on his own, Rachael and Jacob close behind.

"Oh my God," I whispered, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I turned away so that I didn't have to look at the approaching party. I clapped a hand to my mouth, hoping that I could force down the strangled cry that clawed its way up my throat.

Kim touched my arm softly as I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. My shoulders trembled as I hunched forward, furiously wishing that I could be invisible. As if she could hear my thoughts, Kim graciously stepped to my side, obstructing my view of Jake and hopefully their view of me. She was by no means a big girl, but her swollen midsection was big enough to draw the eye away from my pathetic, cowering frame.

"Bella—" she whispered to me gently. "Bella, do you need to leave?"

"Yes," I managed to squeak in anger and relief, hating my voice for betraying my weakness. She nodded in understanding and quickly took the napkins from my shaking hands.

"Go," Kim told me, understanding softening her bright eyes. "But please tell someone if you're going to leave the beach—there's a reason we have so many wolves these days."

I gave her a wide-eyed look and she just jerked her head towards the back of the tent where my freedom lay. My curiosity about the pack numbers was almost greater than my fear of Jacob—but not quite. I rushed off with a quick 'thank you' and took long, awkward strides to the back of the tent. I shimmied out between the white curtains and felt the sand beneath my feet once I was free of the dining room floor. I broke into a run. Some of the guests who arrived early and lounged beyond the tent turned to watch me go. I didn't care. I was in full panic. I lost a shoe in the sand but I didn't stop to pick it up. I had to get as far away from here as possible so that I could collect myself. If Jake saw me break down…

"Bella!"

I gasped, and ran harder. It wasn't easy to do in the sinking, shifting sand with a short and delicate dress on, but I'd be damned if someone was going to catch me before I could get a moment to myself. There went my other shoe.

"Bella—stop!"

I could see a cave up ahead where the sand faded into rocks and amassed to a long jetty extending out to the gray-blue ocean. I could hide in there for a while maybe, until I collected myself. The darkness was uninviting and the waves looked like they sometimes reached far up the shore and into the mouth, but I'd take what I could get.

Whoever was chasing me caught up to me before I realized it. I felt iron-wrought arms swoop me up by the waist right as I was leaping for my next stride. Well damn me, I guess.

"Let me go!" I screamed, pushing and straining against the body that tried to hold me captive. Whoever it was threw me over his back caveman style, trapping my legs down with one arm and balancing me on their shoulder with the other. I felt the feverish heat of werewolf skin against my own and it only served to fuel my need to break free.

"Bella _stop_! Stop it!" It was a command, not a request. It was Embry.

"What the hell is going on? Why'd she start running?"

"Um, she does that sometimes."

I paused in my frantic but useless struggle to find Quil, Seth and Merrit jogging up to us from behind. I craned my head around and noticed that the guests from the tent were watching. I dropped my face into Embry's shoulder with a sigh. My first day back with the pack and I was already causing a scene.

"Shit," I groaned in defeat. I stopped flailing and took a moment to catch my breath.

"That's the spirit," Quil snarked with a shit-eating grin. I threw him a dirty look.

"Bella, I'm going to put you down now," Embry cautioned. "You think you'll be okay?"

"Yes, Embry I'll be _fine_," I huffed with obvious malice. I heard the other wolves chuckle.

"You're not going to run?"

"No."

"Are you going to faint?"

"_No_."

"Are you sure? Because I remember you—"

"Embry Call put me down _now_ or I'll tell Charlie about the time that you broke into the girl's dorm at—"

"Okay! Okay! _Jesus_—" Embry unloaded me from his arm and dumped me unceremoniously onto the sand. I staggered but he gripped me under the arms to help me gain my bearings at the last second.

"Whoa--hooo _Officer Call_," Quil grinned maliciously. "What'd the chick say?"

Embry growled at him. "_Nothing_. There was a misunderstanding. It was fine."

I scoffed. Misunderstanding was a delicate way to put it. Embry had nearly torn off a poor girl's door after breaking in through the main hall of the dormitory. When he found out that she'd gone on a date with another student from the University, he raced to Seattle to confront her. Jacob had to drag him out of there that night—

I swallowed and ducked my head, pretending to look down in the sand.

"Looking for these?" Merrit asked. He shoved a pair of shoes under my nose and I looked up in surprise. He smiled at me again, that same warm melting look that he gave me before. He chuckled. "Maybe if you had kept them on you would have outrun us all."

I took them back quickly and avoided his invasive eyes. "Th-thank you." I bent down to put them on so they wouldn't see my bright red face.

Seth came forward and gave me the most annoying look of brotherly concern. "Bells, you gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine," I snarled softly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Calm, calm, calm…I felt nothing at all like it. I blew out a long gust of air and opened them again. Ignoring the males standing around me, I began to adjust my strapless dress and smooth out the mussed parts. If Theresa screamed at me for what happened to it I'd throw a shoe at her. She couldn't yell if I explained that I was running to save my sanity.

"Cinderella," Quil drawled, breaking into my peace. "If you're done, can we please get back to the ball now?"

I shot him a murderous glare and he snapped his mouth shut. Merrit grinned, tempting me to shut him up too if he so much as cracked a joke about the weather. I was in no mood. It was embarrassing enough to have the members of the pack come to find me—Jake would see it all as soon as thry phased. But to add injury to insult, half the guests had witnessed my flight as well. Time to sack up like I'd told Charlie and face the music.

"So sorry to ruin your special day Quil," I snapped, my rattled nerves causing my patience to wane. "I didn't realize this was _your_ wedding."

He gave a harsh laugh. "No, just your father's."

That shut me up.

As much as I hated to admit it, Quil was right. I was being a selfish, spoiled brat trying to make Charlie's big day into my own little pageantry. I shook my arms out, flexing my fingers and trying to find the courage to smile and pretend to be happy--for Charlie. I wasn't sure that it was there, but I would rather drown myself than let my father see how much of a coward I was. He already had to deal with me running away to San Francisco so that I had an excuse not to come home. Today was his wedding day. I owed him this.

"Alright." I steeled myself, reinforcing my nerves with false bravado. "Let's get this over with."

* * *

**Enter Jacob Black....**


	8. Chapter 8

"Leave it."

The dinner went off without any further problems. I sat safely between Charlie and another officer from the station at the head of the long rectangular space, looking out into the tent where the tribe, a few of Charlie's friends, and the Makah visitors mingled at their tables. Emily and Rachael were in full hostess swing and were constantly on their feet refilling plates, pouring wine, and tending to the guests. Sam, Seth and Leah were also moving about quite often, assisting with the two women when they could, but mainly acting as sentries, checking on the fire pit to make sure it remained in control and monitoring the beachfront and parking area. I squirmed uncomfortably when I found Quil, Merrit and Embry eyeing me from opposite corners of the room. Quil and Embry sat on the far right of the dining area, nearer to Colin, Brady, and the Black's while Merrit and Sam sat on the left side of the floor with Paul, Jared, Kim and the Makah guests, as well as some of Sue's extended family. Large men were dotted intermittently amidst the diners—obviously wolves but faces that I didn't know. However it appeared as if they were evenly spaced on the floor. There were eight abnormally large men to the right and eight to the left. Maybe Sue planned it that way in case anything went wrong.

I stared down into my plate, hoping that I wouldn't have to make eye contact with my self-assigned parole officers. It was a small consolation to know that the wolves at the table were watching Jake as closely as they watched me. I picked up another forkful of salmon and tried to enjoy the melting flavor rather than stare at the side of Jacob's head. He was seated facing out to the ocean, much to my relief and chagrin, between his father and Rachael—although she was never in her seat. Every quick glance that I stole told me a little more and a little less about him after three years apart.

He was almost the same as I remembered. Just as tall, brawny, and beautiful as ever. As the legends promised, he hadn't aged a day since his transformation, but fortunately for him, he was finally starting to catch up to his actual twenty-two years. People would believe him now when he said it, rather than his flimsy attempt to pass as a sixteen-year old in a mid-twenties looking body. Everything was the same, but with only a few subtle but glaring changes. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but he seemed much more reserved—controlled maybe. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. His shoulders squared with tension. He hesitated before he laughed. It wasn't for lack of sureness, I decided. Jake carried himself confidently, his head high, eyes quick and assertive.

It reminded me of Sam. From the first day that he changed, I could tell that Sam Uley had left a mark on him—both mentally and physically. But tonight it was apparent that Jacob was very much the prodigy of the giant black wolf.

When the evening wound down and a few musicians came out to play, Sue and Charlie took to the floor for their first dance. I stifled a laugh when I saw the hell-bent look on Charlie's face as he lifted Sue's hand and placed his other on her waist. A soft melodic piece wafted on the evening breeze—it wasn't classical. That wasn't their style. It was something soothing, catchy, peaceful.

The song ended and the guests applauded, smiling at one another and cheering on the newly-wed pair from their seats. The braver couples began to stand and gather in the space between the long dining tables to sway and spin to a new tune. I tapped my foot to the slightly faster beat and peered through the moving bodies, looking for one face amidst the dark-skinned group that made my heart stutter.

I felt a touch on my shoulder and I found Merritt standing behind me, that gentle smile fixed on his face like before. He held out a hand to me and lifted a brow.

"I know we don't know each other very well but…I think this will be fun."

I opened my mouth to refuse. It felt wrong to accept given the company and my past…but his blunt honesty and the bravery that it took to come up to ask me stopped the words from leaving my lips. I supposed it would be okay to chance just one song. I wasn't as terribly clumsy as I used to be now that I grew into my body somewhat. College helped. So did living on my own without super-human beings always waiting to catch me when I fell. And if I really botched the whole thing I'm sure that the pack would get a kick out of me crushing this new member's toes.

I let myself smile through my heated cheeks. "Why not," I stammered.

Merritt's grin widened and he helped me to my feet, his scorching palm catching my attention. I bit my lip and followed him around the table, forcing my shaking legs to walk. I felt as if dozens of pairs of eyes turned to watch us as we found a space on the floor and began to move to the music. Merritt squeezed my hand and unease began to stir in my stomach. Maybe my whim hadn't been as harmless as I thought. Merritt's bravery earned him points but that didn't make this a good idea by any means. He jiggled my arms a little, seeing that I was distracted.

"Nervous?" he joked, showing all of his teeth.

"No…I just don't normally dance." I admitted lamely.

He chuckled. "You don't _look_ like you don't normally dance."

I turned away towards the beach, not knowing what to say. Oh—that was a terrible idea. I saw Embry nudge Quil who then jerked his head in my direction. And then Jacob began to twist in his seat--

I took a deep breath and quickly ducked my head, hoping that Merritt's huge body would effectively block me the way Kim's swollen belly had. God I hoped Charlie couldn't see me—I couldn't even begin to imagine what he'd make out of my dancing with another member of the pack—the pack that he _didn't_ know about—

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I responded too quickly, knowing that I'd spaced out for a moment. I closed my eyes, wincing inwardly at my obvious inattentiveness. We continued to dip and turn, me stiffly, Merritt with a little more grace than I expected out of a trained professional dancer.

Merritt chuckled and looked up over my head. I blew out a breath and hoped the song would be over soon. I couldn't take the awkward tension that I was creating. Jake was right, I always thought too much—

_No_! Stop it!

Merritt sighed and stopped moving immediately. I stopped too and looked up at him miserably. I was so awful—I couldn't even give a stranger two minutes of my time without letting _him_ back into my thoughts to ruin the moment for the both of us. I knew I wasn't interested in this flashy, confident newcomer but I could have at least done something to show him that I appreciated his consideration to ask me to dance.

"Looks like my time's up," he commented dryly with a forced laugh. He let our arms fall gently, but slid his hands down my wrists until he caught both of my hands in his. I frowned, hoping that I hadn't offended him too much with my distraction.

"I'm--I'm so sorry—"

"Don't apologize."

But Merritt didn't speak the words to me, rather, to himself as he continued to look straight ahead.

"No, _don't_ apologize," said Jacob, suddenly.

I whipped my head around to see Jake only a foot away. My breath caught as I took in how incredibly massive he was—I couldn't believe I'd forgotten what it was like standing next to him. Like standing beneath one of the two-hundred year old redwoods in the forest. I also couldn't believe how much I wanted to run screaming in the other direction.

But this new, strange Makah visitor held me still with his hot hands clasped over mine. He gave Jacob a hard look, daring him to speak.

"_Merritt_," Jake sneered.

"Hey…Jacob," the other man drawled, giving him a grin smooth as silk. "What's up, man."

It wasn't a question, it was a request for Jake to leave.

"Sam wants you," Jacob managed to get through his tightly grit teeth. I gaped at him, wondering that he didn't fracture his own jaw. I could see the corded muscle stand out in his neck and jowls from the amount of pressure he exerted on himself.

Merritt's eyes darted towards the fire pit where Sam Uley watched us with a hard expression chiseled into his features. My gaze flicked from Jake's barely composed face to Merritt's smooth smile and then to Sam's glare, trying but failing to keep up with the exchange.

Suddenly, Merritt laughed as if we were all enjoying a great joke. Jacob's reaction was immediate. I gasped, wondering if this stranger had a death wish—or was certifiably insane. He was purposely provoking Jake in the middle of a crowded dinner party, where things were likely to explode into utter chaos with the fifteen other wolves milling around. I shut my mind away from the image of bulldozed dinner plates, glasses, and canopy—not to mention the inevitable casualties for those who were dancing, seated next to, or tragically near a shifting werewolf. It would be absolute carnage.

And Jake _was_ about to lose it. Even I could see the tremors that started in his balled up fists. It began like a twitch and escalated to a full blown shiver that grew up his forearms and into his shoulders.

Without thinking, I wrenched my hands out from the Makah stranger's and reached for Jake's chest.

"Jake—_Jake_," I called to him just beneath his chin. I stared up at him hoping that he would look at me and away from this maniac. I could feel his heart thunder beneath my palms as if a drummer was banging on his chest from the opposite side, driving Jacob's temper higher and higher as he fought for control.

It was all so familiar. I used to do this for him whenever he was upset—back when we were happy and Jake was still getting used to his new body. It didn't always work. Sometimes he had to shove me away before he ripped his human frame to pieces and let the wolf free. There were, however, a few _very_ close calls. The damage was minimal, but memorable, with Jake punishing himself for days to come. Thankfully, I could count those moments on one hand.

Merritt shook his head and turned from us both with a dark look.

"Look at the whipped pup," he muttered loud enough for my human ears.

Jacob inhaled sharply and a growl ripped through his teeth. Some of the couples who had already begun to edge away now stopped to watch.

"Jacob Black—_leave it_."

Instinct and habit took over. I gripped a fistful of his shirtfront and tugged him in the opposite direction, as far away from prying eyes and innocent bystanders as possible. We ignored the curious looks that followed us. They would forget soon enough. To them it would simply appear like I was trying to keep an argument away from the party—but fifteen guests, the elders, and Sue would know better.

I towed him behind me to the parking lot above the beach and didn't stop to look back until we were far enough away from the party that no one would hear our conversation as long as we kept it to soft shouting. When we were at his truck I finally released him. Jacob let out a hot, pent-up snarl of rage and stalked away from me without another word. I crossed my arms and waited for him to come back. But after several seconds of him walking off into the darkness I had to chase him down.

"Jacob," I called. "Jake wait!"

"_Stay back Bella_," he warned me in a gravelly voice.

I slowed down to a fast skipping-walk and allowed him a yard or so to breathe.

"Jacob will you please calm down and come back with me? I don't want to ruin the night for Sue and Charlie right now—" I stumbled over a dip in the dirt path and had to quickly catch myself before I fell face first into Jacob's legs. The sun was nearly below the horizon and I could barely make out my pale legs into the growing darkness. "Jacob Black—"

"Why are you following me!"

"_Ow_!"

Jacob turned on me so quickly that I ran right into his chest and bounced off like a rubber ball. He didn't reach out to steady me as I teetered on unsteady legs, but stood his ground, arms crooked, feet slightly spread as if he were ready for me to tackle him. I glared daggers at him and wished that I had the strength to pummel his face into the road. He needed someone to do that. He was so damn _stubborn_.

"Dammit Jake!" I cried out, massaging the spot on my chin where I connected with his sternum. Was he really _that_ strong? I would probably have a bruise there tomorrow morning. I sighed, trying not to let my frustration and anger along with three years of not being able to let him go eat away at the little control that I had.

Jacob folded his arms over his chest and raised his chin. I studied the hostile expression on his face and knew it was a lost cause. If I lost my temper now, Jacob and I wouldn't make it back to the party in one piece. I would most likely be in tears and he would have shredded the costly looking dress shirt and pants he had on.

"You want to say something? So say something." He peered down at me with contempt.

Reason told me not to talk, to save it for a quieter time and place. But who was I kidding? I was never one for reason. I thought a vampire would love me forever. Wrong. I thought Jake would always be with me. Wrong from the start. No, with me, reason didn't have an ice cube's chance in hell.

"You're…._such an asshole_!" I cried out.

"Thanks Bella, it's good to see you too," he retorted through a bitter grin.

I felt like I was going to explode from anger. I balled up my fists, ready to break my knuckles against his face just to show him how pissed off I was.

"Jacob, what the hell was that childish crap? What—are you, jealous? You didn't want Merritt dancing with me or something?"

He laughed harshly and kept that tight, bitter smile. "Don't think so highly of yourself, Bells. It's got nothing to do with you."

I flinched hearing his old nickname for me. I stuck my chin out and glared him down, an unimpressive feat as I was at least a foot shorter than he was.

"Fine—so what was that about?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It doesn't concern you."

"I think it _does_ concern me when you come over and make a scene like that!"

"This isn't _about_ you, Bella!" He took a step forward and leaned in unconsciously trying to use his size to intimidate me. I knew Jake wouldn't purposely do something like that—or at least I thought that he wouldn't.

Unconscious or not, what he didn't realize and what I didn't predict was the effect that being so close to him would have on me. Now that we were alone I felt things that I knew I shouldn't. I froze as soon as I could feel his heat pulsing through his clothing. It washed over me and transported me to a time when we were curled up in bed with his arms around me, his face in my neck, his hands in my hair—

My eyes widened and I felt my lower abdomen tighten in an automatic response. And just like that, the anger was gone. It was replaced with such an intense longing to stroke his face, to touch his heated skin, that I nearly forgot why I kept away from Forks for so long. Jacob seemed to be having some trouble keeping his eyes away from my lips. His ferocious glare faltered and his infinitesimal hardness slipped for a second. I saw him take a quick darting glance at my mouth.

"Jake," I whispered. My hand lifted of its own willpower and slowly reached to close the distance between us.

He took a quick step back. It was stiff and jerky movement, almost like someone else had forced him to do it. It didn't mean that it didn't hurt just as much.

I recoiled and quickly crossed my arms over my chest, feeling my cheeks burn in humiliation. That was it. Jacob might as well have slapped me in the face—this was how he wanted to start off the night? Fine.

Without another word I turned on my heel and walked back to the beach. An angry tear leaked down my cheek and I hastily wiped it away before it fell. I was so upset that I'd shown so much weakness since our final talk in Seattle that I began to forget why I chased him out here in the first place. I'd meant to calm him down—now _I_ needed the calming. I stormed across the parking lot and found the rental Jeep that Charlie had driven over and slipped between the passenger side and the minivan parked beside it.

Get a grip, Bella. I covered my face with my hands and forced my lungs to inhale and exhale after counting to four each time. It helped some—at least to keep the sobs from taking over—but it did nothing for the terrible emptiness that grew in my chest with each breath. Should I stop breathing to stop the hole? Should I keep going and let it consume me? I finally let one sob shake from my lips as I clenched my teeth, thankful that I could at least hold back the tears. I wasn't about to return with a red nose and puffy eyes.

"God Jake," I whispered hoarsely, clutching my arms around my chest. "Don't do this to me again…"

I grit my teeth against another shattering sob and sucked deep, almost painful breaths to calm down. I was _not_ going to do this. I could cry at home all I wanted but there was no way in _hell_ would I give Jacob Black the satisfaction of seeing me cry over him tonight. After a few minutes and a few false starts, I was ready to go back to the party. I stormed down the walkway and dragged my feet in the sand before making it back to our table. Thankfully Charlie and Sue were talking to their guests, but Leah was in her seat just two down from me, looking about as miserable and dejected as I did.

"You ready to go home?" she grunted at me.

My head snapped up towards her. "What?" Had Leah decided to relinquish her fanatical vendetta against me?

Leah sighed as if she were addressing a very slow, very stupid person. "I _said:_ Are. You. Ready—"

"I heard you—" I cut her off with a blistering look. Okay, maybe she hadn't. I wasn't in the mood to put up with her crap tonight.

Did I imagine it, or was Leah smiling? I bit back the temptation to turn back and look.

"Alright then," she got up slowly and stretched her long sienna limbs languidly, more like a cat than a wolf. "Let's get out of here. I'll grab Seth—he has a game tomorrow."

I allowed her a few minutes to search for Seth before I gathered my scattered brain from the floor. I went to say my goodbyes to the few people I knew. I hugged an apologetic Embry. I gave Emily, Rachel and Kim a kiss on the cheek each and promised to see them before I left for San Francisco. To Paul, Jared, Quil and Billy, I told them I would try to say goodbye but that I had limited time and was looking to spend most of it with Charlie. It was a lie, and both parties knew it. I avoided Sam and the Makah visitor.

Charlie and Sue were last. I caught them at the tail end of a conversation with one of Sue's distant relatives. Charlie waved me over.

"You're okay?" Charlie asked me brusquely, lifting an eyebrow.

I flashed him a false smile. "Yup. Never better. Leah and Seth are heading out so I'm going with them—give you guys some time to hang out."

Charlie and Sue exchanged a look. I paused, suspicion rising in me as I sized them up. Speaking of quality time…

"Er—Bells—"

Seth suddenly swooped in with a huge grin plastered over his face. He linked his arm through mine and jostled me in his hurry to run over.

"Hey Chief Swan—! Bella can stay with us tonight right? You're not gonna kick her out into a motel or anything are you?"

Sue laughed nervously and I had to crack a half smile at my quickly reddening father. It _was_ their wedding night and it should be _real_ wedding night. Without the visiting prodigal daughter to interrupt whatever they had planned.

I patted Seth's arm and beamed shamelessly at the new couple. "I think Charlie was just going to let me fend for myself on the streets, but thanks Seth—I'd love to stay with you guys for the weekend."

Charlie sputtered a terribly botched, embarrassed response and I couldn't stop the true laughter that burst from my lips. Seth and I left after hugging our parents goodbye and met Leah at the Jeep. I sighed as I got in. At least _one _couple could be happy in Forks tonight.


	9. Chapter 9

Instant Replay.

I made breakfast in the morning much to Seths' delight and Leah's grudging gratitude. I was proud of myself. French toast, spinach and mushroom frittatas, bacon, fresh fruits, and hashed minced potatoes on the side. It did take some composition and time, but since I slept for about a total of three hours, I decided a run to the grocery store might be better than tossing and turning on the Clearwater's couch.

When Seth awoke to the sound of me clanking away in the kitchen at 8 am, he skipped over and practically snapped me in half with an exuberant hug. I coughed and bent to let the stars face from my vision, glaring after him as he danced off.

"You know for such a large kid, especially a football player, you're incredibly prone to prancing around like a—"

"Come _on_ Bells," Seth grumbled as he came back pulling on a pair of sweats. I didn't realize it but Seth slept in his boxers. "Can't a man be happy about food?"

We sat down to a silent breakfast between the three of us. Seth and Leah inhaled the meal faster than I could keep up with and were on their third helping by the time I finished my first. I sat back in my chair and sipped my coffee, completely satiated after several strips of bacon, a slice of frittata and French toast each, and a large helping of potatoes and fruits.

"You know," Seth managed to get out around a mouthful of potatoes. "Your dad 'n my mom should do this more often so you can cook us breakfast."

"What—get married?"

"No, sleep—"

Leah smacked him across the back of the head.

"Ow—_what_?"

"Seth, that's your _mother_ you're talking about."

He scoffed and shoveled more food down his throat. "Whatever. She's a grown woman; she can do what she wants."

I covered my face with my free hand and excused myself from the conversation with a laugh. I picked up my coffee and went outside to the front porch, inhaling the clean scent of fresh overnight rain, forest, and sea beyond the cliffs. The early morning air was chilly, and my combination of sweats and an old battered up t-shirt that I found in my room didn't keep the cold from touching me. Last night I had to run into my house like a madwoman, grabbing whatever I could find before Charlie and Sue came home. I didn't want to think about being around for a second bout of awkwardness.

I took another sip from my coffee and stared into the trees, mt mind inevitably wandering to the wolf pack. It seemed obvious that there was still some threat if their numbers doubled, but neither Seth nor Leah had volunteered any information the other night once we returned home. I didn't think to ask. I was too wrapped up in my brief exchange with Jacob to think about anything else.

Jacob. I stared at the trees, remembering all the times that I would wait for him at Billy's while scouring the edge of the forest until he came bursting out. Sometimes he would run out in full wolf form right up to the front porch. Other times he would just emerge in nothing but shorts and a huge mischievous grin on his face. I closed my eyes and leaned against the porch railing, soaking myself in old memories and the feel of his hot arms around me—the nostalgia was almost enough to ward off the morning chill from my skin.

When I opened my eyes again, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I could see him exactly as I pictured it in my mind. Tall, bronzed, striding forward with confidence. I blinked to try to clear my vision.

But sure enough, there he was. Jacob Black, walking out from the woods in nothing but a pair of athletic shorts. I gasped at the sight of him. Even from afar I could see the dark lines of his body ripple with muscle as he shifted his weight from foot to foot coming down the hill from the trees. His thick arms swung from his broad shoulders as if hinged, his abdomen clenched and unclenched as he adjusted his weight, showing off every set of muscles rippling down his torso. I felt my heart skitter as I drank in the sight of him. He glanced around, watching for any other movement so early in the morning, but nothing except for the Clearwater's house and their scattered neighbors broke the grassy field.

I stared him down, too mesmerized in the way that he moved, of the sureness of his god-like body, to tear my eyes away and run back into the house. He was absolutely perfect and exactly how I remembered him. Jacob's head snapped up a dozen yards away when he caught my scent. He stiffened but didn't stop moving. I felt my entire body shiver at the connection when our eyes met.

"Jake," I breathed.

I didn't know what to feel—I was torn between the anger, pain, and humiliation that he evoked in me the night before and the impossibly magnetic pull that I felt towards him now. _This_ was the reason that I stayed away from Forks. Because like last night, no matter what, I _knew_ that I would immediately find myself reaching for him despite the millions of arguments and concrete reasons I had for leaving. I _knew_ that the pull would start from every fiber of my body, trying to connect me with him, trying to meld me to his warmth and comfort. But it would never happen—it couldn't happen.

Because Jake had a soul mate out there and no matter what he said, or how much he didn't want it to happen—one day she would be the end of us. The hypothetical existence of her _had_ ended us.

That was enough to snap me out of my trance. I blinked and stood straighter, planting my feet squarely as he came up the porch and fixed me with a dark, fathomless gaze. The rise and fall of his broad chest told me that he wasn't as calm beneath his placid expression as he appeared to be, and I failed miserably trying to hide my nerves as well. The coffee in my hand began to spill to the floorboards.

"Shit," I mumbled, clutching the cup with both hands.

Jacob glanced down and then back to me, standing far away this time so that his warmth didn't reach me.

He studied me carefully. His eyes roved over every inch of my body with such intensity that I had to shift just once to relieve my stress. I felt heat rise from my cheeks and creep steadily up to my hairline in the most embarrassing and overdone blush of my life.

He finally lowered his gaze to something in the middle distance.

"That's my shirt," he said softly.

My eyebrows snapped together. I glanced down at the gray faded cloth with nondescript print on it. Did I make a mistake? "N-no…it was in my room. I found it in my room."

Jacob's eyes flicked back to mine with veiled emotion. "Bella, I used to go to your room, too."

Just like that, I felt my nerves snap. His simple words meant no offense, but I found something abhorrently hurtful in them. Just as if he'd picked out the one kind memory I had and slandered it mercilessly.

Without thinking I put the coffee down on the railing, stripped the offensive garment off and threw it into his startled face. I wore nothing but a bra and sweats now.

"There. It's yours, keep it."

I snatched my mug up again, sloshing its lukewarm contents over my pants and feet and dashed back into the house before I could do anything or say anything stupider than what I just had. I was mortified. I blew past Seth and Leah who looked up in surprise and wedged myself into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

I smacked the mug down on the counter and braced myself, looking up at my wild expression in the mirror. What was I _doing_? I couldn't keep it together for _one minute_ with Jacob! I looked down at my shirtless reflection and tried to erase his stunned expression from my memory. That was something I'd rather not recall—ever.

After a few moments, I heard a soft rap on the door.

I groaned and moved to sit on the counter. "Occupied," I groused.

"Bella, let me in please," Leah called from the other side.

I crossed my legs under me and let out a soft string of expletives under my breath. I picked up my coffee in case I needed something to throw.

"Let me in or I'll break in. And I don't want to break my own bathroom door."

I sighed and dropped my forehead to the lip of the mug.

"You don't have to break anything. It's unlocked."

Leah turned the knob and stepped in, quietly shutting the door behind her. I peeked at her around the cup and immediately regretted it. Worse than seeing her pissed or annoyed, was seeing Leah Clearwater look at me with pity.

"Ugh, Leah not you too, _please_—" I said, still talking around the coffee cup pressed to my face.

"Give me that." She yanked the cup away and dumped the contents into the sink. I gave her a wretched look but held my tongue. Leah snorted and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't worry, I don't feel _that_ bad for you. I just think you two are so beyond fucked up that it's only humane to feel some sympathy. You're reminding me of what it's like to be tortuously in love."

I flinched at the words and she chuckled. "See? Even that makes me pine for the ol' days when I was so wrapped up in Sam I couldn't tell his ass from his face."

"I don't want to imagine that."

She shrugged and leaned against the opposite wall, giving me a once over that I didn't appreciate. I didn't care that I was shirtless in front of this girl. Even thought she loathed me, and for some reason decided to console me in her bathroom, I didn't feel shame. But it was demeaning that Leah of all people would be the one to save me in my time of need.

"Fine. Don't. All I'm saying is that while you're here, you might as well set a few things straight don't you think?"

I glared at her. "I don't owe him anything!"

"Maybe not, but you owe _us_ something," she replied scathingly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just think of it from the pack's perspective. We hear every idiotic thought that runs through his head from what he had for breakfast to the most recent squabble between him and Billy. We feel everything too, Bella. You know that. When someone's annoyed, we're all annoyed. When someone's happy, we're all happy. So can you imagine what it felt like when you left? I know you don't like it, but we know all the details. When it happened, Jake couldn't shut up the thoughts in his head even if he'd severed it, locked it in a steel safe and dropped it in the ocean. And now _I'm_ wondering why you left! It hurts me too."

I miserably lifted my eyes to Leah. Whatever happened between Jake and I was solely between us--not the pack. My decisions were my decisions. If Jake was attached to eight—now fifteen other brains, that was _not_ my responsibility.

But I truly hadn't given any thought to the repercussions of Jacob's pain. A tiny hint of guilt rose in me but I slapped it away.

"Look, I don't care if you two end up together or not," Leah continued. "But at least give him and the rest of us the courtesy of some closure will you? You don't understand, it's like a tattoo patterned into his brain. 'Why, why, why.' It drives us _nuts_ Bella!"

I narrowed my eyes at her, feeling the need to defend myself somewhat.

"So let me get this straight. You want me to talk to him because he can't keep his thoughts to himself?"

Leah reached the end of her borrowed patience. She growled at me and I tried not to shrink away. It was very difficult.

"Don't be stupid, Bella. It's not like we choose to hear any of it. It's what you get when you deal with a wolf." She laughed bitterly. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

I snorted. We sat in silence for a moment as I let her words sink in and Leah boiled through her own thoughts. There were a lot of things that Jake and I left unanswered when we split up several years ago, and a lot of things that I wished I hadn't said. I remembered telling him I needed to live my life away from Forks, that we weren't good for each other. He wanted to stay there on the Reservation and I needed to get away from the memories, even though they didn't hurt as much as they used to. But what hurt him the most, what hurt me the most to say, was telling him that I wasn't meant for him. At that point, I was still tainted with fleeting thoughts of Edward--Jake deserved someone better. He deserved someone who didn't have a track record of being so careless with his heart.

Of course what I didn't say but what I meant behind every flimsy excuse was the fact that I thought he deserved his real soul mate. Not a vampire's leftovers.

Leah uncrossed her arms and let her hands fall to her thighs with a loud 'thwap'.

"I can only _suggest _what I think is best. I'm not going to force you into anything, Bella," she admitted through tight lips. I raised my eyes to her and she stared back at me with hard eyes. "Just please think about it. For our sanity."

She nudged herself off the wall and turned to leave the bathroom.

"Leah--?" I called to her before she could grab the door.

She stopped and waited for me to speak.

I winced. There was no other way to say this. "Thanks—for—for the advice."

"Anytime," she said, rolling her eyes and heaving a deep sigh.

"...But I kind of thought that you hated me…what gives?"

She chuckled and ran a hand through her short black hair. "You know I did hate you for a little while. Especially when you first came back. Sorry, it wasn't my choice—Alpha's thoughts are pretty dominant amongst us. But once he saw you at the party I think things calmed down some."

"Sam hates me that much?" I grimaced and looked at my feet. I guess I would be upset too if the sole reason that the pack was unhappy was because of some stupid outsider girl. Maybe I would have to apologize to him later I supposed.

Leah gave me an uncomfortable look. "Not Sam, Bella…Jake."

I gaped at her and my voice came out two octaves higher than normal. "_What_?"

She pulled in her lips and lifted her eyebrows at me. "Yup. Long story and I'm not telling it."

Leah turned to leave again, leaving me no choice but to ask someone else. I stared at the wall straight ahead of me and tried to make sense of everything. I felt like Forks was a peaceful snow globe where I knew where every flake and sparkle rested. And then someone had happily picked it up and shook it around.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot." Leah launched something at me. I shook it out—it was a shirt.

"Try not to walk around topless in front of Seth. I don't want to have to deal with instant replays from him _and_ Jake."

* * *

**Hope that answers a few things for everyone! Will post again soon :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Keep it safe.

I only had four days left in Forks and I needed to spend my time scrupulously. On Monday I went to the station with Charlie to say hello to some of his friends and let him show me off to the office. That night I made dinner with Sue at her house and joked with Seth about his performance on Sunday. Scouts were there and I thought I caught a glimpse of scarlet and gold, along with the colors of UW, Ohio State, and Texas. I was impressed by the turnout that he brought and wondered just how long he could keep up the ruse of being a 'naturally' gifted athlete

When I told him this he laughed in my face and flexed his biceps before me.

"Bella I'm as natural as they come—it's in my genes!"

I shoved him away in playful disgust. "Seth, no one else can phase into an eighteen foot-long wolf," I hissed when Charlie was out of ear-shot. "You may be genetically advanced but that doesn't make you normal."

"Who wants to be _normal_?" he challenged with a smirk.

I laughed at him. "Don't say it like it's a mental condition. Normal is what _I_ am."

Seth grabbed me around the shoulders and grinned at me. "That's right, you're our _normal, special_ friend."

I punched him in the stomach and immediately regretted it. Stupid werewolves and their stupid indestructible bodies.

On Tuesday I spent the morning cleaning my room and packing up what little I could so that if Charlie ever thought of moving or turning it into a second office (although I had no idea what he would do with an office) he wouldn't have to work too hard.

As I picked through my belongings and threw away what I could, I stumbled upon a small shoe box shoved unceremoniously beneath a pile of old sweaters in my closet. I dug it out and went to my bed to inspect the contents. It looked familiar, but it didn't seem like something belonging to me. Maybe Charlie's old fishing tools? No, he had a tackle box for that—and a garage full of odds and ends that I would never be able to name. I turned the box over—it was for a pair of trainers that were a size twelve.

Oh no. My stomach dropped when I realized what I held.

I steeled myself and lifted the cover to reveal photos, tickets, letters, and various other memorabilia that all belonged to my time with Jacob. I sifted through the pictures, each smiling face and loving embrace like a slash to my soul. Here, Jacob and I were at Lake Washington. Another of us standing arm in arm in my freshman dorm room. Another at Billy's house with a full Thanksgiving dinner—my first after a few months at school. I couldn't hold back the tears that slid down my cheeks at the memories that mocked me. The contents of the box looked as if they'd been thrown in there, with no order and no reason to the inglorious shuffling of the pieces of my heart. It felt like that to me, too. As if all I'd done was shove my feelings away in a box and hide it somewhere that I thought I would never look.

Now that I was home again, I couldn't keep the feelings packed neatly away in some hidden crevice. It was all there, the living breathing flesh of what I tried so hard to suppress.

I allowed the tears to come fast and steady as I held the box and cursed myself for my stupidity. How did I ever let it get to this point? How did I just throw everything that Jacob had ever given me in his face after he so lovingly pieced me back together? Edward was a distant twinge in my memory, a scar that didn't heal quite right—but it was a _healed_ scar. And only because Jacob had put the sutures in. It was Jacob who hugged away the pain, Jacob who warmed me when I felt dead and cold.

And then in a show of gratitude—what I thought was an act of mercy—I pushed him away. I was afraid and confused; guilt ridden for thinking that my poor, battered heart couldn't give him the love that he deserved. At the same time, I was so scared of losing him to something that I couldn't fight and couldn't predict.

So I gave up on him. I told myself that leaving Jake would be the best option for both of us. Because then he could be open to finding his imprint, his soul mate. That one person who was meant for him, and whom he was designed for in completion.

It was self-preservation in the guise of selflessness. I fled to California, thinking that by severing the ties that connected us, by cutting out Charlie, the pack, my mother, Forks, I would be able to move on with my crippled life and he would find happiness in the person that he was truly meant to love.

But after seeing Jacob, I realized how wrong I was.

In retrospect, my reasoning was truly despicable. And if self-preservation was the ultimate goal, I was stupid to think that pushing Jake away would help. Because somewhere down the line, the operation didn't go as planned. No matter how far I ran or how hard I tried to forget or how I desperately pretended that everything was okay, Jacob was the only thing left in me. Edward might have taken some of my highly impressionable teenage heart with him, but Jake…I realized now that Jake always had not just my heart, but my entire soul. It was there in his eyes, as clouded and hard as they were. It was there in the pull that I felt whenever he was around. It was in there in his warmth and his love for his family and everything good that he represented.

It was in the fact that nothing—not even my house—felt more like home to me than Jacob, himself.

My chest ached from unleashed sobs. I set the contents of the box neatly back into place and tucked it beneath my arm. I was going to talk to him. Today. Leah was right, I owed him an explanation at the very least.

And maybe, just maybe, if I ever did anything good or worthy of return in my short life, he would forgive me for what I did.

* * *

I sped to Jacob's house, my rental car so much faster than the truck that still hid beneath the blue tarpaulin. That mystery nagged me at the back of my mind and I made a point to settle it with Charlie later that night. I aimed my car down the hill to the Black's property and found that Jacob's large truck was parked in the dirt lot that extended from his garage. As I cut the engine I took in the changes that transformed the small red house from a kind, familiar face to something new and forbidding. Beside Jake's large truck were a small, svelte sports car that looked old and well cared for, along with a bike that was bigger and faster looking than the scrap metal we used to ride. The most incredible change was the new addition to the property that extended out from the brook beyond Jake's window. It was plain and quaint, a cross between a small barn and a cottage with large windows facing the east and a porch that wrapped around the back end of it that overlooked the sloping hillside and Pacific Ocean below. I sat in my car for a few minutes just taking in the scene both new and old, wondering what else had happened since I left Forks.

I got out and dragged my feet to the front door, the shoe box clasped in my hands acting as both a peace offering and a shield. I didn't know what I was going to say. Every meeting with Jake was so charged and clouded with emotion that I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't end up fleeing the scene like I had the past two times. I knocked softly on the front door and waited with my heart in my throat.

"Coming," a female voice called from within. I heard laughter and giggling; my fingers dug into the cardboard.

Oh no….oh please no. Did Jake already find someone? I bit my lip and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw who answered the door.

"Rachael!"

"…Bella," she responded hesitantly, tying up her long dark hair into a bun. She looked slightly red in the cheeks as if she had been bustling around the house. "Are you…what brings you here?"

"I-I came over to…."

Suddenly Paul came up from behind to wrap his arms around Rachael's waist. She giggled up at him and leaned back. My jaw dropped.

"_Paul?_"

The temperamental wolf flashed me a bright grin and winked at me. "Nice to see you again, Bella. Glad you worked up the balls to come over. I knew you had it in you somewhere."

"Paul," Rachael admonished him gently.

He chuckled and brought her into his chest by draping his arms over her. Rachael smiled shyly and clasped his wrists, holding him to her while Paul tucked her even closer with his chin. I winced—nothing worse than seeing a happy couple on a day when I had to face an ex. I wondered if Jake knew about this.

I realized that I was staring and that they were both waiting for me to say something. "Um…"

"Looking for Jake?" asked Paul, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Uh…yeah," I supplied, lamely. I truly had a way with words.

"He's in the workshop—but try not to piss him off too much. I have to speak with him after."

I nodded and excused myself from their starry-eyed presence. What _happened_ in the three years I was away? Paul liked girls? Rachael—whom I remembered from childhood, who went away to college to escape the reservation--was with a pack member? Christ. There was just too much to try to keep up with.

I stumbled along the outskirts of the house until I was at the plain barn-like extension nearer to the side of Jake's bedroom. I chanced a look in through his tiny window, thinking of all the times that I spent napping, cuddling, sleeping, and…not sleeping in there. I felt a stirring warmth between my legs at the thought of some of our more heated moments and had to quickly snap myself out of it before the scent became noticeable to Jake. As a wolf, he was sensitive to _everything_. He used to say that if I so much as thought of sex, he would smell it and find me. And he always did.

I sucked in a few calming breaths when I reached the front of the addition and braced myself for whatever was coming. I had no idea what I was going to say. All that I was armed with was a box of happier times and an apology. If that wasn't enough…Well, I would cross that bridge when I got there.

I braced myself and rapped on the wooden door four times. I chewed my lip nervously when I heard the sound of something heavy being set down and the the latch on the door being thrown.

"Quil, for fuck's sake I told you _not today_--" Jacob began to growl as he poked his head out the door. The words died on his lips as his eyes found me.

At first he was so shocked to see me that he slipped up. The hard expression—Sam's expression—that I thought had been etched into his features fell briefly, allowing me to see the old Jacob that I knew and loved. I faltered too, the sight of his familiar face hitting me harder than I could have anticipated. His eyes were wide in surprise, his mouth still half-open from his previous sentence. I drank him in--_my_ Jacob's face--hungrily like I was taking my first desperate breath after being submerged for far too long.

But just as soon as he revealed himself—his old self—the mask was back and he was locked away behind a cold, unreachable wall.

He wedged his body in the narrow opening of the doorway and glared at me with guarded eyes. His expressions was lightly confused but no more or less troubled than if he found a work tool out of place when it should have been put in a tool box. I hugged my shoebox of memories to my chest and stammered an unintelligible hello.

Jake leaned forward slightly. "What did you say?"

I cleared my throat and looked down. I tried again. "Hi Jake."

His eyes darted beyond me to the house and then back to my face. "Bella, what are you doing here?"

So much for formalities. "I need to talk to you."

Jake appraised me for a long, hard second. Then he crossed his bronzed arms over his bare chest and lifted his chin in the same stance he'd taken on the night of Sue and Charlie's wedding. I was ready for it this time, and I wouldn't run away. If this was all he was going to give me, I deserved it.

"All right," he said, his words clipped. "Talk."

"I…" I chanced a look over his shoulder into the workshop where it seemed a little more private than standing out in the open in his backyard. "Is there somewhere we can go?"

"This not good enough for you?"

I forced myself not to squirm beneath his penetrating stare. "No, no…um. This is fine."

Jacob waited with the same slightly confused expression on his face as I screamed at my brain to function. It distracted the hell out of me. I couldn't think of the right words to begin with while he stared me down. Everything sounded trite or cliché or flippant. I loosened my tongue and prayed that what came out wasn't going to make me want to fling myself off a cliff.

"Jacob…I'm an idiot," I sighed in defeat.

I guess that was okay. If I couldn't sound eloquent, I could at least be honest.

He appeared to think about this for a second. "Is that so?"

I nodded solemnly. "Yeah. It is."

"Okay…well tell me about it."

Jake tilted his head slightly and I could see the muscles in his jaw flex. I wasn't sure if he was willing to hear me out. He didn't look any more receptive than he'd been the other night, the only difference being he wasn't poised to phase, nor was he yelling at me to go away. I took this as a good sign and continued.

"I…used you. And I'm terrible. And I never should have left you."

"Yup."

I frowned at him but continued anyway. If this was how my apology was going to go, at least I wasn't running away from him. Yet.

"…And I think about it all the time."

"Uh-huh."

"It's the reason that I never come back to Forks—"

"Right."

"And I just want to say that I'm sorry…?" I finished on a higher note. What was he doing?

"Okay."

I stared at him in utter confusion.

"Jacob do you hear anything that I'm saying?"

"Of course I do, Bella," he responded mildly, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. "I'm right here."

I gasped at his coldness. "Jacob what's _wrong_ with you? I'm trying to apologize. I want to explain what happened…but…but if you're just going to brush off everything that I have to say—"

He shook his head and cut me off. "I heard you, Bella. It's fine. Apology accepted." He took a step back into the shop and reached to pull the door shut.

I slapped my hand to the wood and held it still. Jake's eyes flicked to where my fingers curled around the door and then back to me, surprise written across his features. I was a little shocked myself. Jake could have easily slammed the door in my face with my hand still attached to it, crushed between the frame, but he let me hold it open.

"'_Apology accepted_'?" I cried as he regarded me with narrowed eyes. "Come on Jake, you're not even trying—"

He grimaced. "You're right, Bells. And I don't know why you're trying either. Seems like you stopped trying a long time ago."

I ripped the door away from him--again he let me--but his massive body still denied me entrance. "Don't you _dare_ say that! How can you think that I didn't try?"

Jake let out a harsh laugh. "Could've fooled me."

"I tried all the goddamn time!" I cried, raising my voice. "I wanted you Jake—it was just…it was just complicated."

That seemed to trigger something in him. _Finally_—I thought. His eyebrows snapped together and his face became clouded.

"Is that right? You wanted _me_?"

"Of course, that's _exactly_ what I felt." _Feel. _Present tense.

"Well who ended it?" he asked, his words cutting like a whip. Jake's eyes were ablaze now. His face was filled with dark emotion. It was bitter and spiteful and angry. I had never witnessed this side of Jake until today—it was my fault that it came out. Even now, I couldn't fully blame him for the pain that he was inflicting—if anything it was well deserved.

"Tell me, Bella. _Who said that we were over_?"

I felt hot tears rise up in me. I wanted to let Jacob have his anger, but I couldn't stop the frustration and hurt from taking over.

The words came out before I knew what I was saying.

"You did," I cried, clutching the shoebox to my chest like a stuffed toy. I held his eyes with mine even when I felt the water overflow.

"You did. Because she's out there and you'll find her one day. And then we're done." I whispered brokenly. "And then _I'm_ done."

I knew that he could hear everything I said even though my voice trembled and cut off at certain points. I let the tears come down now, hot and much too easily. My earlier crying episode, which I allowed myself to do thinking that it would make me stronger now, only served to warm up the water works.

"I can't believe you're still on that," he breathed, incredulous. In one fluid motion Jacob brushed past me and slammed the workshop door shut behind him. I followed.

"How can I not be?" I pleaded, trying to keep up with him though I could barely see where I was going. "You _know_ one day that's the only thing that will tear us apart—"

"No," Jake growled, abruptly stopping to face me. "_You_ tore us apart—remember? _You're_ the one who wanted to end it! Not me!"

"Yeah, and then what?" I found myself spitting back at him. "And then when you find her what am I supposed to do? You think that I can live through giving you up to someone else?"

"Bella, that's not--It isn't--" Jacob shook his head when he couldn't find the words. He took a deep breath and reached for his hair. I blinked away the sight of his taught abdominal muscles running like a lattice down his front. "You _never_ understood how I felt about you. You still don't understand, do you?"

"What are you talking about?" I cried angrily.

Jacob let out a frustrated snarl and walked in a tight circle away from me, like a wolf turning in his cage. I stayed put, watching him heave and flex. Despite our argument I could still appreciate the way that his body fit so perfectly together, how his broad chest sloped upwards into heavy shoulders and tapered down to his hard waist. Then Jake paused, as if taking a moment to think. He suddenly fixed me with a stony gaze and stalked towards me.

"Bella," he said in a much calmer and deadly voice than I thought possible. I lost some of my composure and I'm sure fear leaked into my eyes.

"If you ever loved me—_ever_. I need you to leave. Now." He let his hands drop from his head and pointed towards the road. "Leave. Don't come back and don't call me. I thought that you hurt me once when you left, but hearing this load of horse shit is worse than I ever imagined. _Leave_."

My heart stopped beating. I felt a cold vein of dread and desolation strike through me, spreading from my core to my limbs to my fingertips and toes. It sucked the wind out of me and dried up my tears. It was as if Jacob's words stole every warm memory from my body. He took it all back to him, back to where it came from.

I slowly relinquished the shoebox now dented with little crescents from my fingernails and set it down on the grass. I didn't want to touch it, to see it, to even know it existed anymore. The absolute loathing that I heard in his voice erased every happy memory that might have been in there.

"Bye Jake," I said mechanically. I took the first few steps away from him slowly, feeling as if I were moving through thick, viscous air.

And then I was running. I pulled out and away from his driveway and began to lose track of time and space. My body operated on auto pilot while my mind fell into a black abyss, where everything was cold, empty, endless—like the look in his eyes.

I was back in my house. I was curled up in bed. I heard Charlie come home and then go back out again. I didn't hear his return for a while and I realized that he told me that morning that he was going to Sue's for the night. He must have seen me lying down and thought I was sleeping.

I might as well be sleeping. Nothing touched me.

* * *

** Let me know if there are any inconsistencies and I'll try to keep a better eye out for things in the future. **


	11. Chapter 11

That night, Edward came to visit me.

I didn't have to move, I didn't have to open the window, I just felt him there in the room. He was really there. After so long, I was still attuned to his very presence. He smiled at me sadly.

I closed my eyes and pulled the blankets over my head.

"No," I said thickly. "You're not real, go away."

"Bella, please."

"I don't hear you anymore. Please just go away."

Cold, marble hands gently removed the blanket from my face. I let him pull it down to my shoulders until we could both stare at each other—him in wonder and me in a dazed and emotionless stupor. In my numbed state I barely registered the implications of his existence. It was my first time seeing him since he left me to die in the forest. My first time seeing him since he told me that he didn't love me. But none of that mattered now.

"I know you're with Jacob Black," he said softly. His voice sounded like a slow melody drawn across a piano.

I sighed and huddled further into my blankets. I didn't want to deal with any of this. My heart thumped limply in my chest like a dying fish trying to flop its way back to water. I was surprised that I didn't feel more shock or pain at his return—to be perfectly honest I didn't feel anything. But that was because it wasn't about Edward anymore. I'd set those bones to rest long ago. He was right when he told me his options of staying in Forks or leaving me to live a normal life—I was human. I would adjust. Except the only reason I found a way to survive was through Jake. And with my emotional cardio defibrillator gone…what else did I have?

"Oh Edward, what have I done?" I whispered brokenly, suddenly feeling an overwhelming surge of pain course through me. I reached out for him and he silently positioned himself on my bed so that I could crush myself to his torso. I cried all over his silk shirt while he gently rubbed my back and whispered soothing words to me.

"Bella…Bella…I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything."

I cried harder when I heard his voice. There was so much to take in and Edward simply allowed me to shed the heaviness in my soul through my tears.

After several minutes my convulsions began to subside and I hiccupped and sniffed unattractively while I came down from my hysterics. I took my time trying to compose myself, allowing everything to sink in now that my protective shield had withered away. I felt all the hurt as raw and new as ever. Jacob didn't want me. Edward was finally back. I was older, I had a life, and I had to make choices for myself now. My snow globe wasn't just shaken--it had suddenly sprung a leak. The pieces might settle in new places but it didn't matter when there was no fluid to hold it all together anymore.

"Shhh…Bella," Edward whispered to me. I felt his chilled body beneath my too-hot face and I pressed my cheek into his hard chest.

"E-Edward," I stammered. "Edward I ruined everything."

He stroked the hair out my face. "No you didn't."

I pulled back from him and tried to see him through the film of tears and matted strands of hair. He gently brushed them away from my eyes.

"You don't understand. I broke up with Jake years ago, Edward. I made him hate me—he doesn't even want to _speak_ to me again—"

He shook his head. "That's not your fault."

"Don't _tell_ me it isn't my fault!" I blurted out. "How can it not be?"

Edward sighed and a cool wind passed over my face.

"I'm so sorry for ever leaving you," he said, and I could hear the truth through the pain in his voice. "I thought that I could disappear from your life without any lasting damage, but I think my removal was worse than ever interrupting your world to begin with."

It was nice to finally hear the words spoken from the face that haunted me for months after his disappearance, but it wasn't what I was looking for at the moment. I seized my pillow and brought it to my chest as I sat up next to him, hugging it beneath my chin. Edward smiled at my position.

"It isn't your fault," he explained gently. He stilled me with a hand on my knee as I was about to object. "Because you're afraid to move forward with him knowing what else is out there. I don't think that's something that you would do…but it's something that I taught you to fear."

I snorted wetly at his logic. "You think I'll let you take the blame because I'm afraid of getting hurt? Don't be ridiculous, Edward. I don't need your chivalry."

'It's not chivalry. It's the truth."

"That's a weak argument, at best," I parried. I thought that Edward would be more astute than to assume that my inclination to leave Jake drew from my experience with him. Sure, that might have been _part_ of the problem, but an imprint was much, much more terrifying than Jake leaving me. He might always come back, as Edward did now, but if Jake found his imprint—well that was it. There was no consolation prize, no better luck next time. That was the end of Jake and Bella. Bella and Jake.

Even now, I honestly didn't know what I would do if I knew that Jacob had found the one person in the world whom he was made for and who was made for him. Because deep down inside, _I_ wanted to be the one for him. And when it didn't happen for us…well, that was a major blow to my confidence in true love with Jake. Despite that fact that Jake showed me how much I truly cared about him—still cared about him—I could tell that it was of similar caliber to the devotion that I once had for Edward. And Jake proved to me that that kind of love was transient.

I needed the kind of love that caused him to imprint.

"Bella, you know that I can't hear your thoughts, but I can understand Jacob's—"

"_You still read his mind_?" I blurted incredulously, forgetting myself. Regardless of our argument that day, I bristled to think that Edward was meddling in my business, especially concerning Jake. I sat bolt upright and away from Edward, a look of disappointment slashed over my face.

Edward had the decency to look somewhat sheepish. "I watched the wolves carefully after I found out that you left Forks to go to school. Forgive my lack of prudence, please. It was my only way of staying in contact with you after I…" he looked down at his lap. He swallowed unnecessarily—a human habit, I assumed—and forced himself to continue.

"I knew that you and Jacob were together for a while—and I wanted to respect your decisions so I remained…hidden."

"But you tuned in to Jake's thoughts?" I glared at him. "How could you?"

His golden eyes pleaded silently. He held his hands up in a peace offering. "Please, Bella. You have no idea how badly I wanted to return to you after the idiotic choice I had made. But can you not see how incredibly selfish that would have been had I done it? If I followed through with impulse—no, I shouldn't sully it with such insufficient verbiage. If I had followed through with my desperate need to be with you again—what would have become of you and Jacob Black?"

I averted my eyes from his pained gaze and focused on the pillow still bunched up in my lap. He was right. Back then, when I was still hurt and confused, I might have gone back to Edward's side if my heart hadn't fully turned to Jake just yet. There was a period of difficult uncertainty, in which I tortured Jake with my hesitancy and insecurity. I second guessed my feelings every step of the way.

"Bella," Edward spoke in a very quiet voice. I knew this tone he was taking—he meant to strike a chord in me. To make me understand something he deemed very difficult for my human mind to wrap around. I scowled at him and gave him a look that dared him to continue.

Edward faltered again. I could tell that he wasn't used to dealing with this. I was no longer pudding in his arms—Jacob gave me a spine.

"I just came here tonight to see if there's anything that I can do to…assist, or alleviate any problems. I promise you that this time I wasn't _trying_ to listen for Jacob's thoughts, but it's rather difficult to tune out a mind that's screaming decibels above normal human projection."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

He took in a deep breath before speaking. "I mean that Jacob was in some real pain today. I've only known something like it once before." And then Edward gave me an impossibly cheerless look that told me just how honest he was being. My heart softened just the tiniest fraction for him.

"Edward," I sighed. I reached over and placed my hand to his cold cheek.

He closed his eyes and smiled briefly, leaning into my palm before gently removing it and returning it to me. A soft gust of wind left me at this small heartbreaking show of self-denial. The poor thing—he really was sorry for leaving me.

Edward let out a tremulous breath before forging ahead. He bathed my eyes in a golden pool, his gaze powerful and unblinking.

"Bella, if there's any part of you that's holding on to me for whatever reason, I hope you know that my heart is still yours. It truly never left, even while I was away for so long. But I know that Jacob also loves you…as much as I do…and I would rather see you happy with someone who will treat you with as much love and devotion that I could give, than torn apart and forced to choose anything less than what he can offer. And, though it goes against every fiber in my body to say this, I would also rather you consider your options than see you with me."

I felt tears in my eyes at his utterly selfless speech. "Still on that eternal damnation fix, aren't you?" I joked without humor.

He gave me a bleak laugh to match it. "Quite. I'll fight to keep your heart beating almost as hard as _he_ will." Edward shook his head and ran his fingers through his tousled bronze hair. "I finally see that the pup was a worthy rival after all."

I nodded and relaxed against the headboard again, nestling myself against Edward's shoulder. "You mean Alice couldn't tell you that?"

I imagined Edward rolling his eyes then and it made me smile.

"Trust me, Bella. I'm kicking myself pretty hard for this one."

"Well don't boil over it too long," I warned him, gently teasing. "A century or two is enough."

Edward suddenly clasped my chin between two cold fingers and urged me to look at him. We were already so close, but the simple movement brought us only inches apart from one another. His eyes roamed over my face, searching and familiarizing himself with the way that five years had settled over my features. I felt as if I'd softened up enough to be called pretty these days. I was no longer awkward-looking and pointy at the chin. My eyes seemed to open wider, my lips, though I thought them unbalanced at first were attractively full and interesting. I felt a light flush creep into my cheeks.

I thought that if Edward could cry, he might just then. That tortured look was back in his eyes and I immediately regretted my careless words.

"Bella," he said, his voice cracking. I was surprised to hear him so shaken. "If there's one thing that I'm sure of, it's that I will _never_ forgive myself for losing you. I've never regretted anything more in my century of existence than the day that I left you behind."

I trembled, not from emotion or exhaustion, though I felt both, but from the intensity of his gaze on me now. It was truly as if the five years apart had done nothing to abate the feelings he had for me, although it irrevocably changed my own. An overwhelming and unforeseen wave of guilt washed over me, momentarily erasing my problems with Jacob.

Jacob!

I blinked and yanked away from his grasp.

"Edward! Please don't—don't _do_ that to me again," I stammered, inching away from him. He stared back at me in shock, hurt and—did I imagine it?—_disappointment_.

I found the courage to shuffle away from him and sit at the side of the bed so that I could face him directly. He let his hands drop to his sides and sat so still that it unnerved me. He stared straight ahead at his legs, a slight frown on his face.

"Edward…?"

He bowed his head and covered his face with a hand. "I'm sorry Bella…you really have no idea how difficult it is for me to come back."

I held my breath and fought the urge to touch him. He looked so pathetically worn and vulnerable, though physically he was anything but.

"Why did you?" I asked, finally breaking the silence. "Come back, that is."

Edward fixed me with his penetrating gaze. "How could I not?"

I dropped my eyes to my purple covers, trying to find an escape from him. I chose my next words carefully.

"You know…There was a time, even when I was with Jacob, that I would have given anything to know where you were. To see you again. I still loved you so much, even then. But…but now—"

His lip quirked up in a half smile that barely reached his eyes.

"—But now..." and he couldn't finish the sentence. Instead his crooked smile returned in full as if laughing at himself. "Yes, yes. I see, Bella."

I bit my lip and tried not to turn away from him this time. He needed to see the proof in me.

Edward nodded and the curve of his lips turned downward into a grimace.

"Edward, I'm sorry," I began to say, reaching for him.

He held up a hand and I swallowed another apology. Well this was something that I never expected to ever deal with. I always imagined welcoming him back with open arms, ready to forgive him for any and every wrong he'd ever done me. And once I finally got over that hallucination, I accepted the fact that I wouldn't have to consider my reaction to his return, because after years of nothing—no Alice, no Carlise, Esme, Emmett, Jasper or even Rosalie—l knew that they were never coming back.

But here he was, in the flesh so to speak, wanting me back as I _apologized_ to him for finally moving on. If Alice could have told me this even a month ago I would have laughed in her face.

I reached for his hand, ignoring his attempt to ward me off. My fingers firmly twisted into the cold marble of his own. I held our linked hands up to him.

"I will always love you Edward," I said softly, fiercely. "You were the first person that I _ever_ loved and I will never forget what that feels like. But even if I can't find a way to make things right with Jake, I don't want you waiting for me. No one will waste any more time waiting for me."

Edward smiled sadly at my little speech and brought his lips forward to brush against my knuckles. I felt my chest constrict, but only because I knew how much I was hurting him.

He gazed up at me through his lashes and then a true smile spread over his face.

"Bella, I've waited for you to come around for nearly a century. I've finally found you—believe me, it wasn't a waste."

He pulled me over to him and I allowed myself to settle at his shoulder. We sat side by side on my bed, our hands still intertwined. Edward leaned back against the headboard once more and closed his eyes. When he spoke, he didn't move from this position.

"Do you know what I found out today that he's most upset about? More so than this inconsequential concern that you're still holding on to me?"

I slowly shook my head back and forth, knowing that he didn't need to see my gesture to know what I meant.

A line formed over his forehead. "He's angry that you aren't letting him imprint on you, Bella. He thinks that you're _stopping_ it."

I snorted in disbelief. "He would," I muttered darkly.

This brought a ghost of a smile to Edward's lips. "He seems to think that you have some control over that wolf-trait that Sam, Quil and Jared have given in to."

I turned to him in surprise. So Edward knew about all of them. He really did his homework while I was away. I would have to bother him later about the other details of the pack that Leah refused to share with me.

"Why would he think that?" I replied, curious now about the inner-workings of Jacob Black's mind. "It all happens on the wolf-end, doesn't it?"

Edward shrugged. "One would assume that. However…I can see where his logic might come from. I feel that we've deduced similar conclusions through different methodologies…"

I shot him an impatient look. "Explain."

Edward adjusted his head just the tiniest angle in my direction. "Well, I have my reservations about this, but it could be that he hasn't imprinted on you for the same reason that I can't hear your thoughts." He gently tapped two fingers to my temple. "Immune to our...charms."

I frowned at him and began to see the possibilities. If I blocked Edward out of my head without meaning to, could that also mean that I might be blocking Jake from my heart? Did supernatural hearing and soul mate legends work on the same level? I wet my lips anxiously and turned the idea over in my mind, wondering if there was a chance that when Jake asked me today if I knew how he felt about me, could he have been referring to imprinting?

"A-And what do you think?" I stammered. I could feel timid hope begin to rise in my chest.

Edward's eyes flew open so abruptly that I felt my heart skip at the sudden shock of gold. "I think that he may be on to something—I just wish that I knew the answer to that riddle myself."

I huffed out a sigh. Maybe there was hope for us after all. Maybe Jake was right—that I really didn't know what he felt because I _couldn't_ _feel it_!

But that in and of itself presented another problem—how was I supposed to disarm a mechanism that I couldn't control?

I groaned and let my head drop forward in frustration.

"Did I say something wrong?" Edward asked me with immediate concern.

"No," I mumbled.

"Then what is it?"

"That!" I whined miserably, meaning his confusion. "Me! My brain, or my body—something's just _wrong_ with me."

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "Bella, nothing is wrong with you. You're the most normal and may I remind you _only_ human component to this equation."

"Yeah, well normal blows," I grumped, an image of Seth coming to mind.

He grinned at me. "It isn't your fault, lo—" Edward cut himself off just short of the word. We reached an awkward silence.

I looked away and decided that now might be a good chance to finally get some rest. I didn't have much time left in Forks, and relatively less time to convince Jacob that our relationship was worth salvaging. I needed to pack in as much as possible in the next few days but sleep would have to come first.

I gave Edward's hand a squeeze. "Will you stay the night?'

He shook his head with a sad smile. "I don't think it would be wise to pick up old habits if we're trying to form a new one, Bella."

I nodded and silently thanked his steadfast willpower. I missed him so much even if my feelings towards him were completely platonic, so I was relieved to hear him reinforce our new boundaries, as well as embrace the possibility of a mutual friendship. Edward released my hand and leaned over to place an icy kiss to my forehead.

"Sleep, Bella," he whispered to me as he pulled away.

"Edward wait—" I caught his hand before he moved back too far. He chuckled.

Lifting my fingers to his lips, he slipped off of my bed and said, "I'll leave my number in your phone if you'd like to talk tomorrow. And next time I think it would be a good idea to meet somewhere other than your room."

I felt a faint blush creep over my cheeks, thinking of how someone might misconstrue our reunion if they knew we were alone and in my bed. He moved over to my desk and entered in his contact information quickly, but not faster than my keypad could process. It was interesting seeing him perform such a mundane task as data entry. It was so curiously human.

When he was finished, he gave me a warm smile that failed to conceal the pain in his eyes.

"I'm glad that I found you Bella Swan," he said to me gently. "Sleep well—I promise that things will work out for you no matter what."

I lied with my smile too, knowing that I might never be happy if Jacob didn't forgive me for my mistakes. "Goodnight Edward. And…welcome home."

His smile began to fade into a wince but he turned away towards the window before I could tell for sure. Edward slipped out beneath the glass and had it shut behind him within a mere second. And just like that, he was gone.

I let out a long, shuddering sigh and prepared myself for the troubled dreams that I knew would come.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry I've been away for a while. Busy week, lots of work to do etc. but I'll try to get this and the next couple of chapters updated in relatively quick succession! Thanks for the reviews, really appreciated!  
**

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Two Idiots.

The next morning I was surprised to awake with no recollection of haunting images of vampires or the twisted face of pain from Jacob that I usually found whenever I thought of Edward. Instead, I awoke to the sound of clanking pots and running water. I creaked out of bed, feeling battered and tired though it looked to be about…I checked outside and everything was a dark, moody gray. Hell, it could be any time in the day. I looked over at my clock when I couldn't find my phone.

12:33 pm.

So where was my phone? I sat further up in bed and craned my neck around in search of the elusive black-frosted device. I thought I'd set it down on my bag since I definitely didn't make the effort to charging it after my argument with Jacob, but it wasn't there. I rolled out of my sheets and caught sight of it on the corner of my desk where Edward had set it down last night.

A whooshing breath of air escaped me as realization hit. Edward was back. Edward was _here_ in Forks.

I needed to sit when my legs gave a foreboding waver. My fingers fumbled over to my desk chair and I yanked it out just in time to fall onto the seat. How long had he been following me around? When did he find out about Jake and I? What kept him away once we separated and I moved to California?

I blinked and wondered where that last thought came from. I knew that by the time I left Jake, I had no remaining feelings for the vampire—only the faint and deep rooted impression of my first love to tell me who he was, but nothing more. Edward would always be that to me, I thought with a fleeting smile. There was a cold scar in my heart that would always be for him. Just like the mark on my wrist from the disaster in the ballet studio with James. A flicker of fear rose in me when I recalled the frightened faces of Alice, Jasper and Edward—and then the concern and anger in Carlisle, Emmet and Rose—Esme was no fighter, she remained safe elsewhere. That fear was tinged with the unanswered question of Laurent and Victoria, whom I hadn't heard or see any trace of since that fateful trip to Phoenix.

I shook my head to cut away from losing myself in the past, already feeling as if dust had settled on me while I sat still and stagnant in my memories. I got to my feet and grabbed a towel, thinking how frustrating it was to have worked so hard to move beyond my life in Forks only to be back at square one the minute I set foot in this town.

I scrubbed my skin extra hard and attacked my hair with soap and water, as if the shower could eliminate my disastrous history. It was cathartic to a degree. I lathered my shampoo up three times before I finally ran conditioner through my squeaky clean hair. Once I stepped out I grabbed a bottle of moisturizer before the heat could leave the air and massaged it into my heated skin.

When I opened the bathroom door forty five minutes later, steam billowed out.

"Jeez Bella, left any for the neighborhood?" Charlie grunted at me as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He looked tired but happy despite his tone, and I wondered how late or early he'd been up at Sue's.

I returned to my bedroom and changed into a sundress despite the weather—it didn't matter, I reasoned. I would throw on a pair of rainboots and an anorak anyway, so I might as well wear what I brought with me. I towel dried my hair to my best ability and then let it lay long and curling over my shoulders before going downstairs. Charlie was back at the table sitting with a cup of coffee and a newspaper.

I arched a brow at him.

"What, no beer at noon?"

"Not anymore."

I threw him a mock-impressed look. "Guess Sue's already working wonders on you."

Charlie snapped his newspaper sharply and threw me a pointed look over the top of the headlines. "Yeah, yeah," he grumped.

I grabbed a glass of orange juice from the refrigerator and rested against the counter, staring out into the rain as I did so. It was Monday, Charlie was still taking the day off from the station to enjoy his wedding weekend and soak up whatever ease he could before returning to work. I wasn't sure if he expected me to hang out with him or if he already had plans—of course I wanted to spend time with the father I hadn't seen in nearly a year, but there were issues that I hadn't counted on coming up.

No matter what happened, I wasn't leaving Forks without setting things right with Jacob. I just needed to figure out a way to dip out at some point today to find him and try again.

"So kid, what's the plan today?" Charlie asked behind his paper.

I winced. Damn. I had nothing.

"Um…I was thinking of going out to town and checking out some of the new shops. Or calling some old high school friends and seeing if they're still around." It was a very lame, very poor excuse. I hadn't spoken to anyone in years. The latest conversation had been with Angela but only briefly when I heard that she relocated to a part of Florida near my mother's house. That was about a year ago.

Charlie didn't bat an eye. He merely shrugged and flapped his newspaper again as he took a sip of his coffee. I squirmed uncomfortably, feeling like my dad's new found perception picked up on my fib, and kept my eyes trained to the weather outside. It was raining hard now. Maybe I'd change back into my sweats after all.

Just then the phone rang and both Charlie and I automatically moved to pick it up. I stopped and let him get it, forgetting momentarily that I hadn't been home in years and whoever was calling probably wasn't looking for me. I tried not to eavesdrop as he cleared his throat and said 'hello.'

"Yup, sure is. Ok. Ok. Yup. Thanks son, I won't be around but I'll see you later."

He hung up and went back to his seat. I sneaked a puzzled look at him—that had to be the shortest conversation ever. Then again it was Charlie. I watched as he picked up his cup and took another long, last gulp before quickly dropping it into the sink.

"Well," he said with a smirk. "If you're off doing your own thing today, I might as well head over to Sue's to help with the thank you cards and what not. You doing anything for dinner tonight?"

I shook my head mechanically back and forth, wondering what brought on his oddly pleased expression.

He nodded. "Good. Come over around seven then—and if you can, bring some of that beer in the fridge for me."

"Sure, Dad—I'll see you then," I called after him as he took off out the front door. I watched him hop into his truck with an unprecedented spring in his step. He was out of the driveway and down the street in less than a minute. I tapped my foot against the back of my calf. What had _that_ been all about?

I turned and leaned with my back to the counter, switching gears and contemplating how I was going to approach Jake today. He must be working today. Charlie mentioned that he was going places, that he was doing good things with his life, which had to mean that he was probably occupied on the normal 9-5 schedule. I wondered where he worked. What had Jake done over the last couple of years to earn himself Charlie's respect such that he would compliment him as soon as I arrived home? I pictured him opening a garage. He'd always wanted to do that. Or maybe he worked with kids somewhere—Jake was such a warm and bright person, and I always thought of him as the type to like them—

My chest ached when an image of Jacob laughing and carrying screaming, laughing, dark-headed children fluttered before my eyes.

I always thought of him liking children because at one point I had envisioned a future with him, where he looked after _our_ children.

"Oh Bella, you are really screwed," I muttered to myself, slapping my free hand over my face.

I was saved the agony of boiling in my own thoughts when I heard the front door open. I looked up, hearing Charlie's keys.

"Dad, did you forget something?" I called out to the hallway. I lifted myself away from the counter to inspect what my suddenly-oddball father was up to.

"You pulled out of here pretty fast—" I said as I rounded the corner. I stopped mid-sentence and stared. "Oh."

There was no need to brainstorm a myriad of ways to hunt Jake down—here he was right in Charlie's foyer. He was soaked from the incessant rain and he bore a plastic bag beneath his arm. His short raven hair lay slicked over his forehead, dripping down his neck while the water created a glossy sheen to his already brilliant russet skin. The coal gray waffle shirt and jeans he wore were both darkened immensely by the downpour, but now it fit to him in a way that made my breath catch and my hands itch to pass over the planes of his clearly defined muscles. His chest rose and fell in imperceptible movements, but his eyes were bright, incandescent obsidian lamps that darted over my face, trying to read whatever expression lay over my blank and unfeeling features.

"Hey," he said softly.

"_Jake?_"

He turned and set down a pair of keys on the small table to the right of the doorway. I glanced over at them—they were the spare set that I used to keep when I was in high school.

"Did Charlie…?"

He gave me a small half-smile. "After you left my dad and I came over a lot. Charlie insisted that I hold on to them—just in case."

I nodded slowly, trying to rearrange my blank stare into a less offensive expression. Edward's words from last night like played in a never-ending echo in my mind:

_He's angry that you aren't letting him imprint on you—he thinks that you're stopping it._

"Bells?" He shifted uncomfortably in his wet shoes and it dawned on me that he was soaked through.

"I'm--I'm sorry let me get you something to clean up with—wait in the kitchen," I said hurriedly. I ran back to the closet to retrieve a fresh towel. As I stuck my head into the spare closet I tried to collect my scattered thoughts and form a coherent idea. Jake was here. He was covered in rain. Edward had visited me. He was in my room last night. Edward was in Forks. Jake was in my house.

I failed.

I returned to the kitchen and found him obediently sitting at the table where Charlie had been only minutes ago. The wet plastic bundle was on his lap now.

I handed him the towel and he took it silently, the brilliance in his eyes growing stronger for a moment when we grasped the same object.

"Thanks," he mumbled as an afterthought. He began to dry off his hair and ineffectually pat down his soaked shirt and pants. It occurred to me that he would be better off removing his clothing and running it through the drier--but that would be inappropriate now.

I sat down beside him and folded my arms in my lap, unsure of how to start a conversation after yesterday's disaster. I was clumsier than usual and I knocked my knees against the chair legs. I fidgeted with the small ring on my right middle finger and hooked my ankles together under the table.

Jacob broke the silence first.

"I don't deserve to talk to you," he stated flatly.

I ducked my head and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear to stall. "I...thought that you just didn't want to," I managed to get out.

"Yeah," he said in an equally quiet voice. "I thought that, too."

I ventured a glance at Jake's face and found that he was staring at me with such pain and intensity that he looked as if he would break apart. There was an undeniable tug from my heart to his, pulling me closer to his warmth spite of everything that happened. During the few times that I saw Jake, he was always like this. He tried to mask the hurt, he tried to cover it up with anger or indifference, but it always leaked out in the harshness of his voice or the wildness in his eyes. Now, he didn't do anything to hide it.

Without thinking I reached out beneath the table and gently covered his hand with my own. A tremor ran though him as he turned away from me and closed his eyes.

"Jacob," I pleaded, leaning forward to see his face. "Will you let me talk to you now?"

He shook his head and kept his eyes down. "I don't think I want to hear it, Bells."

I winced. "Jake, please—"

"No," he cut me off with a short jerk of his head. "I think that it's _my_ turn to explain. There are a few things that I haven't been honest about that…that might save us a lot of trouble in the future."

I inhaled sharply and waited for him to continue. Partly because I had no rebuttal to that--I couldn't foresee in what direction he would take us now and I wasn't completely confident that I could navigate a relationship with him from these waters. And partly because it was all I could do—wait. I feared Jake's next words as much as I feared not ever hearing them.

He wet his lips and began.

"Bella, I'm sorry for all the stupid things that I've ever said to you. I promise not to blame you for leaving anymore. That was wrong of me—I was angry and I was hurt, but that doesn't give me any right to be mad when all you thought that you were doing was for the best. I can see that now. But...but when you left--" Jacob's words faltered and he swallowed past the block in his throat.

"When you left it was unbearable. Things with the pack became...difficult. I guess you've heard there are two now: Sam's pack moved off to Makah lands and the rest of us stayed here. It's...it's become a big problem with a lot of the elders and the Council and even the families who think we're just bickering over some stupid dispute that no one can remember the start of. Paul's mom won't stop bugging my dad about why her son doesn't come home when he's about to marry Rach." Jake shook his head and sighed."I'm not telling you this to gossip--it involves you."

I bit back the insignificant question about Paul and Rachel's relationship and watched Jake struggle with his next words.

"Bells, first and foremost I want you to know how much I regret what I said the other day. I'm sorry for the way that I acted and I'm sorry for every hurtful thing that I've said to you about you leaving. And--"

"Wait."

Jacob paused and his face froze into a mask of surprise. "What's wrong?"

"Why…" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why are _you _allowed to apologize, but you chase me off your property when I try to do the same thing?"

Jacob's lips turned up crookedly. It wasn't his full beaming, cheerful grin, but something much more melancholy and familiar than I liked to see.

"Because you're not a hot-tempered werewolf with tree sap for a brain," he admitted sheepishly, looking up at me through the fringe of his eyelashes.

I felt a smile pull at the corner of my mouth. Here was the Jake that I remembered.

"Will you let me finish?" he implored firmly.

"Sorry, yes."

He sighed and turned the hand that rested beneath mine over so that he could touch my fingers with his. I didn't know what was more compelling—the beautifully concentrated look in his eyes or the magnificence of feeling his fiery skin weave together with mine once again. His eyebrows snapped together now.

"Second, I think it might be best if we stayed away from each other while you're here. I know it isn't fair to you but I have to consider the pack now." As he said this his face momentarily slipped back into the a stony mask. "When I became the Alpha I promised everyone that I wouldn't lose it like I did the first time. I've done enough to them that they deserve some reprieve."

I felt my eyes grow wide with helpless fear and bitterness at a force beyond my control. My voice trembled when it opened up. "But, but Jake--we can't even be _friends_? This isn't about my safety or anything--"

"No Bella, it's about keeping _my _pack safe from--" Jake's harsh tone abruptly stopped when he saw my horrified expression. The stone in his mask seemed to crack if only infinitesimally.

"From myself," he finished softly. "Look, I know that we could both pretend and put on a happy face for everyone but what's the point? A real friendship is pretty low on my list of priorities right now. To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I _can _be your friend again—ever."

My lungs collapsed. Jake reached for the back of his neck with the hand that I was not touching. My hands went numb. His eyebrows rose and fell as he considered his words.

"I mean we've tried it before, right? Back when you lived in Forks and again when you went away to California. It just…doesn't work. I'm sick of everything always leading into a fight. That's not what we're supposed to be Bella. It isn't natural," he finished with a grimace.

I swallowed hard. I could feel my heart drop to my feet. Hell, it might have even plummeted through the floorboards and was on its way to China right now.

This was fair, right? Jake had to think of not only himself, but four (five? six?) others now. He deserved to make this decision as much as I did years before, didn't he?

The ache in my chest flared into a grinding pain and a panic swept over my senses at the thought that Jake really didn't want to see me ever again. Yesterday was terrible, but today was exponentially worse. Hearing him repeat the same mantra in cool, calm logic shattered me.

"Bella," Jake frowned at me now. He gave my hand a gentle shake. "Hey Bells, are you okay? You're…you're so pale—"

I was sick to my stomach really. My heart was pounding too fast and I dragged in breath after breath but I couldn't fill the burning in my lungs no matter how hard I sucked at the heavy air around me. I thought that I could keep my panic below the surface but from the look on Jacob's face, I knew I was failing miserably.

"Breathe, Bells—relax," he soothed me. "Just deep even breaths—"

Jacob pulled my chair away from the table and forced my head down between my knees. I tried to follow his instructions and ended up holding my breath too long before dragging in a labored and embarrassingly loud lungful of air. The kitchen floor swam in my vision. Jacob patted my back, his hot hands feeling like heating pads over my numbed body. I felt tears drip from my face—I hadn't noticed that I began to cry—and I wiped them away with trembling hands as my panic attack began to fade.

Jacob crawled down beside me and sat on the tiles. He kept his hand on my back and made gentle circles with his palm, moving up and down and over my heaving spine. He hunched over so that his head was level to my knees where my face was still buried in my dress.

"Christ, Bella—are you alright?" he asked cautiously. "I didn't think you could get any whiter than you already are."

It was a terrible joke at the most inappropriate time but a snort escaped me nonetheless. It was such an incredibly _Jacob_ thing to do. As was my reaction—I was the same old, weepy-eyed, weak-kneed Bella who bent over backwards for vampires and frightened herself into fainting at the slightest hint of danger. I was like that case of the fainting goats Theresa had shown to me once—instead of assessing a problem and choosing the proper course of action, I panicked and went into shock at all the choice moments. I was a circus show and a half when it came to drama.

"I'm sorry Jake—I'm just—I don't _know_ what I'm doing!" I mumbled pitifully between my kneecaps. "I can't hold on to you forever—but losing you as a friend? I don't know how to let you go now. I _can't_ let you go—you don't understand why and I wanted to explain to you—and I'm so sorry for making everything so _difficult_ for you—"

"Wait, wait--_enough_," Jake commanded of my incoherent rambling. I could hear the ring of the Alpha in his tone, and though it had no power over me it was still compelling. I shut my mouth and settled for a quiet sniffle.

Jacob's hand moved from my back to smooth away the hair that gathered around my face. His touch was so soft and full of care—it clashed sharply with his detached attitude. I chanced a look at him and found his eyes dark, limitless and infinitely sad.

I wished that I could take back every wrong I had ever done to him, every hurtful thing that I had selfishly committed for the sake of saving myself. Without meaning to I had obliterated not only my chances of a relationship with him, but a friendship as well. The difference between the two seemed so easy at first when we transitioned into dating, but now it was near impossible to return to any semblance of companionship. But he was right. The tension lay as thick as mortar in the air between us. And there was also the responsibility of his pack and the Quileute council--to them Jake was as good as their Chief Warrior. They needed him clear headed and strong--not lovesick and depressed.

"Bella," he whispered in a small voice. "What do you want from me? What else am I supposed to do?"

I heaved a heavy, broken sigh and several tears fell away to the tiles beneath my feet. "I don't know Jake," I whimpered. "I just wish things weren't always so hard for us."

Jake nodded. "I know. It always felt like I had to fight just to be with you. But we can't keep lying to ourselves--especially now. I wish I could explain the _weight_ of what I have. Leah's second in command and she would rather die than show how hard it is sometimes. And right now, everything is hanging in a very tenuous balance. If I add one more thing to the pile I'm sure everything that I've worked for--the pack, my work, my family, my life--might come crashing down around me if I slip up for even a second.

"I can't keep offering myself to you as a friend when that's not what I want," said Jake sadly. "Just like you can't pretend to love me when you don't."

I pulled my head up from my lap and stared down at Jake with wild eyes. _What_? Of all the stupid excuses I'd just heard about why we couldn't see each other anymore, the crux of his argument revolved around a _lie_?

"_Who_ ever said that I don't love you_?"_ I cried out indignantly.

He stared at me with confusion, his mouth falling open at my outburst. Only a second ago I looked about ready to fall apart, and now I drew myself up in my chair so that Jake actually had to gawk up at me from his seat on the ground.

I hurtled through to my next thought so that he wouldn't have the chance to shut me down.

"Jacob Black you are an _idiot_. _I'm_ an idiot. This is what I needed to explain to you—I came to you yesterday to tell you _how much I still love you_. I wanted to tell you that all I've done for the past three years was block you out from my thoughts. A fat lot of good that did for me—because you're _all_ that I can think about. Jake, you're a part of me. I thought that I could make it through this trip without melting down at your doorstep but I got through four days before it happened—two if you count the night of Charlie's wedding," I added with a self-deprecating snort. Jacob didn't respond to my failed attempt at a joke and instead stared at me like I had suddenly grown a horn in the middle of my head.

I bit my lip and turned away, freeing myself from his burning gaze. He probably thought I was a lunatic, bouncing back and forth between closing up into my shell of self-pity and then charging at him with a statement like this. I felt the annoying heat rise in my cheeks again--right on time. This was not going the way that I imagined. This was not how I wanted to confess my feelings to Jake—granted I didn't have a real plan of action but I thought I could have at least kept it together a little better than a lit firecracker.

I released a tremulous breath and went on in a softer voice.

"I…I don't know how you feel about me, Jake. And…and I don't know what you want to do with this," I inhaled sharply. My fingers twitched against his.

"But I need you to know that…I love you. I still love you."

I chewed my bottom lip and forced myself to face him, to meet his eyes and see his reaction.

What I was doing was utterly unfair. Jacob was already through with me—he moved on and made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to--that he _couldn't_ see me again; even as pseudo-friends, he wouldn't allow it. But here I was, pulling him back like a human yo-yo.

Yup, still the same old Bella, I thought miserably.

But when my eyes met his, he looked…odd. I expected him to be angry the way he had been when I tried to apologize, or even embarrassed for me and my sad attempt to rekindle something between us. But instead he appeared in _pain_. I blanched, wondering what I had done to make him look that way.

"No," he said roughly.

I froze. "No?"

Jacob wrenched himself away from me and was out the door before I could move from my seat. I gaped at the empty space where he'd occupied only a moment ago, my mind working at half speed. I knew I was supposed to be chasing after him but for some reason my thoughts were disjointed from my nerves and muscles.

Time to breathe lungs. Time to move legs. Time to scream for Jacob to come back now.

Come on brain, _work_.

I found my feet and lunged from my chair.

"Jake!" I cried as I hit the foyer. I braced myself against the open front door and stared out into the heavy rain. "_Jake!_"

I took a step out and as soon as the first raindrop hit my bare skin I felt a hot, heavy bar clamp down on my upper arm. I flew through the air and found myself pinned up against the side of my house. Jacob hadn't run off after all.

"Jake please," I sobbed, relief and fright unraveling the last of my frayed nerves. I couldn't see his face through the tears and rain clouding my eyes. I was so completely broken and lost without him. In the moment that he disappeared from my kitchen floor, my brain had shut down to save itself from imploding.

Jacob leaned forward and I collapsed against him, hugging him as hard as I could. I cried from the deepest part of my soul, each sob feeling like a cramp that contracted and released from every fiber of my being. It frightened me that I could hurt so much after everything I'd been through. Old scars weren't supposed to hurt like this; they could ache in bad weather and maybe itch when it was dry--but this hurt felt like it wasn't just a wound. It was my absolute being.

Wordlessly, Jake carried me out of the rain and back into the kitchen. I buried my face in his wet shirt and tried to slow the racking shudders that ran through me.

"Shh," he rumbled to me, his voice tight. "I'm sorry Bella. That was...I wasn't trying to leave. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I didn't want to talk now that Jacob's arm's were around me. I just wanted to feel him--warm and overly large and here.

"Bella, say something," he whispered to me.

I shook my head. If I opened my mouth I knew he would just find another reason to leave. Something utterly stupid would fall from my treacherous lips and Jacob would run away forever.

"Come on, Bells. Talk to me--"

"No!" I cried, sharper than I meant to.

Jacob stiffened. I panicked and squeezed him even closer, hurting my arms and my face with the amount of force that it took. It barely registered to Jake that I was trying to constrict him to death.

He gently pried my arms from around him and I was forced to give in. Jacob clasped both my wrists together in one of his own and lifted my chin with his free hand. I felt that ominous hole rip apart in my chest.

"But I want to hear you say it again," he said softly.

I did a double take. "What?"

A faint smile danced over his lips. My heart jumped into my throat and lodged there, just beneath my skin.

"Hear it…again?" I squeaked.

He grinned. "I want to hear it, Bella."

At his smile, my heart found its purpose again and pumped blood furiously through my body, sending oxygen rushing to my arms and legs in a tingling sensation. I was giddy with mounting excitement. I tried to claw down the wave of happiness that threatened to break my voice and send me shooting through the roof before Jacob could give me any indication on how _he _felt in return.

I took a deep breath and held his illuminated gaze in my own.

"Jacob," I rasped, my throat betraying my nerves. "I still love you. I am still in love with you."

His grin grew impossibly wide and his entire face lit up like a tree on Christmas.

"That's my girl," he whispered.

And then he swept me into his arms and pressed his mouth hotly to mine.


	13. Chapter 13

**Lemons here--if you're squeamish I'd rather you skim the parts you don't want to see!**

* * *

I couldn't move.

I couldn't breathe.

I didn't know anything beyond the heat in his hands crushing me home to his impossibly hot, unyielding body.

He'd pulled me to him so quickly that my dizziness made me fully dependent on Jake's iron-wrought arms to hold me up. I could feel every muscle beneath his damp clothing flex and bunch against my curves. I was bent around him, his hand clutching my lower back to him while his other hand burrowed into my thick hair, keeping our lips firmly locked. He walked me backwards to the kitchen counter and pinned me against the Formica counter top with a jolt. I yelped into his lips but Jake only groaned and pressed me harder.

He kissed me deeply, telling me with his tongue, his hands, and his soft moans what neither of us could confess to ourselves for so long. His sweet taste and his warm breath mingling in my own tore through my senses like a wraith. It was overwhelming in a way that drowned out all thoughts. It stoked the heat between my legs and in my belly to a high and lustful flame.

Jake pulled back briefly to run his nose over mine. He pulled in a long, shuddering breath. I didn't waste time with air.

"Come back," I whispered urgently against him, my lips brushing over his. I reached up and stole soft but hungry kisses from his mouth, taking first his bottom lip and then his top until he caught up with my frenzy.

We were both breathing heavily. I dragged in short gasps interspersed with whimpers, driven from my throat by the delicious sensations coursing through my body. Jacob conducted the waves of pleasure with the roughness of his hands, and the thrilling need in his soft, persistent lips.

He broke his kiss and bent lower to fetter my neck with sharp nips and hot, wet sweeps of his tongue. My knees buckled beneath me and I made a frantic grab for his arms to steady myself.

"Jake…" I hissed, biting my lip to stifle another cry of pleasure.

He suddenly gripped me beneath my thighs and hoisted me up onto the counter. His lips never left my skin and I lifted my chin to give him better access. He growled into my neck, pushing his hips between my spread legs. My dress lifted up to reveal pale thighs where Jake's fiery hands held me down.

"God Bells, I've missed you," he groaned into my shoulder as he bit down into my collar bone. A shock of pleasure rocked through me. I gasped and hot wetness seeped into my underwear.

Jacob's quick intake of air followed by a sharp huff was my only warning. One of his hands skimmed over the top of my leg and slipped under my dress. He rested his palm on the inside of my thigh and with his thumb, began to fondle and circle the heat between my legs.

I couldn't stop the strangled cry this time. I moaned out loud, keeping quiet the last concern on my very long list of needs. Every flick and slow stroke that passed over the dampened fabric made my back arch and my hips jut forward begging for more.

Jacob returned to my mouth and kissed me with a purr in the back of his throat. I wanted him more than I wanted anything in my life. I needed to feel his strong, rough skin without a barrier. It felt as if it was our first time exploring each other's bodies, with all the pent-up anticipation and desire but without the awkwardness of our teenage years. This was infinitely hotter than our inexperienced yet lustful pawing from before. We were older. We were seasoned. Neither of us was ashamed to admit what we physically wanted.

I reached beneath the skirt of my dress and hitched my plain cotton panties from my hips.

For an instant we were a mess of frantic limbs. Jake caught on to my motions and leaned away to rip my underwear from my legs while I reached for his shirt in an attempt to yank him back to me. He crushed his lips to mine and I ground my naked front into the rough bulge of his jeans. He backed away again and the emptiness over the throbbing region between my thighs was unbearable.

And then I felt his warm, calloused finger dip into my slick folds. I let out a gasp of pleasure and turned from his mouth to savor the feeling of his touch. It was hot, melting bliss. I let my head drop forward to his shoulder as I moaned his name again.

"Bella, look at me," he murmured.

We were both functioning on instinct alone. I obeyed with half-closed eyes and tried to focus on his face while a second finger joined in to move along my opening. His eyes were dilated and his nostrils flared with the scent of my arousal. Jake slid easily in my wetness, coming up with his deft fingers and circling my clit, then running back down and just barely pumping into me. I writhed at the maddening sensations. His free hand tangled in my hair at the base of my neck. Each time I squirmed I felt the tension down to my roots, sending a shock of excitement to add to the mounting pleasure in me.

And just when I thought that the tightly coiled knot building in my abdomen couldn't constrict any further, his tongue darted out to spread my lips in a motion that showed me what he could do without his fingers.

I wasn't ready for the explosion of desire that knocked me senseless. It was a rush of heat so powerful that I momentarily reeled, only remaining in one piece because my skin told me to. I heard someone gasping and whimpering absurdly loud and I realized that those noises were coming from me.

When had Jake become so incredibly sexy? I always knew that he had the build and body that any woman would fall head over heels for without reservation—but he so carefree and fun-loving that I never had a problem stepping back and seeing him as the gangly kid from First Beach. He never focused on sex the way that he did now. But as I felt him play in my wetness, and watched his hooded eyes linger over my mouth and dance over my lips, my desire spiked unbearably.

His fingers circled my center and the rippling sensations came harder and faster. My muscles were tightening in on themselves from the almost unbearable pleasure. I wanted to feel him in me—I needed him so desperately to fill the aching, clenching hole.

"Please Jake," I breathed. "God please just—"

He smiled, victory shining in his eyes. "What do you want, Bella? Tell me."

I gasped when his fingers fluttered just barely in my opening. "Please, please—I want you in me!"

Jake chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose. Then after another frustrating yet delicious trail around the top of my slit, he pushed two fingers all the way home. I cried out and bucked against his hand and I nearly came around him. Jacob clenched his teeth at my cry and kissed me again to smother my gasps with his lips.

I frantically reached for the top of his jeans and managed to pull them away. I felt him straining against his boxers and I cupped the length of him with my palm through the fabric. It was Jake's turn to groan now. I stroked him once and he faltered in his long glides in and out of me. He continued to kiss me, his tongue slowing as his concentration fell.

I couldn't wait any longer. I pulled his boxers away with a quick jerk of my hand, ready to grasp him and plunge him to me, but the motion seemed to stir something in Jake. Just as I was about to reach for him his strokes came faster and his fingers crooked up to sweep over the ridges of my walls. I froze and felt the tremors rock me, heat growing in my abdomen.

My hands fell away from his freed member and I clutched at the counter for support.

"Oh God Jake—" I cried, tearing my mouth from his.

"Is this what you wanted?" He leaned over me on the surface as I arched back. Jake's eyes were ravenous as he watched me gasp and cry out.

"Tell me, Bells," he growled. "I want to feel you."

He didn't have to wait long. After only two more pumps I felt the spasms take me up and over my threshold, washing me in a blinding wave of pleasure and release. I bit into his shoulder and made sounds that I never thought I could produce.

Jake removed his fingers and to my surprise, bent to lap at the wetness between my thighs. I convulsed and shivered uncontrollably as his tongue gently laved at my sensitive folds. Another wave began to stir in me as he kissed and fondled my center with his soft, wet tongue.

"Jacob," I gasped when I started build up again. "Jake!" Now I was grabbing his hair and trying to pull him up to me.

He came up with a frown and I ignored his confused look. I needed him in me. Nothing else would fill the void that ached to be touched. Nothing else could silence the pain that I created when I wrenched myself away from him.

I grabbed his hips and dragged myself off the counter so that I was pressed hot and wet to his fully hard, twitching length. Jacob let out a measured hiss and closed his eyes. I turned my face into his chest and reacquainted myself with the feeling of him against my most sensitive and intimate parts.

"I love you," I whispered into the fabric of his shirt. I twisted my fingers in the material. Everything throbbed in me now, demanding to be satisfied. "I've missed you so much, Jake."

He shuddered and moved back to angle just his tip over my entrance. I bit my lip, feeling the smooth roundness of his head just barely press into me.

Our eyes met briefly before he kissed me, his tongue caressing the inner part of my top then bottom lip. When he moved away his face was lit from behind with a joyous and triumphant glow.

"I love you, Bells," he told me in a soft, tremulous voice.

Then Jake slowly dipped into me and I let out a low groan. I felt myself stretch to fit him in a way that made my legs tremble. He shook with the effort of going slow.

"You don't know how much I've missed you," he whispered into my lips.

He inched into me, little by little. Each time he pushed in I gasped harder, the tightness in me building with my desire. I turned my head up to him and Jake found my lips with his. I could taste my own musk on his tongue and I was surprised by the way that it excited me. When he was all the way in me Jacob broke the kiss and let out a harsh, rasping breath.

Time froze. Neither of us spoke a word—all that could be heard above the deafening pounding of our hearts and heavy breathing was the sound of rain pattering over the roof. We both stared with hungry eyes, drinking in the feeling of being absolutely connected. He was shivering now though a layer of perspiration melded into the rainwater. His entire body was so warm that it sent a flush over my skin.

Jake tipped forward until he could rest his forehead against mine. His skin was aflame.

"Bella," he breathed.

And then he suddenly drew back, as if seeing me for the first time. His eyes lost the dilated, filmy sheen and instead focused with an intense clarity on my face.

I panted, waiting for the tantalizing first thrust that would most likely send me into orgasm.

"Jake, Jake--what's wrong? What?"

He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Bella, I—w-wait."

I thought I misheard him.

"What do you mean?" I ached to feel him move. I rocked my hips forward, pushing him even deeper into me to try to encourage him. I saw stars at the new angle and he bit his bottom lip with a groan.

Jake grabbed my thighs with a hard gasp and held me still. He swallowed again and this time I could see his Adam's apple bob up and down. The russet skin at his neck glistened with rain and perspiration, inviting me to lean forward and press my lips into his flesh.

His distended nostrils flared with each labored breath that he took.

Then with a stifled grunt, Jake pulled back and left me empty.

I gaped at him; hurt suddenly rushed in to fill the emptiness. "Jake, wait—what are you doing?" I begged, not knowing what else to say.

But Jacob only shook his head and fixed himself without another word. My only consolation was knowing that his hands trembled as he readjusted his clothing—he wasn't as sure as his mechanical motions indicated. He retrieved my underwear from where we threw it on the floor and gently slipped my legs into it as I sputtered protests unsuccessfully.

"Jake, wait--will you say something, please?"

He didn't look at me as he fixed my skirt and pushed my legs back together.

I tried to slap his hands away, my anger getting the better of me. "Jacob stop!" I screeched at him, finally shoving his hands away.

Without warning or explanation, Jacob silenced me with a rough kiss. His lips worked furiously over mine and I was caught off guard by the intensity and anger that I found in his embrace. It was a desperate and passionate motion, intended to convey more than he could say.

But I was still agonizingly aroused and I melted beneath him.

"Bella," he rasped once he broke away. I uncrossed my eyes and fought to find his face.

Jake placed soft kisses over my cheeks, my closed eyelids, my forehead, and then returned to gently capture my lips with his.

"Bells. I'm sorry—please don't hate me for that," he whispered. I felt tears of hurt and frustration rise up again and Jake kissed my temple to dispel the imminent overflow. "I want to keep going. You have _no _idea how much I want to."

"Then why didn't you?" I demanded, asking the obvious. I stared at him in disbelief. One minute we both couldn't keep our hands from each other, and the next he said he couldn't do it? He already did it! Or at least, was partway there.

He brought his hands up and rubbed his face in frustration. When he spoke his voice was harsh with emotion. "Because..."

"What!" I cried out. I was so sick of his stupid back and forth crap!

"Because I want to do this the right way," he admitted with hunched shoulders. Jake winced at what I'm sure was a decidedly shocked and pissed off expression on my face. "Do you...can you understand what I'm saying? Can you not be upset please and just listen?"

"No!" I cried out petulantly, giving him the most infuriated glare that I could muster. My self-esteem had dropped substantially in the past ten seconds and upset didn't even _begin _to describe what I was experiencing.

Jake chanced a tentative smile and kissed me quickly, like a kid who was dared to touch the fire. I shook my head away from him and continued to will daggers to blossom over his body.

"Please don't give me that look—I've only just got you back again." Jake snuck an arm around my waist and I smacked it away. His other hand, however, was too quick for me. Before I knew it, he caught my wrist midair and pinned it behind me with the other. I was trapped.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why in hell did you stop?" I snarled at him.

"Because it occurred to me that this isn't the right time to be doing this, Bells," Jake replied, the soft plea in his words begging me to understand.

I didn't. Was this his mission all along? To aggravate my sexual frustration to the point of spontaneous combustion? If so, I was one stroke, tease, and lick away from bursting into a pile of flaming Bella.

"Maybe you should have thought of that _before_ we started!" I shouted at him, feeling every variation of flustered, embarrassed and insecure that there was.

"'This isn't the right time,'" I mimicked childishly. "Jacob. There's _never_ a right time to stop midway through sex!"

He had the decency to look thoroughly dismayed. He released my arms and lifted my chin with two fingers. "Bells, _I'm sorry_. I just didn't…I just didn't want to start off ass-backwards with you this time. I didn't mean to upset you. Trust me—I want you more than anything except…I was serious when I said that things are complicated."

I jerked my head out of his grasp and hugged my arms around my chest. Despite his words, I still felt unwanted and over-exposed, like I was cast away for my own flaws.

"You could have just told me that before we started. Why do you have to make me feel like a fool?" I asked him in a small voice as I stared at my bare feet.

Jacob's eyebrows fell forward over his eyes. "Bella—that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do. _Please_ don't think that."

"Well I can't help feeling like an idiot after…" I trailed off and let the sentence hang in the air. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I told myself.

"Bells," and he ducked down to press his lips swiftly to mine again. "Will you look at me? Please?"

I dallied for a moment and then begrudgingly lifted my eyes to meet his. Jacob gave me the barest smile.

"Listen to me will you? I love you. Get that through that thick-walled, stubborn head of yours. But this time I don't want to just feel and do—that's what happened before. We're smarter than that. We've grown up Bells. We know how to do things in a way that makes the most sense." Jacob inclined his head to me. "And what makes the most sense isn't throwing all caution to the wind right now and burying our pain in physical comfort. As much as we _both_ want that. Extreme emphasis on multiple parties consisting of _you_ and _me_—with as much if not more emphasis on _me._"

I fixed him with a go-preach-your-crap-to-someone-who'll-listen look and rolled my eyes away. Jacob pulled my chin back to him and forced my jaw up.

"You don't have to say anything, but you know as well as I do that sex won't make up for any problems in our situation. I'm not sixteen anymore, and neither are you. And I don't want to jinx it but I'd like to believe that this," he made a motion with his hand from me to him. "Whatever exists here, it's important enough that I don't want to just sweep our problems under a rug, so to speak. I think this requires a little more attention than that."

I snorted at the hint of smugness in his tone. Where did Jake find this sudden sense of righteousness and responsibility?

"_I_ wasn't sixteen when it started…" was all I could produce in rebuttal. Jake chuckled at my immaturity.

I huffed a sigh and pressed my hand to his chest. He covered it with his own. I began to see his logic. We did have a lot to work on, especially my side of the equation. But then again, Jacob also had a lot to forgive me for after what I did to him, intentionally and unintentionally.

_He's angry that you aren't letting him imprint on you—he thinks that you're stopping it._

Yes there certainly was a great deal to discuss before we got into the physicality of our relationship—if that's what we were to ever have.

Jake chuckled and gave me a swift kiss, retrieving me from my private world. I kissed him back this time, savoring the way that his lips gave beneath mine, how his breath warmed not just the skin on my face but my whole being. Just when I felt my desire begin to stir and flicker again he moved away. His self-control annoyed me. What ever happened to _my_ Jacob? The one who couldn't keep his hands off me and was as much a dog as he was a wolf? Who was this studiously careful and sensitive gentleman who replaced him? His sudden iron will power and pure moral compass made me even more self-conscious about my unabashed desire for him.

It reminded me disturbingly of Edward.

He took a deep breath. "If you really feel the way that you say you do, you'll have to give me some time to sort out a few details. The pack needs me and I have to be responsible about my choices."

Jake caught my hurt-filled frown and he stroked my cheek with his thumb. "That doesn't mean that I love you any less, Bella. You believe me don't you?"

His eyes were imploring—they shone over-bright with hope and love in such a way that made me nod without thinking.

"I'm serious," he warned. "You better promise that you trust me when I say I love you. The fact that I'm trying to exclude sex from the equation doesn't mean I care about you any less. In fact, I'm pretty sure that most women these days consider it to mean a hell of lot more."

I nodded again.

"It _also_ doesn't mean that I lack the proper motivation to carry out said action," he added blackly.

I rolled my eyes and nodded for a third time.

"_Promise_ me."

"Yes Jake, I promise!" I snapped at him.

He grinned in response. It was a bright and wonderful smile that erased years of hardness and hurt from his features.

"Good. Now let's _not_ be our sixteen-year-old selves and talk things out like adults."

I harrumphed and let myself be pulled into the living room.

"_I wasn't_ sixteen years old_..." _I grunted.

* * *

We spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch, sitting and talking about everything that happened since I left Forks. Jake sprawled over the sofa, his head propped up on one end and his legs hanging off the other. I finally got his clothes off of him and in the drier, which proved a very difficult problem in Jake's original plan to "take things slow" from here on out.

As I lay draped over Jake's naked torso with his arm clutching me close to his chest I couldn't help but stroke the bronzed flesh that I dreamed about for three years. He in turn, riddled my neck and ears with kisses that nearly drove us back to where we started in the kitchen. But Jake surprised me and laughed, pulling away whenever I became too heated.

Damn him and his new sense of modesty. Why was I always the one needing gratification?

To distract both him and myself from his evil teasing, I fired away question after question about the mysterious pack secrets. Jake shifted uncomfortably on the couch and did his best to respond with sufficiently detailed answers. But his sudden stiffness and the hitch in his voice told me otherwise.

"Well, here's the thing," Jake began hesitantly as he drew circles over my ribs. "I told you that when you left, I split away and two packs formed, right?"

"Yeah, I got that much."

"Okay…well it wasn't just a one-step process."

"How did it happen?"

Jake's hand stopped and flattened out on my belly. He tapped a finger against me as he thought.

"Jake?"

He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out how best to describe what happened. I don't even know _how_ I did it to be honest—but the only explanation is that it's in my blood—to be Alpha, I mean."

I recalled his stories from before when he described the chain of command amongst the wolves. Sam was the first to phase, which meant that he had the most experience and therefore the greatest power. But Jake was the direct descendant of Ephraim Black, the indisputable Alpha male and leader of the wolves from two generations ago. He belonged at the head of the pack. It was in his blood.

"When you left I sort of…went AWOL, I guess you could say. I didn't return for months. I somehow began to block the others from my thoughts, first Jared then Paul, Seth, Leah and finally Sam. I didn't stop Quil and Embry—I let them know where I was from time to time when they phased, just so that they could tell my Dad. But other than that—I was alone."

Suddenly Jacob's other hand came around to tilt my chin towards him and he leaned forward to deliver a kiss on my unsuspecting mouth. I smiled as he released me. Jake's eyes were closed when he leaned back.

"I'll never get tired of that," he hummed to himself.

I nudged him in the ribs with my elbow. "Stop stalling."

He grinned wickedly at me and kissed the top of my head. "Not stalling—I just get distracted when you're around."

"Should I leave then?" and I made a move to get up.

Jacob's arms swept around me and tied me down to his chest. I coughed at the sudden expulsion of air from my lungs and he relented only a fraction of an inch.

"Air!" I gasped pointedly when I could drag in a breath.

He immediately held his arms straight up and away from me as I turned and smacked him on the sternum. Jake laughed and allowed me to take my time getting comfortable again. His hands found their way back to my stomach.

"What was I saying before you so rudely interrupted me?"

I rolled my eyes and grumbled something about taking a bat to his head.

"Fine, fine." He sighed and shifted again. He cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"So after I spent some time away I became completely detached from everyone. Sam couldn't command me when he couldn't reach me, so I did what I pleased. I was a 'lone wolf' if you'll 'scuse the expression. I was my own pack. Meanwhile, Rach was between jobs at the time so she moved home to take care of Dad—Rebecca even visited from Hawaii with her husband. And I didn't know it then but after I left Sam was having trouble with the pack members; there was a lot of uncertainty about how I could just buck the Alpha rules. Seth shied away because he thought we were all crazy. Jared developed a fear for his imprint Kim's life because they were always fighting--I heard that he left for a few weeks without saying anything. And of course, Quil seemed to think he could ditch the Alpha order, too since he's an Ateara. That pissed Sam off. He blamed me for causing so much trouble. Anyway--"

He shook his head to cast off the unpleasant memories. I reached up and touched his chin, hoping to comfort him somehow. I could feel Jake's face pull up into a smile before he took my hand and brought it back to my stomach.

"And then one day when Quil was checking up on me, I saw something funny in his thoughts. I caught an image of Paul, but also not. It was weird, like he was trying so hard to keep it out of his thoughts that he was all but shouting it at me. You know the concept of trying to ignore the pink elephant in the room? Well that's basically what it was. All but shouting 'pink elephant' to me. I picked it up the minute he joined me. It was about Paul and Sam going over to my Dad's to talk about council business the week before.

Jacob trembled.

"And then I found out why Quil had to try so hard to hide it from me. Rachel happened to be home that day, making lunch for my Dad before she went to work at the diner. And Paul and Sam showed up, unannounced. Then that bastard _imprinted_ on her. Quil was trying to keep me from finding out until I was back, Sam's orders, but his brain is about as difficult to read as a picture book. I was off in the mountains near Vancouver when I heard and ran home for two days without stopping."

Jake paused again. I held my breath and waited patiently for him to continue. Whatever came next was taking a lot of strength to tell.

"When I hit the res line, I went straight for Paul's house. The only thing that I had in mind was tearing him apart. I was so angry. I hated him for imprinting, for proving that the legends were true yet again. I hated Rach for finding someone to love her unconditionally. I hated Sam for helping it to happen—even though he had _nothing_ to do with it really. No one had a choice. No one was at fault. I was just angry and jealous willing to take it out on anything that I could put blame on.

"He didn't hear me coming. I found him in his bedroom with her and I attacked as a wolf. He only turned around with enough time to protect Rachel from me sinking my teeth into her as well.

"I shattered Paul's skull, broke three of his ribs. I punctured both of his lungs, his spleen, crushed his hip and nearly tore off his left arm."

Jacob's voice cracked and I could feel him tensing up. He took in a deep breath and released it in a long, wavering sigh.

"I broke three bones in Rachel's back during the fight. I almost crippled her. If Paul hadn't pushed her out of the way—I-I would have snapped her neck in half."

I sat up and moved so that I could see his face. Jake was crying. There were tears in his eyes and a long glistening line down each cheek proved it.

My bottom lip trembled. "Jake—"

He shook his head brusquely and swallowed. "Don't—I won't be able to finish if you stop me."

Jacob pulled me back down. His entire upper body seemed to flex as he forced a swallow past the lump in his throat.

"I almost killed Paul too, but Sam got there just in time. He forced me out of the house and away from them. He fought me off until the rest of the pack could keep me in hand. It took all of them to get me into the trees while the ambulance came for Rach, but the only thing that made me stop was when my dad—"

Jake's voice hitched and my heart stopped, too.

"—He came to assist the paramedics. He saw what I did to her. He couldn't see me from the house but I could see him. I could hear him: he told me to never come home." Jake shuddered. "Bells, the look on his face—it was _so bad_—"

I felt hot tears fall down my cheeks and I pressed my temple against Jake's wet cheek. He crushed me down with his arms and buried his face in my hair as he shook with the force of keeping in the pain and guilt. I laced my hands through his and cried, feeling what he must have felt. My mind's eye called up gruesome images of every graphic detail as if I had been there.

Sam, angry and fighting Jake off like the enemy. Paul, maimed and bloody. Rachel, in a gurney being carted away. And Billy—I felt an overwhelming pang of agony when I imagined the lined and regal face of Billy Black as he watched his son lose control. Charlie's face suddenly replaced Billy's and the agony flared into panic.

Jacob lifted his face away and fought for control. He sniffled and went on. His voice was dead, as if he couldn't stomach the thought of feeling what the words meant to him.

"But worse than seeing his face, worse than hearing him disown me, was when he began to talk to my mother. He just stopped there on Paul's lawn and spoke as if she were standing right there with him. He looked up at her, at nothing, and started to cry. I remember everything he said:

'Sarah—what did I do wrong? I've lost a wife, I've lost a son, and I might lose a daughter. What did I do wrong?'

Jake had to stop and he cried into my neck, holding me like I was a stuffed animal. My heart broke over and over again seeing him so destroyed and guilt-ridden.

I turned and kissed him wherever I could.

"Jake, Jake," I whispered between kisses, my tears melding with his. "It's okay—you're okay. Jacob, _shhh_."

Jake nodded and stilled my hands and lips with a quick kiss. It took him a minute to collect his composure, and when he did, he bore an expression of inexorable purpose. I could tell that this was a story he had come to terms with, one he'd replayed in his mind and saw in the minds of others around him many times. It didn't mean that it hurt him any less.

How God awful, I thought to myself, to see your worst moments through the lens of not only your own harsh judgment, but through the uncensored thoughts of your pack members as well.

He rubbed his nose into my jaw and nuzzled the skin beneath my ear. I reached up and placed my hand against his cheek with all the heartfelt sympathy I had in me. He turned to kiss it reverently.

"After Rachel healed, she went through seven months of therapy to regain the fine motor skills she lost in the break. During that time, I stayed away. Paul healed in a week and took care of her. Embry and Quil continued to look for me but I shut them out too after what happened.

"And then Leah found me, of all people," he continued. "She said she searched for months, tracking me by scent and prints alone. Said she was sick of the imprinting, of Sam and Paul and Jared—and broke away, just like I did. It wasn't the same kind of break, but it was enough to allow her to ignore Sam's commands and reach me. She brought me back.

"I went home and apologized to my dad and to Rachel. They both forgave me almost immediately. Paul on the other hand, tried to return the favor," Jake said with such straightforwardness that I thought I hadn't heard him correctly.

"He _what_?" I asked, forgetting my place.

Jake ignored my outburst and simply shrugged.

"An eye for an eye, I guess."

"Yeah, 'an eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind,'" I muttered in mortified shock.

He picked up my hand still twined with his and held it up in the air, inspecting the ring on my middle finger rather than responding to my quip.

"Sam didn't talk to me, neither did Jared. Quil and Embry came 'round after a week or two—called me nuts but congratulated me on thoroughly whooping Paul's ass. Seth was harder to talk to. He disagreed with Leah's decision to break away and couldn't make up his mind between joining his sister and listening to Sam. He was still so young at the time."

I mentally counted back the years and figured Seth to be about fifteen when it all happened. He was about a year deep into the transformation—it wasn't much.

"Leah told me it was because he was disappointed in how I handled the situation." Jake gave an annoyed grunt. "That kid is too smart for my liking."

"What do you mean?"

A long sigh escaped him, ruffling my hair. "Leah said that he wasn't upset because I _hurt_ Paul—Seth actually liked that. Seth _hates_ Paul. As in, literally despises him. He thought Paul was a giant—"

"Yeah, yeah—Paul sucks," I filled in impatiently. I was so wrapped up in the story that I completely abandoned my role as the silent audience member. "So why was Seth angry?"

"Seth," Jacob stated as if he were addressing a classroom, and Seth was example A. "Believed that I was lashing out at Rachel and Paul because I saw happiness when I was alone, angry, and hurt. Because someone else got their imprint when that was the only thing that I ever wanted. And…"

"And what?"

"And because I couldn't have you."

I froze at his unabashed honesty. Jake dropped our hands and leaned forward to peck me on the cheek.

"Still love me?" he joked gravely.

"So what did you tell him?" I responded, a question for a question.

I turned on the couch now so that I could prop myself up on one elbow and see him as he spoke. Jake's face slackened in exasperation.

"Seth is a smarmy, spoiled, know-it-all brat with too much intuition for his own good. I told him to shove it."

I choked back a snort. I envisioned Seth's reaction to Jacob's nonchalant dismissal: a hot-headed mini-Jacob stomping around furiously, throwing a temper tantrum the size of Russia flashed through my mind. I chuckled.

"What's funny?" he asked with a frown.

My laugh died out into a cough. "Nothing."

Jake stuck me in the ribs with two fingers and I yelped.

"Tell me or I'll set all eight on you," he menaced, showing me his able hands.

"Okay! I give!" I folded my arms over my sides and squirmed away from his wriggling fingers. "Nothing—I just think it's funny that Seth took that so well from you and still ended up on your side of the pack. Well, I _assume_ he did anyway."

Jake nodded. "Yeah, you're right. He did. It took some convincing from me to get him there—of which I will _not_ discuss with you at this point in time."

"And why not?" I cried with a burst of irritation. I was done with secrets; all this '_later'_ and '_it's nothing'_ and '_not my place to say_' was driving me up the wall.

Jacob snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me tight against his body. His naked chest was pressed to my front and his bare legs slipped up between mine to graze the sensitive mound beneath underwear. I gasped at the burst of heat that raced through me, and wondered again how he had such an absolute and instantaneous effect on my body.

"Because I'm busy," he growled deep in his chest.

His boxers barely contained the fact that he was just as excited as I was. Jacob lowered his head and trailed the tip of his nose from the sensitive skin of my neck to my ear and back down again. He breathed hot air over me and I shivered at the delicious feeling.

"Jake," I moaned heavily, my legs twining with his. I arched my hips into him and felt the hard length of him press against me.

He sucked my earlobe into his mouth and I yelped at the hot slickness of his lips and tongue.

Jacob kissed his way down my neck again and nuzzled the hollow at my shoulder. I panted and reached for him, hoping against hope that this time he would continue and we could pick up where we left off in the kitchen. I felt the rumble in Jake's throat and it reminded me of the thunderous roar of our motorcycles that we used to ride. The vibrations rippling through me were as much a result of his stimulating growl as the tremors in my muscles, tight with anticipation and desire.

But something wouldn't allow me to fully enjoy the sensations flowing from Jake's body to me. Bothersome rationality cut through the fog of lust steadily dampening my other, now less important thoughts and needs.

"Wait, Jake…?" I mumbled half-heartedly. I prayed that he didn't hear me.

With a last nip and kiss to my throat that made me arch beneath his hands, Jake straightened up on the couch and settled back onto the armrest. He watched me with an amused look.

Ugh, damn cogent thought and all that had nothing to do with this man pillaging my body. I felt a sour expression take over my face, making Jake break into a light chuckle.

He kissed me swiftly. "What ails you now, lady love?"

_My lucidity_. I struggled to return to our conversation

"You scheming ass," I grumbled, realizing what he'd just done. Jacob beamed at me. "You are in serious trouble for some of the crap you've pulled today."

He snickered. "I'm shaking in my fur, Bells."

"You should be. Don't be surprised if I light your tail on fire next chance I get."

Jacob's booming laugh made me bounce like a rag doll on his chest.

I covered my ears and leaned away from him.

"Look, I just want a recap of the packs as they stand," I told him, working to keep the edge from my voice. "If you were all able to be at Sue and Charlie's wedding, things must be relatively peaceful now, right?"

The mirth fell from Jacob's face almost immediately and his mouth set into a firm line. I marveled as the hard mask slipped into position again. Sam, I thought without considering the most recent turn of events Jake had related to me. No, I corrected myself. This wasn't Sam's expression—this was an _Alpha's_ expression.

"You'd think that," he drawled. I saw the tightness in his eyes that spoke volumes above his simple words.

He stared off into space as I waited for him to say something more. Jake's hands began to stiffen over the skin on my body. His lip curled up just barely and his mask turned into a faint sneer. I frowned, puzzled at the slow but steady transformation taking place before me.

The drier suddenly let out a harsh, blaring buzz from the basement. Jake blinked and the tightness was gone.

He turned to me and smiled, kissing me on the nose, pure happiness written across his features as I gawked at him.

"Saved by the bell, huh Bells?" he teased.

"But Jake, what about Sam—"

He caught my eyes and bobbed his head in acknowledgment. I didn't miss the flash of annoyance that passed over his face.

"I know, I know. Don't worry I'll get to that in a second. But right now I should probably put on some clothes before Charlie gets back."

I rolled my eyes. "I have a feeling he would be dancing with joy to see us talking, regardless of what you are or aren't wearing."

Jake let out a low chuckle, a sound that made my stomach flutter. "That so? I guess all those hours I logged with him back in the day are finally paying off. If that's the case, I'll come and go as I please naked as a jay bird."

I froze when I thought of Jake devoid of all clothing: a russet-skinned, pagan forest-god with mountains for shoulders, an abdomen ridged and flawless as if it he were cast from the same mold as Hercules, a mouth-watering V leading down to his impossibly perfect—

"Bells?" Jake arched a brow at me.

I blushed and rushed to sit up. "Sorry."

He grinned at my red face but didn't say anything as we went to grab his clothes from the laundry. He kept his hands on my hips and followed behind me--my 6 foot 7 inch shadow, shuffling his feet the the pace of my short, very human steps. As we rounded the corner to the hallway we passed near the kitchen. I contemplated stopping for a minute to play out the vision in my mind.

Jake also seemed reluctant to continue on to the basement and hope stirred in me.

"Hey Bells," he murmued, giving my hips a light squeeze. A lick of fire rushed up to meet his hands.

"Any chance that we could eat something soon? I'm starving."


	14. Chapter 14

**I apologize for the short chapter! Thanks to everyone's reviews, you've all been so sweet :)**

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More confusion.

I threw together some leftovers and heated it up in the microwave before Jake returned from the bathroom, fully clothed. I turned to find him leaning against the kitchen doorway, arms crossed, a broad smile spread over his features. His eyes lit up when they met mine.

That insistent tug in my heart was becoming rather pushy. I felt myself drawn into him, as if a magnetic force hovering just beneath my skin dictated my movements.

"What?" I mumbled as I spun to grab him a glass of water.

Jacob moved towards me so quietly that I felt his heat before I saw him appear by my side. He slipped his hands up my waist and splayed his fingers over my ribcage.

"Nothing," he murmured. He leaned in to kiss me under my ear and I shivered. "Thanks for the food Bells. It looks amazing."

I held back a smile as Jake slipped away. He plunked down in a chair and began to shovel down pot roast, mashed potatoes (accidentally picking up the wilted spinach salad) like it was his first meal in three days. It was as if nothing had changed between us—I missed moments like this so much. Simply sharing a meal, or watching him gorge on whatever was presented to him, brought me more satisfaction and comfort than I 'd felt in years.

I slid into the seat next to him and leaned my elbows on the table, marveling at how he'd already polished off half of his plate. Jacob reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze before attacking the rest of the roast.

I watched him from beneath my lashes, suddenly wondering where our imprint story was and why it never came to us. Was it really my fault? Could it be true that Jake felt the pairing but my inexplicable mental block stopped him from completing the imprint? If that's what it was—but what if he didn't feel that? What if Jake just loved me and I loved him, and he never found his soul mate—would that be enough?

There was a lump in my throat when I thought of all the things we hadn't discussed yet. It was difficult for Jake to share the tumultuous events of our years apart, but I had absolutely no idea how we were going to tackle our years together. That called for an entirely new level of tact and understanding.

"You know you could eat too instead of stare at me."

I blinked and cleared my throat to give myself time to think of a comeback. "I'm not the one on an eight-meals a day program, thank you."

"You should be—Rach says she has six meals a day and it keeps her regular."

"_Ew_ Jacob. I do not want to hear about your sister's bowel movements."

Jacob shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, neither did I, but that's what happens when she decides to move back home to live with two guys and one bathroom."

My laughter came out as a snort. I had so many questions about the latest imprint couple, but there were much more important issues to be caught up to date on. I was nervous to pick up the conversation. I'm sure that food was in the forefront of his needs, but it sounded as if avoiding the subject was a very close second.

"Sooo…Jake," I began, leaning forward again with my hands on the table. His eyes slowly rolled to me as he scooped up the last of the mashed potatoes.

"…Yes?"

"What's your beef with Merrit?"

His face fell into the hard mask again and I rushed to get my next questions out. My voice sounded like a chipmunk.

"Was it really because you just hate Sam's pack and you won't get along or is it because you were jealous that we were dancing?"

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, setting down his fork. Jake let out a garbled stream of harsh words.

"_Excuse_ me?" I craned my head towards him.

"I said _both_." He shot me a look of annoyance and I arched my brow at him, feeling defensive. Was I not allowed to ask him about his odd behavior?

"Merritt and I…" he paused and made a sour face. "Merritt has a sense of false entitlement that I don't appreciate. You know he's Quil's cousin, right? So that means he's an Ateara. His great grandfather was the chief of the Quileute and his grandfather on his mother's side is the chief of the Makah—so he's twice royal you could say. If we were to judge worth on bloodlines alone he'd probably assume both packs….but we don't, and he will _not_. He's just a huge pain in my ass, is what he is."

"Well if he isn't going to take over and if he's otherwise ordinary, then why's he such a pain?" I ventured.

"Just because I said he won't doesn't mean he hasn't _tried_. On a number of occasions he's made efforts to recruit Seth, Quil, Embry, Colin, Brady…even _me_. He's…he's different. For some reason, it doesn't matter what pack he belongs to—he can communicate with everyone. Aside from Sam and I, he's the only other one able to jump connections. If you think about it, he could be a peacemaker of sorts, since as a chief you're both warrior and ambassador…but he generally uses it to cause trouble."

Jacob's bleak expression disturbed me. Merritt seemed relatively nice—granted, I hadn't met any of the other new members yet, but he was certainly much more charming than Paul and Quil on a good day.

"So what's he done?"

"It's difficult—I don't know if I _can_ explain it, really." He let out a frustrated hiss of air. I made sure that he was under control—Merritt had almost set him off the night of the wedding. I was probably already pushing my luck with so much talk about the pack.

"It's…it's like this: the way that I'm destined to be a leader, Merritt's destined to be some sort of gatherer—he bonds people. And I can't tell if he's the world's best salesman or if he does something with that weird ability to communicate across boundaries. Whatever it is, it's fuc—_it's annoying_. I have to reign in Quil every time they hang out—which is pretty often now that they go to the community college together. I don't know how he does it, he just _does_. There's nothing about it in the legends, no one seems to understand what his purpose is—but when he's in your head it's almost impossible to ignore his logic."

I frowned. This didn't make sense—there was a wolf in the pack whose sole responsibility was to bring others together--?

Suddenly Jake gave an angry snarl and pounded the table with his fists. I jumped as the sound ripped up his throat. Something nicked my cheek and I flinched away from the blow.

"Oh no, oh shit—I'm so sorry Bells," he said, visibly shaking with the effort of containing himself.

Jake had broken the table. I was out of my chair now and staring at the damage, assessing the way the panels of dark cherry now rose up like jagged teeth. His fork and plate were still intact although it had skipped across the wood to the other end upon impact. The glass was knocked over, water pouring onto the floor. I quickly got up to grab the towel Jake had used earlier and wiped up the mess, relying on movement to distract me from the mild disaster.

Jake silently put the dishes in the sink, his face grim.

"I'm so sorry Bella—Goddammit. I promise I'll make Charlie a new one." He groaned tiredly and rubbed his face. "God, everything is just so completely fucked."

I knelt down and picked up splinters from the floor. "Don't worry about the table, Jake," I told him, a little rattled by his display. And though it probably wasn't smart to continue, I voiced the next thought in my head without hesitating.

"Why would Merritt try to get more of you guys?" I asked in a soft voice, hoping it would calm him down if I spoke quietly. "Doesn't Sam have enough wolves? I saw sixteen of you there at the wedding—unless Sue has a few ogres for relatives."

Jacob scoffed and pulled the trash can over to me so that I could throw the pieces away. "Leah, for one, _is_ an ogre. I heard about how she treated you at first," his lips twisted bitterly. "I'm sorry."

I straightened and dusted off my hands as if ridding myself of her memory. "You don't have to apologize."

Jake's shoulders fell. "No, I really think that I do."

I fixed him with a patronizing look. "Well Leah already beat you to it, so don't worry."

He threw me sheepish half smile and gave a shrug. "Yeah—heard about that, too."

I blushed when I recalled my conversation with Leah in her bathroom, and the reason I shut myself in there in the first place. An uncomfortable silence settled between Jake and I until he shifted and crossed his arms over his chest. The spell was lifted.

"Anyway, you're right, there are sixteen of us total. After I split away from Sam officially and some of the guys came with me, the phasing just started one after another. La Push was suddenly overrun with guys breaking out in the fever, disappearing for weeks, and then reemerging looking like this—" he gestured to himself with a shake of his head. "It was absolute madness. And with Sam gone with Emily, it was just me trying to help them through it. Leah did her best too, but in the span of six weeks we saw four changes. Eventually some went to Sam and some came to our side—when we both had eight to a pack, the phasing stopped—it's been like this for about two years now."

"All the changes were Quileute—no Makah beside Merritt, and that was only by blood and proximity. At one point I had about ten in my pack—and then when Merritt joined, he convinced them that I was unstable…" his lip curled up. "That they should join Sam instead."

I shook my head in horror. Incredible. There was no reason for them to be changing anymore—the Cullens were gone; the Cold Ones weren't the threat to La Push anymore. So why were there so many of them? I bit my lip when a terrible thought occurred to me.

"Jake—do you think that people kept phasing because…because you were building up your defenses _against_ each other?"

He nodded grimly. "That's what it seems. But it makes no sense—there's no point to _be_ like this anymore!" I watched his muscles coil and release, a caged wolf angry at the steel bars enclosing him.

"We're just making life hard on everyone. There are _too_ many of us—can you imagine the chaos? Every member ready to fly off the handle at the slightest argument—the constant thought-sharing, keeping secrets from our families, the fear that someone will find out, the fear of hurting someone accidentally—"

_The fear of imprinting_, I supplied silently, watching Jake pace angrily.

"It's _horrible_. I'm barely managing to keep my life—my _human_ life—together by a thread with the drama and violence around me."

Then Jake stopped abruptly and put both hands on his head. He leaned back against the nearest wall and closed his eyes as if he could shut out the world. My heart went out to him. He was barely twenty three and he was responsible for the most powerful and volatile secret of his tribe. No wonder these men were built so huge; no wonder Leah made herself ten times harder than anyone else; no wonder Jake tried to keep me away from pack issues altogether when it first started. It was a _mess_. It was unnatural to begin with, a desperate measure taken against a long-time but lethal enemy. But now that the threat was gone and the wolves remained, it was just excessive violence ready to explode.

I went over to him and did the only thing that I could. I wrapped my arms around his barrel chest and laid my cheek to his heart. Jacob's warm arms came down to pull me against him as he buried his nose into my hair.

"Bella, I just want it all to go away," he whispered hoarsely into my hair. "I don't want it—_any _of it."

"I know Jake, I'm so sorry," I soothed him helplessly.

He pressed his lips against my temple, my cheek, and then he found my mouth. I breathed in his warmth hungrily, softening to his touch. The kiss began gentle and tender, more about comfort than desire. But as his hands traveled the length of my body and I leaned into the defined planes of his front, my lips moved with greater urgency. Jake breathed a trembling sigh, releasing some of his pent up anxiety and giving in to the mounting lust rising between us.

Jake suddenly broke the kiss and gently pushed me a fraction of an inch away. I was about to roll my eyes at him, thinking it was his stupid determination to be sensible about our relationship that killed the moment, until I heard keys in the doorway. I froze.

I was seventeen years old again, panicked and afraid of having my dad walk in on me and a boyfriend during an intimate moment.

No, I corrected myself. I'm _twenty-four_ now, it was just a kiss, and Jake, sadly, was just a friend for now. I loved him and he loved me, but we were "being responsible."

Charlie stepped into the kitchen. "Hey Bells, you still home? I saw—" and then he paused when he found us standing two feet apart, me red-faced and nervous, Jake with a friendly smile and his hands shoved in his pockets.

Charlie looked from me, to Jake, and then down to the broken dining table. His eyebrows snapped together.

"What the _hell_ happened to my table?" he demanded sharply.

* * *

**So, now more weirdness going on in La Push and sorry if you don't agree with the concept of Merritt's oddball abilities. I feel like it isn't that much of a stretch right? Enh, whatever it's my la-la-land version of SM's lovable characters :P**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry it's been such a while! Thanks for the trickles of reviews and favorites--great to know people still read this dormant piece :)**

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Second chance.

That night we all went to dinner at Sue's.

Upon seeing me with Jacob and relatively free of disaster (minus the table), Charlie insisted that he and Billy join us for dinner. I noted the fondness in my father's eyes for the overlarge Quileute even through his stalwart grimace. Jacob accepted the invitation with a smile and then helped Charlie to take the broken table out into the yard while I cleaned up the dishes in the sink.

I heard Charlie's heavier footsteps return at the same time that an engine started.

"Dad?" I called, raising my head from my work. Would Jake really leave without saying goodbye?

Charlie walked into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe—right where Jake and I had been kissing earlier. I blushed without meaning to.

"So," he drawled. Charlie folded his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side. His mouth was set into a firm line.

I shut off the water, taking my time to dry my hands on the kitchen towel. I knew that tone. It was the 'uh-oh, Charlie wants to talk' tone that I heard once every blue moon. It was probably rarer than vampires and werewolves put together.

"H-hey Dad…What's up?"

He fixed me with a meaningful glare.

"'What's _up_?'" he mimicked me in disbelief. "That's it? You gonna tell me that now it's all googley eyes and rainbows for you kids after three years of voluntary banishment to California?"

"What? No!" I retorted sharply. We both stared at each other for a minute while Charlie's scowl deepened. I scowled back.

"_Definitely_ not."

He huffed and looked away, red-faced. He put on a decent show, but under all the bravado Charlie was probably less comfortable than I was. It didn't make me feel any better. If anything, it made me feel worse.

"Well you sure looked it when I walked in. And Jake seemed like he was walking on cloud nine when he left—is that what happened to my table? I had to chase him off to Billy's before he came back in and tried to destroy something else—"

"_Dad!_" I cried, horrified.

"What? I'm just asking. You're a big girl, you do what you want; but that was _my_ table."

I hid my face in my hands. I could have crawled down the kitchen sink and turned on the disposal. Was Charlie really trying to discuss my physical relationship with Jacob _now_? After my run in with him and Sue on their wedding night, I thought that was it for the stomach-turning, shiver-inducing, culmination of all awkwardness between us. I hated how often I was wrong.

"_No,_" I said flatly. "Nothing happened!"

Sort of.

Though I deeply,_ deeply_ wished something had.

"We're just…working on the friendship thing—since I'm home. End of story," I finished, emphasizing my last three words. Charlie uttered a tiny but unconvinced grunt.

I didn't like being cornered into talking about Jake, let alone a situation with Jake in which I was at a glaring disadvantage. I felt as if I finally understood some of what he might have experienced when he was trying to chase me down back in high school. Now I had to put up with _his_ boundaries. I had to coax _him_ into trusting me. I had to do the leg work and play the waiting game and show him how much I cared. I would do it, obviously. I just didn't imagine that Charlie would come at me with questions, prying and prodding like he was Renee. I figured he would just nod, approve, and we'd part ways.

So I became ornery.

"What gives with the third degree? I thought you were the 'cool dad' that didn't pry or pester," I grumped.

Charlie scoffed and lifted himself away from the wall. He gravitated to the refrigerator, as always.

"Yeah, well—" he paused to crack open a can of beer. The pop-hiss that filled the silence felt like a statement of its own. "Cool Dad who let you run around on dirt bikes and jump off cliffs—"

"You know about that?" I winced.

Charlie glared at me. "—_and_ let you sneak away in the middle of the night to Phoenix isn't here anymore. Bachelor Dad is gone. Meet Married Dad, who cares about his daughter's whereabouts and feelings and asks her questions pertaining to aforesaid matters."

"Fine," I challenged, crossing my arms over my chest. "But if you get to ask questions, then so do I."

"Hah. Shoot." Charlie shrugged and took a long swig of his drink.

"What happened to my truck?"

I hid my face from the splatter of beer foam. Charlie took a moment to cough and clear his windpipes of the liquid, wiping his face on his shirtsleeve to dry his mustache. I frowned. Seriously. What the _hell_ happened to my truck?

I appraised him with a mild expression.

"Graceful," I said.

Charlie paused in between his spasms to treat me with an evil eye.

"Nothing," he wheezed, then turned to cough again. "Your truck is fine—" _cough_ "—it's been repaired."

_Coughcoughcough_.

I shook my head at him in amazement. "You are unbelievably stubborn."

He shook out a deep and phlegm-clearing hack before giving me a stern look of reproach.

"So are you."

I shrugged. "Thanks, Dad. I guess you can't blame anyone else but yourself for that one. I'm going to change for dinner—I suggest you change your shirt, as well."

Charlie paused midway through wiping his beer-covered moustache on his shirtsleeve. He glanced down at himself. "Why what's wrong with my shirt?"

I crinkled my nose, eyeing the dark splotches almost camouflaged by the flannel check pattern, but not quite. "Hm—no, you're right. Stains are cool."

Muttering under his breath, Charlie slapped his can on the counter and took off to the basement, fingers at his buttons of his collar.

Dinner that night went surprisingly well. Charlie and I arrived early to help with the preparations to find the Clearwater brood in the kitchen, assisting their mother with menial washing and chopping of vegetables. Seth gave me a reproachful look above the carrots he was in charge of skinning. Leah seemed content with her job of gutting and cleaning a large salmon to be baked in the oven. She flicked a scale at her brother for his complaints. Charlie pecked his new wife on the cheek and promptly turned right around and went outside.

"Where does he think he's off to?" I asked as I tied a spare apron around my waist.

"Oh, just some yard-work I've got lying around," Sue informed me with a wink. "Your dad isn't much of a help in the kitchen as I'm sure you know, so I trade meals for light house chores. It's really how we started this whole mess in the first place." She smiled at me warmly and a glow shone in her eyes.

"Ew, Mom. No one wants to hear your sappy love stories," Seth groaned.

Leah smacked him on the back of the head without looking up from her work.

I hid a snicker and then returned to the task at hand. I found a way to pace myself with Sue, helping her to create the marinade, boil the sweet yams, and tidy up whatever mistakes Seth had made with the vegetables. Leah was unsurprisingly deft with a boning knife and had the large fish ready to go in another ten minutes. She excused herself and went to clean up. As soon as his sister was done, Seth whined about being slower and less inclined to housework than I was. I pushed him away with my shoe, happy to have his giant hands and elbows out of my face.

Sue and I talked easily as we worked. She was everything that Renee seemed not to be—motherly, restful, contemplative, and above all—skilled in the kitchen. I liked the way that she talked about Charlie: it was fond but not sickly sweet, like he was her favorite scuff on her kitchen counter from a happy accident. It put me at ease to know that Sue had taken in Charlie and all of his slovenly bachelor ways before he ended up buried under a pile of beer cans and pizza boxes in his armchair. I felt much better about having to turn around to San Francisco again knowing that Charlie was taken care of.

The salmon was dressed and in the oven, the yams mashed and heated, the salad in the refrigerator, and the corn simmering on the stove by the time we heard Jake's truck pulling in. My heart began to thud at an irregular pace.

"Oh perfect timing," Sue exclaimed, wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Bella would you mind giving me a hand with the table?"

"Sure," I replied quickly, although I would have much rather gone to the door to wrap my arms around Jake's warmth.

While we worked I kept one eye on arranging the cutlery and another on the front door for Jake's entrance. It had been all of 3 hours since I was with him last. It shouldn't have been nearly enough time for my stomach to be bouncing in happy anticipation of his return, but here I was. My ears strained to pick up the sound of the doorknob turning or the creaking of the front porch floorboards.

"—He's always got a few spares laying around," I suddenly heard Billy's voice cut through the open kitchen window. I looked up quickly. I caught a glimpse of Charlie walking alongside Jacob, both men focused lower towards the man in the wheelchair.

"Well he can break whatever else he wants in my house—long as he builds it back up again half as good as this. That's some fine work son," Charlie said in a congratulatory tone. He sounded as proud of Jacob as if he were his own.

Jacob chuckled. A smile automatically tugged at my lips in response. "Just let me know if you want anything else broken, I guess."

And then their conversation was over as soon as I heard the sound of Billy's makeshift ramp settle over the Clearwater's porch. Jacob wheeled his father up the planks. The front door opened and Billy and Jake entered, both men bearing full-lit grins to Sue.

"Billy, Jacob—I'm so glad you were both able to join us," Sue greeted them, stepping forward to embrace the Black family. She arched a brow at Billy. "Rachel not around today?"

Billy shook his head, his mouth tightening only slightly. "Not this week. Says she'll be back after Wednesday of next.

Sue shrugged, the conversation ending there.

"Hey Bella!" Billy called out to me, waving from around Charlie.

"Hi Billy," I said somewhat shyly, stepping away from the dining table to greet them. I felt nervous as three pairs of eyes followed me to Billy's chair. It felt strange to be the center of attention just for saying hello, but I tried to brush it off. I bent down to give him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

"So nice to be all together again, eh?" His eyes crinkled up at me with a knowing glint. Billy chuckled and Charlie grunted in agreement.

My heart kicked in my chest. I looked to Jacob for confirmation and the apologetic grimace that graced his full lips said it all. Billy's was a simple statement, one that shouldn't have been interpreted beyond its literal meaning. But the quick exchange between our fathers gave it away. They knew, I thought miserably. And from the satisfied look on Sue's face, I assumed that she was fully aware as well. I don't know who told, Jake or Charlie, but I was going to have to gag one of them. I gave a mental sigh. There was no keeping a secret anymore around these folks.

"Uh yeah, Dad. We're all terribly excited—um, let's go check out this spread in the kitchen," Jake interrupted pointedly, steering his father further into the house and away from me. I threw Charlie a meaningful look as he put his arm around his new wife. My dad shrugged innocently and mouthed a 'what?' to me, feigning ignorance. He was as lousy a liar as I was.

Seth and Leah reappeared a few moments later from their respective bedrooms and said their hellos to Billy, then went over to Jake, falling into place beside him as if they were in formation. I didn't like it the way that they automatically deferred to him, as if feeding from his body language and positioning themselves accordingly. As a leader he was rigid, stoic, almost emotionless—and the mask fell back into place. Watching them now, I found myself yearning for Sam's leadership. Although I wasn't particularly fond of Sam Uley, at least then Jacob was allowed to be himself without having to consider the example he might be setting for others.

We sat down to dinner and I kept a careful watch over him, stealing quick glances at the drawn and cautious smiles that he allowed every now and then. I noted how carefully he listened to what was being said, as if straining to pick out the possible dangers in our friendly dinner conversation. Gone was the quick and happy laughter that I loved so much. My Jake barely lived in this hardened, brusque statue of a man. It was devastating to know that the reason that he had become the Alpha was because of the pain of our break up. Had we not ended so abruptly, Jake might still have parts of his old life to hold him together.

But I found that not all was lost. I took heart in the sight of him softening whenever his father or Charlie spoke to him. In the fact that his dark eyes would melt when they met mine.

It was well past nine by the time we had all had our fill. Billy sat back in his chair and patted his stomach contentedly, leaning an arm over Sue's chair beside him. Jacob, Seth, Leah and I stood to clean up while the adults opened a glass of wine to end the night. It was a crisp, sweet-smelling white that seemed the perfect dessert.

"Jake picked it out," Billy offered when Sue commented on the notes.

She gave him an appreciative smile. "But of course the artist would pick something like this."

Jake nodded silently and continued his task of foil wrapping and cleaning off dishes to be put into the wash. His eyes flicked to me, catching my puzzled expression. Since when was Jake into wine? I hadn't known him to be interested in alcohol since more often than not it took a fifth of tequila with mugs for shot glasses to get him relatively drunk. His body simply burned away the alcohol too quickly. And what did she mean by 'artist'?

When we had finished in the kitchen and each took a glass for ourselves (aside from Seth who whined again about not being allowed to drink with us), Leah, Jacob, Seth and I went outside on the porch to sit in the wicker chairs and enjoy the fresh air. Well at least _they _could enjoy it, running at such high temperatures. I piled on the sweaters, using my own jacket plus another borrowed from Leah in order to take part in their company.

"So _art__í__st_," Seth drawled, perching himself on the railing. "What are you working on now?"

Jake gave him a hard look. "Nothing at the moment, Picasso—yourself?"

Seth chuckled and shrugged. "I'm working on a scholarship to somewhere in California so I can hang out with Bells. I want to be in San Francisco, too."

Jake folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall of the house. Leah let out an annoyed sigh beside me on the chairs.

"Seth, leave it. Brag about your football to someone who cares."

"You're just jealous 'cause you're stuck here with _Jake_," he shot back.

Leah growled. "You watch it, kid."

"Make me—"

"Both of you shut up," said Jake casually. They immediately stopped. I heard the click of Seth's teeth as he snapped his jaw closed. A frown blossomed over my face as I watched their interaction. Alpha or not, his bad temper and stoicism was beginning to rub me the wrong way.

"No need to keep it a secret," I told him, trying to break through the tension while again searching for a way to wheedle information from Jacob. "What are you working on?"

Jake shrugged and looked away for a moment. "Nothing. I had a spare table lying around so I gave it to Charlie."

"Right. _Just_ tables," Leah scoffed. She dipped her nose into her wine glass and averted her eyes when Jake threw a glare at her.

I arched a brow at them, my curiosity piqued. "No?"

Jake took his time swirling the chilled golden liquid in his hands.

Seth let out a disgusted noise. "Dude, why don't you just tell her?"

"There's nothing to tell—"

"Don't be ridiculous man, you're like the biggest thing to come out of La Push!"

"Seth, I really don't think—"

Seth turned to me with a wicked grin, propping his chin up on his hands as he leaned forward like a girl about to dish out the juiciest gossip. "Okay, so Jake's like the biggest thing to come out of La Push—"

I held back a snicker and played along with my new sibling's ruse. "Oh _wow, _really?"

"_Seth_," Jake growled.

"—And he's like, so totally artistic and deep—"

"Seth, this is your five second warning that you're about to get your ass handed to you," Leah drawled. She cast a wary eye at Jake whose wineglass was just barely trembling in his hands.

"Am not," Seth paused to retort.

"Most definitely _will_—"

"Seth, just let him handle it--"

Seth dropped the charade and glared at his sister and Jake. "You know what? Fine. All I'm trying to do is help Jake make Bella see what an awesome guy he is because he clearly doesn't know how to pull his head out of his ass to help himself. And Jake—it's not even that. You're always so close-mouthed about it, even when you're talking to guys from the rez—it's like you're ashamed of it or something, but look at the good that you're doing. And the money! Shit, I should be asking you to fund my college plans instead of breaking all those poor kids' faces every practice. I mean _honestly_—"

"That's enough!" Jake snarled and Seth clamped his mouth shut again.

I stared at him in disbelief. Why did everything have to be such a secret? Why was it like pulling teeth to get any sort of details from Jacob? I had such limited time to try to make up the ground that I'd lost, I couldn't waste anymore more of it trying to convince Jake to talk to me. Or convincing him that he could trust me with his secrets.

I gave him an exasperated and pleading look. Please just understand that I want to know everything, good and bad, I willed him to read in my eyes.

"Jake, really…what?"

"It's nothing," he insisted hastily, turning away.

"It's not 'nothing'," Seth mumbled under his breath.

"It _is_ nothing—end of subject," Jake declared.

Leah was the one to finally stop the argument. She lifted the glass to her mouth and downed the contents of her goblet in a single gulp. Leah dashed the back of her hand over her curved lips and let out a heavy sigh.

"You're both killing my almost-buzz. I'm going inside." With that, she got up and went back into the house.

Seth made a sour face and jumped down from the banister with inhuman grace.

"Yeah, Jake. You're killing my sober-buzz, too. See ya."

I watched Seth saunter back into the house, swaying and staggering exaggeratedly like a drunkard. It was a childish and immature thing to do, but it certainly dispelled the cloud of animosity hovering around us all. Jake raised his eyes heavenward. I had to throw a hand over my mouth to stifle the snort of laughter threatening to rise. Just before Seth closed the front door he flashed me an overzealous grin and a thumbs up. I discreetly flicked my eyebrows at him to show my support of his idioticy.

Jake let out a long and exhausted sigh. My attention returned to him and I found him staring at me, his fierce, dark eyes taking me in. I grew hot under his unfaltering gaze, as if his body heat were transposed to everything that he rested his eyes on. We were both in near side profile to the other. I was angled towards him in the chair, facing out to the front lawn while Jake still leaned against the house. Now that Seth and Leah were gone, I could feel the same electricity in the air that made my insides cream and my heart flutter unevenly.

We looked at each other for a brief but terrifyingly heated moment before I had to turn away. I don't think I could have controlled myself if I stared any longer. I wanted to move to him, to touch him so badly that my fingers absent-mindedly convulsed in my lap. I quickly shifted my wine glass to both hands to hide my anxiousness.

"So Bells," he said, his voice husky. I could have buried my face in that sound. If I had my way, I would wrap myself in a blanket of his throaty timbre so he could purr me gently to sleep.

"So…"

He chuckled at our inarticulateness. "Got any plans tonight?"

Plans? The possibility startled me. What other plans would I have for this sleepy town when the best that I could hope for was a night alone to fantasize about Jacob's touch?

I cleared my throat, already feeling the heat drop lower between my legs.

"Um…No, I was just going to head home with Charlie I guess."

"That all?"

"I-I guess…why?"

Jake shrugged his heavy shoulders and I bit my lip, thinking about how powerful he was. How delicious it felt to be hoisted up by those thick, corded arms with his hands digging into my waist—I swallowed and bit back a groan. My face felt flushed and I knew that my pulse must be audible by now. I was having trouble keeping the back of my eyelids from replaying scenes from the afternoon, so I forced myself to take a larger draught from my wine glass.

"Well…I thought…I thought maybe you'd like to come over tonight."

I nearly sloshed the liquid over my face as I jerked my head to him too quickly. I brought my hand up to cover the mess, and spoke through my palm.

"But—but I thought that you wanted…you know—"

Jake gave me a blank look before he realized what he'd just said. "Oh—_oh. _No, I didn't mean it like that, Bells—"

Right. Of course he didn't mean it like that, I thought sourly. I bobbed my head and shrugged, trying to feel as nonchalant as I acted.

"Yeah, no that's what I thought. Um, sure I'll drive over with you after this. I think Charlie wouldn't mind staying over at Sue's tonight if he doesn't want to come along."

"I mean," Jake turned to me, leaning his shoulder against the wall. "Of course if you're too tired to drive back later on you're welcome to stay over."

"Thanks, Jake," I replied, a wry smile on my face. "But I have my own bed. I don't think I want to kick you out of yours or crash on your lumpy old couch, as much as I love that thing."

A grin lit his face. "There's a spare bed at my workshop—I pretty much live there now. And the couch is new. But…I guess you haven't seen the changes yet have you?"

I shook my head and forced myself to ignore the reason why I hadn't set foot in Jake's house the last time I'd been there. It was pointless to revisit the unpleasant memory of Jake telling me to disappear from his life.

But as always, Jake seemed more in tuned to my feelings than I gave him credit for—or maybe I was just that transparent. Regardless of how he knew, Jake shuffled his feet bashfully and gave his throat a firm clearing before he spoke.

"Well…I wasn't the most hospitable last time either. All the more reason to give it another go, right?"

I raised my glass to him in a half-hearted salute before downing the last of the wine. I gambled that I'd be a little loopy on my way to La Push, but nothing that I couldn't handle. Jake flashed me a quick smile before pouring the contents of his glass away over the porch railing.

"Hey," I protested. "That's good wine!"

He shrugged. "Not interested. You know it doesn't get me drunk."

"So why'd you take it then?" I stood up from my chair and felt the world wobble before finding its equilibrium. Okay, so maybe I'd be a little loopier than I thought. I wondered if driving the two-lane road to the reservation was the best idea right now.

"Thought I'd see if I still can't stand the stuff. Seems I can't." He opened the door for me and I forced myself to walk in a straight line past him. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot. Did I really only have _one_ glass?

"At least you believe in second chances," I began to mumble distractedly, wondering why my peripheral vision wouldn't stop wiggling around.

A warm arm snaked out to cinch me around the waist and I bounced against the restriction. My feet thankfully found firm placement and I only had to brace myself against Jake's chest to remain upright. I felt his warm lips near my ear and my breath hitched in my throat.

"Bella Swan…are you a little drunk?" he murmured to me discreetly.

He might have been trying to keep his voice low so that it wouldn't alarm my father. Or maybe because he thought I would be angry if he said it loud enough for Leah and Seth to hear. I hoped that was his plan. Because if he was leaning forward just for effect, where his heat was doing remarkable things up and down my spine, and gripping me firmly at the hip where his strong, tactile fingers played into my flesh, I could have strangled him for being a tease. Or jumped him without his consent.

I blinked and tried to cool the fire in my blood. "M-maybe."

Jacob grinned and touched his nose into my hair. I melted.

"Well _m-maybe_ you should just come over some other time then. I don't want you driving tonight."

I tried to tug away from him.

"Don't be silly. I'm be fine—"

"Possibly—but I won't have you driving anywhere if you're remotely intoxicated. Bella Swan sober, with two good eyes and two strong legs is more of a liability than a blind man swinging a baseball bat in the middle of Times Square."

I crooked my eyebrows up at him. "Oh? You've been to New York?"

Jake sighed. "Yes, I've been to New York. And Paris. And Prague, and Sydney and Los Angeles and Miami."

I took a step away from him and Jacob allowed me to move out from his embrace. I didn't know where this admission came from, or why he chose to divulge this information now, but it caught me completely off guard. His eyes traveled over my face as if waiting for my reaction, measuring the tension in my lips and the pucker in my forehead. In my slightly hazy mind I willed myself to get it together and speak. I wanted to understand who Jacob Black really was.

"Jake, I'd really like to see your place," I said as firmly as possible but without being demanding. My control seemed to surprise him—it surprised me too, to be honest. Jake's eyes widened a fraction before a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his lip.

"You can drive me," I suggested, feeling bolder now. "I'll shack up on the couch—or whatever you'd prefer."

Jake's smile grew into a sly grin. "What I'd prefer isn't necessarily in accordance with what's best," he told me. Jake pressed his hand gently to the small of my back and guided me to the door once more.

"Come on, let's grab my dad and we can head out in a few."

* * *

**Yay more alone time to come :) But also a little peek into plot development (essential, come on it's not just smut).**


	16. Chapter 16

Deep in the woods, somewhere between the border of Oregon and Washington, a ways from the great I-5 that snaked through the Northwest, a lithe, bronze-ivory figure flit from tree to tree.

He pounced from evergreen to white oak, his leaps akin to strides in his haste to flee. He was trying his hand at something he wasn't very good at and couldn't bear to do—leaving that which he loved—but doing it nonetheless. The pain of running away from Bella was something he promised himself he would never willingly do ever again, not after leaving her behind in Forks nearly six years ago. But after the past two days, he realized that it was a matter of salvaging his sanity. And preventing himself from ripping open Jacob Black's throat.

Over the course of shadowing Seth Clearwater's thoughts for glimpses of Bella, he'd become so attuned to the giant red wolf that he was nearly as prevalent in his thoughts as in the young Clearwater's.

A pack member's mind was everyone's mind, Edward learned, but he was willing to put up with the minor annoyance in order to make sure Bella was safe. At first he didn't think that he could bear it since he would occasionally glimpse flashes of Jacob's memories with Bella during their brief romance. But unlike a vampire, the memories of a wolf dissipated with time. After a year or two the vivacity and clarity of the new alpha's mind, given the myriad of new issues with Sam's pack, Paul and Rachel, Billy, Sue, and human life, became watered down to a dull and bearable pain.

But their brief encounter in the kitchen that afternoon…Edward felt the venom well up in his mouth without warning as he leapt full speed towards a gigantic redwood.

Up until a few weeks ago he could wander through Jacob's mind without much surprise as to what he would find—thoughts on the pack, his father, his sister, his future, his ever present and immediate hunger, and Bella. The latter, regardless of what thought occupied the werewolf's rather simple cranium, would always linger, like a sweet fragrance in the air. He thought it odd that Jacob would personify Bella in terms of smell, the way that he often had, but he figured that a wolf's olfactory—and any canine for that matter—was their strongest ability, so why not? It didn't mean that he appreciated it. It was a painful pleasure to recognize Bella through the filter of Jacob's mind—all the smells and memories that he loved but tainted with vile _dog_.

Edward Cullen had never wished to be rid of his 'gift' more than he did right now.

As he curled his legs beneath him to take the impact of his next landing that would springboard him into another tree, he felt the gentle whisper of a familiar mind. Calm ran through his limbs. He felt lighter, happier almost, as if the desperation in his heart and lungs was no longer raging inferno but a gentle lick of flame.

It was Jasper.

He hitched his legs forward and bent his knees, preparing to cushion his weight and disperse the energy of his flight through the boughs of the tree instead of into another leap. Edward gracefully angled his body away from the trunk of the swiftly approaching evergreen and clutched at the branches instead, stripping off fingerling twigs and pinecones like shearing leaves from a sprig of rosemary. He used his momentum to twist like a gymnast and land on the thicker bough of a neighboring redwood. Jasper vaulted up the trunk of the evergreen a few yards away.

There was no need to be face to face to have their conversation—Edward would hear every word—vocalized or not—and he could read almost every facial expression and innuendo just by testing the air alone. They were well hidden in the tree tops, away from the well worn hiking trails and far out from the city limits, they had no reason to appear human.

But Jasper looked Edward straight in the eye and held his gaze, blazing gold meeting fatigued and tormented obsidian.

"Hey brother," came Jasper's soft Southern drawl.

Edward flashed him a pained smile. "Hullo Jazz—decide on a stroll through the trees?"

"You know me, I like to take my air up in the air."

"You're really terrible with words."

Jasper chuckled and tucked his hands in his pockets while holding his tightrope walker's balance on the limb that he stood on. There was a tense moment of silence between the two vampires, only long enough for a butterfly to flap its wings. A light breeze rustled the tree tops and lifted the tousled hair over Edward's crown.

Jasper broke the tension first.

"Edward," he began carefully, hesitantly. Jasper was very good a containing his thoughts when he was around Edward—years of living in close quarters had trained him well—and it was unclear as to what was on the tow-headed haired vampire's mind. Edward inclined his head, trying to glean more than just his general apprehension.

"You know we're still with you right?

Edward's mouth twitched a millimeter in defeat.

"Alice saw me," he ground out. He was so preoccupied with his state of misery that he momentarily forgot his sister's clairvoyant tendencies.

Jasper kept a perfect poker face—neither upset, concerned, nor joking as he spoke. "She said it's faint—but she panicked all the same and shipped me stateside immediately."

"Will she tell Esme and Carlisle?" Edward snapped his teeth together as he spoke, his lips flying faster than usual in his haste to dispel his anxiety.

Jasper shook his head and waved him off, sending a potent burst of calm through Edward in the same motion. Instead of speaking, Jasper exclaimed a very loud, mental 'no' accompanied by intricately detailed images of Alice and Esme in the parlor of their new massive loft in London happily sewing together on the floor and entertaining themselves while Carlisle gazed out the window to the overcast skyline of the city.

"Where are Rose and Emmett?" Edward whispered as his throat constricted painfully. It was difficult for him to see his family together—or as together as they ever would be again. Once they left Forks things were never really the same…

Another image popped into Edward's mind from Jasper, of his blonde buxom sister and bear-like brother running through glaciers somewhere near the South Pole.

"Wellington, Rotorua, Tongoriro—New Zealand?" he asked with light surprise.

He always figured that Rose would avoid the dreary quaintness of the South Island. If rural Washington wasn't her cup of tea, how did Emmett convince her to visit the now wintry Southern hemisphere?

"They wanted something different," Jasper said aloud, drawing Edward's attention back to the present. Jasper had also lifted some of the calm that cloaked his nerves and Edward suddenly cringed, digging his fingers deep into the bark of the tree. His morphine feed had been removed and the pain shot through him once more.

Jasper sighed and there was calm again. "Edward. Please."

"What _else_ is left for me?" he said, raising his voice. He was frustrated with Jasper for trying to placate him. He wanted to be angry. And as bad as it was, he wanted to feel the pain as long as he knew it was Bella who caused it. Edward fought the false serenity and the veins on his neck and forearms strained beneath his pale flesh.

"Death is not your only option," Jasper said levelly.

Edward's eyes flashed. Whatever composure Jasper had forced on him dissipated as red washed over his vision.

"_Death?_ You think that's what this is about? There's no such thing when I'm already dead, in every way possible! You have no idea Jazz—you think you'd be so damn calm if Alice left you? _For good_? Don't tell me what to do and how to feel if you've never been there. My _existence_ does more harm to her than good—if she doesn't want me anymore, I know that I will dedicate myself to trying to win her back, to waiting in the wings until that stupid mutt imprints on some worthless human. I could care less to waste away and become a ghost chasing her, but…what kind of a life is that for Bella?"

Jasper shook his head.

"Foolish, Edward. Very foolish. You haven't learned anything, have you?"

A growl ripped through Edward's clenched teeth and Jasper slipped into a subtle yet noticeably defensive stance.

"That's for _her_ to decide Edward, not you. You've already made a choice for her once and look what it's gotten you both into. Don't take away her options before she knows they even exist."

Edward ground down harder into the tree beneath the tips of his fingers, rubbing tight circles into the wood and sanding away at the fibers until he had an exact purchase on the trunk.

Jasper let out a weary sigh, his eyes full of pity.

"Think about it, Edward," was all he said again before jumping down from the tree branch.

Edward followed the sound of his footsteps as he sped through the forest, until he could no longer feel Jasper's whisper of a mind.

When he was absolutely sure that he was alone again, he slumped down on the bough and folded his head in his hands. What was he to do? Bella was in love with someone else—she'd completely forgotten about him. How had he ever been so foolhardy to think that he could wish her happiness without him? Jasper was right. Taking away Bella's options before she knew them, before even he knew what he could offer, was like amputating a before giving it a chance to heal.

But the _pain_…it was worse than dying as a human. It was a hundred times worse than the fiery burn of venom, worse than knowing his immortal soul was gone forever. How did anyone expect him to continue living if he was already dead on the inside? He snorted a bitter laugh at the irony of multiple deaths—dying once as he turned from human to vampire, dying again as he went from a vampire to loving a human. It was cruelly poetic.

As he sat with his head in his hands, still as a rock with only the wind gently buffeting his shirt to indicate he was in fact a sentient being, Edward felt another mind brush through his desperation. He listened harder, thinking Jasper might have turned around.

His head jerked up as the breeze brought on the faint yet pungent scent of old blood masked by heavy incense, stinging herbs and roses. He turned his nose into the wind, nostrils flaring. That scent, that aura of sharp malice and smug brute power. It was an old and distant memory but a fresh image of two vampires, one small, female and blonde, the other as big as Emmett, dark haired, and aggressive flashed before his eyes.

Edward got to his feet and a fraction of a second later, he knew Jasper was sprinting back to him. The blonde vampire ripped through the canopy and landed in a whirlwind beside Edward, his agile fighter's body almost vibrating with the anticipation of a fight.

"Jane and Demetri," Jasper growled softly. "I wasn't sure but I felt them coming—they're dead set on something."

Edward nodded, his lips pursed as he forced his frantic mind to reach out to them and pick up their purpose in the middle of the northwest. He sifted through the myriad of superficial thoughts ringing like crystals in Jane's mind and the quick pop-snaps in Demetri until—

"_No_," Edward exhaled sharply. "How is that possible?"

Jasper gripped Edward's arm, stunned by the sudden fear and anger that whipped through his body from Edward's reaction.

"—Edward _what_?"

Edward's eyes were bottomless as he turned to Jasper.

"They're here for Bella. Victoria found a way to tell them—Jazz they're here _to kill her_."


End file.
